It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get […]
I don’t know why.
Good morning guys. Please enjoy the beat. It goes great with coffee 😉
Has anyone else felt alone their whole life? Always the odd one out, outcasted by strangers, friends, and family alike. I’ve grown to realize that I’m not like the others. I’m quiet; I observe everyone around me. And I don’t like what I see. Everyone is so superficial. I see people for what they really are – their flaws, ulterior motives and blind prejudices. I know I have flaws myself but they don’t even compare to what I see in others. Perhaps I am a pessimist; though I like to think I’m a realist.
Every year that goes by, the more I dislike everyone I […]
this is me. ive changed so much learned so much. been through so much. ive tried more suicide attempts than i can actually count. everyone goes through shit. everyone feels like theres nothing left in life. but thats okay. everyone is stronger than they think. and thats why ive been on this site for 2 years, come so close to death a few times. but maybe im still here for a reason? were still here for a reason. sadly, life’s complications push you down, […]
I’m new to SP and I have no idea where to start. I’ve done so many stupid things in the past. I read posts and I relate to almost all of them. I feel as if I understand you and I know you. I am always depressed, I have no idea what goes on my life anymore. I can’t find joy in the things I once loved to do. All I do is think about how useless I am, how depressed I am all the time, how my parents tell me crap all the time, I have no friends at all, seriously, and my boyfriend […]
I’m trying to keep myself self for my mum and dad
 but it getting harder to do so
I wish this feeling could go away and stay away
I NEED HELP
but sometimes I cart see way
I’ve tried and tried but the feeling never goes away
I am over fifty and instead of getting wiser in the past few years I have instead pretty much ruined everything with my stupid behavior as well as this damned depression that never really goes away. For at least twenty years I have really wondered why I should keep on existing, but on the other hand, I am not brave enough to “do something rash.” That is another failing, wanting to die but afraid to bite a bullet or jump in front of a train. And I am even worried about what people would think of me for doing something like that. So I keep […]
Don’t know what “set me off” but now I really don’t want to wake up tomorrow. Maybe God will answer me this time.
Until then I’m going to blast the fuck out of some angry music and hope night time rolls around quickly so everyone goes away and I can have my blade. Dammit what’s wrong with me
Oh its been so long
So very very long
Since the last time
I talked to you
About everything thats going on
I know I’ve been vague
I’ve been mysterious
But I have to keep things
Feelings thoughts etc
From you
So you don’t worry about me
But maybe it’s time
Time to tell you how I am.
How am I?
Physically?
Sore.
I feel broken.
I’ve got a few scars.
Yeah from that.
I don’t know how to cope.
I thought I could manage
I guess not.
How am I?
Mentally?
Terrible.
Awful.
Horrible.
Every day criticism.
Yelling.
Slapping.
One of my lights went […]
Since im living this horrible pain, i certainly could realize how cruel the destiny plays his game.. it goes like that: the right person comes in the right moment into your life, and  everything is disposed for teaching you how inevitable disgraces and mistakes are.. something is clear for me: it is not my fault, but at the same time, it is certainly my fault in a way.. that is the painfullest thing: it is like the miracle of the life, with all his unstoppable suffering.. at the end, you are just naked, looking into your empty hands, with no way to set free your […]
this poem could use some work but eh, i’ve had some writers block so
you and I are out in the sea
Lost and afraid, you look at me
I hold you close but pull you down
and look away as you start to drown
I watch you sink then start to swim
Remembering that it wasn’t me you loved, it was him.
the sun goes down and I’m all alone
Shivering in the dark blue water, i’m on my own
The storm approaches and the waves hit
I ask myself “is it time to quit?”
I kick and scream in desperate need
someone pick me […]
I have been MIA for awhile, had to deal with all the crap in my life. And to be honest I’m numb so numb that I wonder if the pain was honestly so bad that I had to shut it off like this. Other times I question whether I ever truly cared in the first place. I loved this guy once and he broke my heart and soul TWICE. And I feel nothing, absolutely nothing at all not even a little something. I look at him, I’ve kissed him again just to see how it would make me feel. And yet there is nothing I […]
I haven’t been this bored since my wedding night!
Sing it, Billy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcUCYtyaLrY
hello . this my first comment on this site. where to begin . well things are not good atm. I’ve no prospects. bad luck with money . no chance in hell getting into college so there goes my dream job of being a web developer . combined with the fact I’ve an awful case of dyspraxia which means I struggle with simple tasks. I’m 24 years old living a nightmare everyday. I struggle everyday afraid of what this year will bring. I see death as an answer . I tried to hang my self back in 08 but fucked it up of […]
So for about three years I’ve always wanted to kill myself, the thought never goes away, I tried everything to get it out of my head but nothing works..I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, feels like I’m locked up in chains
please, how do I get this feeling away, how do I live a happier live witbout the consumption of poisons into my body, I’m lohelp my mind is slowing dying, my soul slowly vanishing, please help.
The famous poem goes
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
But I can’t say I agree. I refuse to “whimper” out. Never have and never will. I haven’t always won my battles (Christ knows I haven’t), I haven’t always fought bravely against my enemies. But I’ve NEVER rolled over and taken it.
And Life is my greatest enemy. I will not roll over and take it, like so many […]
I know I said I’d leave this site. I know I said I’d attempt and end it all. It doesn’t matter now, half-hearted attempts won’t get me anywhere. I guess I’ll just have to wait until I finally go insane for me to be able to end my pathetic life. Life certainly doesn’t improve at adulthood, turning 18 just makes shit more complicated, for anyone wanting to tell me that I should wait and stay alive. Typically, it seems 90% of the people I remember seeing here have gone for good and I’m just left here. That’s always how it goes, no matter […]
I feel worthless enough already. My very first day of school, I felt ignored and lonely. This then created an alternate me. One who doesn’t think about herself but others, to feel and be included. They never asked how I was so I knew to keep it in, all these feelings of loneliness and fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of being judged. One wrong step and I crash to the dust. I failed her expectations, so I beat myself down, she did too. As a high achieving person like herself, she expected highly of me. So every night from then on, screams and shouts […]
Sigh. I had some clarity! But now..
I just wrote a long post about my life this past month and why i think i have been having so many jumbled thoughts lately. How absurd life really is and got into whether my life seems confusing because of my racing brain or if my brain is racing because of the events this month.
But of course it all deleted itself before i was done. Grrr. Mushu
Life sometimes, i mean what are the odds? It’s like there is some invisible line on my “life worth chart”..or something. And every time my life value goes above it. […]
How long does it take to suffocate? Just wondering if anyone knows . If you dont know then please dont respond. Dont tell me not to do it or I have choices or im not trying hard enough or I feel sorry for myself. Ya every body goes through shit and someone always has it worse , still want to die so tell me what you know or dont please. I just wanna know how long it takes.if anyone knows I dont want advice I just want to leave this world I dont care. I dont have family or friends im alone so it wont […]