I know I said I’d leave this site. I know I said I’d attempt and end it all. It doesn’t matter now, half-hearted attempts won’t get me anywhere. I guess I’ll just have to wait until I finally go insane for me to be able to end my pathetic life. Life certainly doesn’t improve at adulthood, turning 18 just makes shit more complicated, for anyone wanting to tell me that I should wait and stay alive. Typically, it seems 90% of the people I remember seeing here have gone for good and I’m just left here. That’s always how it goes, no matter what, I am always left until the end and everyone else I know or care about leaves me or goes in a way that is out of my control. I hope they are happy anyway.
As I said, the path to insanity is the only thing left for me, I had hoped to kill myself before I start doing things that’ll get me arrested, but hey, might as well go crazy before I finally die.
2 comments
I’ve tried reaching out on so many sites so many times and it feels like no one gives a damn. I hope it helps knowing that someone read your post and feels as helpless as you do. Sometimes it feels like the pain will literally make me explode. I struggle each day to find a reason to go on–I am a mother and that’s what’s stopped me so far. I guess I understand your position. Taking direct action is hard. In some ways, just slowly slipping in full-on insanity would be a relief. “Normal” people can’t admit, can’t scream, can’t rage the way the insane can. I want to scream and rage every single day.
18 is a suck ass age. It is a transition into adulthood, all transitions suck. I am sad to hear that 90% of the amazing people you have met here are gone. Fortunately, you are not. Half-hearted attempts will not get you anywhere in death nor in life. What have you always wanted to do, since you were very little? I have always wanted to go to college and see some of the world and I’ll be damned if I leave here before I accomplish what I’ve set out to do.
Ya know, I took almost two bottles of Neurontin when I was 18, luckily, I survived. There was something much better on the other side of that hell. I did “go crazy” I broke the law, did drugs, you name it, I have probably done it. I hated myself.
I began to see the world differently while sitting in a prison cell, suddenly I realized that I was not so different than everyone else. Everyone around me was struggling. I found my spirituality and never looked back. I am now happily married with two great kids. Something I once thought was impossible. I love and am loved because I lived.
Keep your head up honey. Here’s to YOUR happy ever after.