I have been terribly sick for 8 years. For this I couldn’t finish my study. Its a complicated sickness. The worst is every time i hope this is gonna be fine i am back to zero. I have gone through several surgeries. It was painful. I thought if I try to have a better life , a normal life I may have one day. Now I am all alone here, no family, no friends . A guy loves me, we are married for more than two years but we can’t be together because of this goddam sickness. I wanted to leave all these and go […]
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gonna
Today is going to be very bad, have snapped
Why is he still with me.. He said he doesn’t have fun.. That I need to grow up.. That I’m going no where in life… If he thinks all this how can he love me and how can he stay with me..
This all makes me wonder if I can’t even make the love of my life happy.. How am I ever gonna be happy?
Im not sick and throwing up anymore. thank god that was horrible im never gonna try to overdose again. dont do it you’ll regret it.
got a 12 pack of natural ice and 2 25 ounces of it. I love you guys.
runs through my body. You give me a dirty look, I hate you, you fuck with me, I hate you, you wrong me in anyWAY and I will see that my vengeance towards you will be swift and painful. I am a ticking time bomb and one of these days one of these fuckers in my life that I have to deal with is gonna cross me the wrong way, and that’s when the shit will hit the fan. Watch the fuck out, my patience is running out :)..
unfortunatly I don’t gave the money to get a cab or pay for it. My aunt is gonna allow me to get drinks on Friday. At least I’m lucky in that reguard. This is the last two weeks of my life, I wanna get drunk and pop pills ya know. I wanna be freed up to do what ever the heck I wanna do until the time comes. Don’t know how I’m gonna sneak vodka into the house. Guess I’d have to put it in my underwear as silly as that sounds as long as the bottle can fit. Guess for now I’ll stick to popping […]
when the time comes, I have decided that I want to be creamated. Would any of you like to have some of my ashes? I’m gonna give most to my far away sweetheart and my aunt. I’d like to also give some to the people in here thst gave the most support.
i have been wanting to die for a decade. When I first came on here, I was really looking at 6 months to a year to live, enough for a “peaceful death”. Now that everything crashed around me on top of the crap I already been going though, I can’t stand another moment on this BBBofBS. The depression and PTSD is so bad that it hurts.
Thanks to my basement, I got a nice little workshop going on. Building two unique things that should make me pass out faster.
when I go to the doctor this week I’m gonna ask for sleeping pills “because I been having […]
my life is at bay nothing bad but the ache in my heart. i really miss him but he seems over me. i fucking knew one of us was gonna get too attached and it was me. dammit i just want to forget about him. go back the few weeks i fell for him and change how things happened. my only 2 friends are being supportive and keeping me busy. my mind always wonders to him. everyday i think about him and i go to walk up to him but i see that hes with hes friends and today he was with a girl so […]
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
And know in your belly
You’re never alone
May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You’re never alone
Never alone
Never alone
I’ll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn’t goodbye
My love will follow you, stay with you
Baby, you’re never […]
been having slot of flashbacks over what happened and what happened before, I’m gonna drown those motherfucking thoughts down. Thanks your all your love and support. I love you all
I read a lot of things about natural selection and how people value beauty over substance. I started thinking – I’m gonna do my own research! So I went on YouTube and looked people who was crying out for help, mainly those ones who use flash cards. The “attractive” ones got all kinds of support and sympathy while the “overweight” and what society views as “unattractive” got mocked and made fun of, even if there issues where more serious. It’s sad! Empathy being induced in the human mind based on physical attraction…….another example of the insane majority.
I had this friend who I started talking to online. Me and my far away girl met him from a chat site. His wife left him after 4 years. He admitted that during the entirety of the marriage, she never let him do anything sexual with her at all! No sex, no foreplay etc! I was completely shocked.
He is a 43 man with Cerebral Paulsy, she was 25. She left him for another person with CP. I felt so sorry for the dude. I even ordered him NASCAR video game with my own money.
For almost a year after she left him, he praised her and blamed […]
Ah, the beginning of the school year. Makes you want to tear up a little, doesn’t it? I mean, anxiety attacks are no stranger to me, so tearing up comes naturally. But hearing that first bell in the hallowed halls of Woodford High School made me cringe in my Vera Bradley backpack. Don’t get me wrong, getting to see the little freshman cower in fear was SSOO much fun, but seeing all the couples and relationships makes me want to smack my head on a wall. It’s fine though. The first day isn’t always as horrible as people make it out to be. I mean, […]
I was planning on dying this week. But I didn’t have the balls to do it, or the opportunity really. So now I’m alive, I haven’t exactly decided to live but yet here I am. Now I have no idea how to go forward. Work starts on Monday and I’m gonna have to be happy. can’t really be depressed around little kids. I’m scared. So scared to move on. I worked for a summer camp and did horrible, the lady implied that I shouldn’t be working with kids, yet here I am. All the jobs I have lined up for the fall are with kids. […]
Last night I didn’t think I’d get to drink here again after last weeks shananagins. But after Donald Trunpesue debating skills, I convinced them to allow me to have only a 12 pack of cooers light. I usually get extra with it but conceded to there rules because drinking the light stuff is better than not drinking at all. Eh I wish I spent my time drunk better. I spent the last two hours debating with them once again on my right to die. I don’t even know why I waste my breath with them on this issue. They don’t believe that I have s […]
i drove up to okc because my step mother and dad are getting married and brittany’s (step mom) dad offered to give her 2 grand for a dress. we found a dress after playing cat and mice with her dad for the money. we couldnt pay for the dress becase her father lied about giving her money he offered. brittany works hard for everything she has never asked her father for shit and always looked after him. we stoped at 7-eleven and her father pulled up drinking and driving gonna get a DUI. my step sister is making a scene about it almost fighting him. […]
im tried talking to my aunt once again about helping me with supplies I need for euthanasia. I gave her all my logical reasons, told her that I’d feel so much relief just by having it here, even if I wasn’t gonna use it right away. I told her that it’s not fair to force me to live without a peaceful means out and that if I continu living, I’m probably gonna die a painful death anyway. She said “I’ll make you a deal, if you ever become terminally ill I’ll help you”. But I’m NOT terminally ill! I want this instrument of euthanasia. Even […]
1. What’s your age? I am 19
2. Are you religious at all? I used to be more than I am now. Illnesses will wake you up to reality and you start believing what’s really true. What’s your stance? Atheist.
3. What’s your first memory as a child, the earliest you can remember? My step dad yelling at my mother and being scared in my room, crying my eyes out. I was 3 years old.
4. What’s the best memory you have in your whole life up until now? Being with my great grandpa in an old WWII museum as he told me stories of […]