I need a hope to live

I have been terribly sick for 8 years. For this I couldn’t finish my study. Its  a complicated sickness. The worst is every time i hope this is gonna be fine i am back to zero. I have gone through several surgeries. It was painful. I thought if I try to have a better life , a normal life I may have one day. Now I am all alone here, no family, no friends . A guy loves  me, we are married for more than two years but we can’t be together because of this goddam sickness. I wanted to leave all these and go back to my family . But now I have to stay here with nothing to hope for.

I feel choked, I can’t breathe. Life is unfair I know, but how far can you be pushed? I tried , I tried so hard yet I am deserted in this lonely place with no money, no friends and no love. I feel I have wasted my whole life for future that would never come. People mocked me . Now my whole world is shattered. When i feel choked I try to gulp down my pain. I have no hope to live for, I have nothing in my hand to look for. I just wanted once chance to live with my love for sometime and I don know if i will ever be with him,  I wanted live for once and I don’t know if I will ever get a chance. I feel like why am I living now? To waste some oxygen? But I wanna live. I tired so hard to live but not like this