Welp lets see its all in the name ive started to do…… coke now not weed n pills or k2 anymore I moved up to coke and u no I think its cause I just stopped caring I was doing so good then my friends crashed into my family in the back nothing happened then my gpa got mad told me its always my fault for stuff like this and then my friends made me really happy then my gpa again fucks it up tells me im stupid and crazy well maybe I am I just ugh I give up drugs music thats what helps […]
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good
Very bad day. Holding on but its fucking excruciating.I feel burdensome and taxing to my kids… I can feel every emotional crime iv comitted or been the victim of inside my chest ,and I can see the bloody trail of abandonment ive left in my wake .If only.if only..IF ONLY ……….but theres no one for me anymore,and what right do I have to even imagine I can have another chance. Ive thought that once th kids are both in college,that I could be with someone again-but its delusional of me.Ive used all my chances up..I just want to walk out the door and into the […]
“I am a poor, wayfaring stranger
Traveling through this world alone
And there’s no sickness, toil or danger
In that bright land to which I go”
Is it time? Is my time to head to that land finally here? I found out tonight that everyone that I thought was my friend thinks I’m a “thot.” I don’t blame them. When I broke up with the guy I was seeing here, that same night I hooked up with someone else. A few nights later, I got drunk and hooked up with someone else. Who wouldn’t think I’m a slut? I guess they’re right. The realization that everyone […]
i cant believe my life is turning out this way. i gotta stop it. for the love of all that is good is there ANYTHING i can do to help my family? if not….i may just have to pack it in, cause there wont be any more reason to live.
i cant help but feel that no matter what i do what pills i take who i talk to it, its never gonna be good enough. suicidal thoughts will not go away, the only thing that makes them dissapear for a minute is self harm, i hope other people understand but nobody i know gets it.
Alright so this is better than spewing shit out on twitter to people who know you, or potential employeers…
Anyways so I just started my new job, but I’ve always had a problem with social environments.
It’s hard for me to interact with people around me, and the work gets so busy. I end up feeling pretty alone sometimes.
Also a lack of social confidence at a work place? It’s no good to say the least. People don’t look at you the same way.
Funny thing is I used to be much better, even though I used to be quiet, I used to be good with girls! My mojo […]
Being alone for me, can be good or bad. It’s never really either, there is peace in being alone sometimes, but other times… I’d do anything for someone to be near me.
It’s weird, craving company, for me anyway. I never really was a social kid – I’ve said before I found it difficult to fit in and I was never really bothered about going out too much. But I don’t know, something changed in secondary school; I found myself wanting to be… accepted? Wanted? Included?
I changed my habits I guess – I stopped reading and writing so much fanfiction, stopped holing myself in my room […]
My son is 18, he lives elsewhere, I’ve been a deadbeat mum due to something called bipolar disorder which rendered me incapable of making good decisions. I should have had my son adopted, my mum stepped in but later on she stepped right out and put my son into care at 8 while I had yet another psychotic breakdown. There is no dad for my child. He was psychotic, paranoid, a drug taker, denied paternity after refusing to use a condom for the one time we had sex.
Friends and relatives have good relationships with their kids, they were wanted and planned. Kills me inside.
The guilt […]
What makes you think you know what’s best for you?
What makes you think you know what’s right and what’s wrong?
What makes you think you know the difference between good and bad?
What makes you think you know what you’re doing?
What makes you think you know everything?
I havent drank in a while because it usually ends up very badly for me but tonight, im really needing to just zone out. As I was pulling into my driveway coming back from the liquor store, I saw a wallet in the street. It had a decent amount of cash, some gift cards etc. I could have taken it all and just tossed the wallet in the garbage but, knowing it was the right thing to do, I took it over to the guys house and gave it to him. He was very grateful as most people would be but, unlike how I used […]
I’ve decided life really isn’t worth living, and want to die. I want to commit suicide while still being able to use my organs for donation, so I can at least save a few lives in the process. The problem is if I die and no one finds me right away then my organs will be no good. Also I read death by cardiac arrest as opposed to brain death will make it so my organs will be unable to be used. I figure since I’m going this route if I can do some good and save a few people in the process it would […]
Fucked up fact about me, people that care and try to help me annoy me. So what kind of person does that make me? I have dark thoughts and I don’t feel guilty about them either and sometimes that worries me. I want to love someone, I want to care, I want to feel something good but I can’t. I feel nothing but hate, annoyance, and anger, nothing more and its eating away at me. There aren’t any good parts of me left, I’m glad no one likes me that I matter to no one I’m glad I pushed them all away. Because if they […]
So I’ve had these thoughts before that I just want to go but this was years ago I mean like ova 5/6 years ago. These were always easy to understand that in a bad place bad times not happy etc.
Now all has changed, I have no issues in life or with people all is good, but now I feel at ease with it all.
Recently thoughts returned and I’m quite happy about it how at peace I am with the idea, the thought of going mostly puts me in a really good mood and crack on with the days work looking forward to later […]
I don’t want to cut anymore I don’t want to smoke But what reason do I need to stop for? You wanted me to change and I did I became a whole new person just so you would be proud of me and where did that get me? It got me nowhere your still not proud, I don’t want to be a mini Jasmine or Laura Jr. I want to be Mya and Mya wants to dance, sing, run away with her guitar and write music. I was happy in Oregon I had a bunch of friends and almost had a boyfriend But you dated […]
Is anyone out there in the same boat as me?
26 years old
I’m unemployed now for about 1.5 years
I can’t afford the repayments on my unit
I’m fat
I’m ugly
I’ve not a cent to my name
Oh, yes, and I don’t have a drivers licence
I’d just like to know if there is anyone going through the same thing. I guess it feels good to know you are not alone. I don’t know.
I think that I am feeling better. Or am I? I am so used to telling psychologists about my life, but I haven’t really listened to my own words. Could this actually be my reality? Seems like a weird and sad movie, really. I’m going to try to keep this short. EDIT: Turned out to be longer than expected…
I’ve had OCD for like forever, which probably is harder than I realize. I lost my best friend when I was 8 years old when a tsunami hit Thailand, my father has been drinking way too much for as long as I can remember, my mother has […]
I would smile to friends and family for the longest time. I would smile like nothing was wrong to keep people away from asking whats wrong. I kept that smile up for the people who thought my life was perfect. Nobody knew the pain N suffering I had to go through to get to where I am now. I’ve walked a thin line from never getting caught to hey what happens if I get caught. During that time I was N still am suffering from PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, and mood disorder. I watched a family member do things to me that I should […]
A child alive,happy
A beautiful child to love
A child corrupt,in tiny increments
What made her trample childhood
She tore it from herself ,it was constricting
She threw it away,then came back to burn it
Be Gone forever,for no good reason
She broke their hearts,she broke the window
She fled their eyes,their words,their love
She cut herself on the shattered glass,stepping through
The first cut of thousands to come,she glanced back
Her childhood still smouldering ruin,she ran into night
Trailing disregard ,reckless abandonment
Her first victim,her favorite victim
Herself
Well, this is the way
it goes for some of us.
We try our best,
we fight the good fight…
…and yet we cannot succeed
against the greater forces.
..And After everything
we’d been through,
Our moment
will finally arrive.
To part from this world,
and to move on to the other!!!