I’m here. I’m with a man that I love, but idk how much he loves me. I’m still here, but he needs me for work. I know he could do it by himself, but it’s easier with two, and he wouldn’t have to pay a helper/assistant. Sometimes he acts like he really loves me. Sometimes he’s a monster. Says I have alot of making up to do. I was a horrible drunk for our first year together, so now I have to suffer. We haven’t had sex in over a year. This blows my mind. He’s amazing in that way, but now we […]
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I don’t know if I should be here. I feel as if I’m wasting their time; doctors, support systems, YMCA. I know they all say that it’s the reason they’re there, that you’re not wasting their time. But honestly, I’m just not mean enough to tell them that they are in fact, wasting their time.
It’s not their fault, it’s just the state of mind I have gotten myself into. I guess only I can get myself out of it.
Don’t get me wrong, I do see a point to life. But it contradicts it’s self. I thought the meaning of life was to give it a meaning, but then […]
Well, I will uh, I’ll keep this concise. I am admittedly young. I am old enough to realize that I have feelings for members of the same sex, and, when my parents found out, indeed, my dad broke into my phone and found my boyfriends contact, we’re not happy. Their supposed perfect son was…. Undesirable as far as they are concerned. They have tried to get me to fix my “lifestyle” and “help me though this phase.” As it is, this is just…. Breaking me. I physisically cannot fathom how who I care about can make me undesirable. And while, I have figured might as […]
I am a married father of 3, in my mid 30’s. I’m not here for help, hope, sympathy, empathy, or support. I just need a place to chronicle this slide. I’ve been in some dark places before but I think this one has been the longest and darkest (more than a year now). There have been some short interruptions, which is why I am probably still here. These interruptions aren’t times of happiness, just times of neutrality. Speaking of happiness, I don’t know if I’ve ever had a even one true moment of happiness in my life. I’ve had moments of excitement, but I don’t […]
I’m stuck and I can’t seem to pull myself together. Each day I wake up it’s a gamble. I never feel happy, it’s either thoughts of suicide and tears or just being idle.
I miss the place when I was the life of the party. I used to feel great. I had friends and did many activities.
I have always had a void inside myself and filled it with things. From a boyfriend, shopping, working and even drugs. The past year that void feels like a gun shot in my soul and all the things that filled it don’t work anymore.
I feel empty and broken. I was […]
If I can ask you to take a moment and answer my question, it would really help. My life up to where I am has not been good to me so far. I am a 17 year old male who and have been depressed for most of my life since I was little. I dont show that i am extremely sad and so I am a jokester to most of my “friends” and family. And the reason I say “friends” is because for all my life no one has had my back when push came to shove. I have not had a girlfriend or have […]
I had a fleeting thought of shooting myself with a shotgun while urinating, moments ago. I imagine the upon the blast you would feel great pain, and would get an ear ringing sensation. Then your cranium, and the surrounding flesh would be turned to compost. Of course death would occur somewhere within the moment your head is intact and your flesh blends into a pile of chum. Just seems like such a violent way to go. Certainly a certain way to get the job done, that’s for certain, but all the more sickening.
I simply can’t shoot myself, the thought of it is so unsettling. Of […]
I want a fing drink. Being sober is nice most of the time… The thought of booze is great, but really you turn into a blathering idiot.
What the hell do i di? Hes told me he did this to his ex wife. That he can break all my teeth out, and bail out the next day. I can take alot, but he covered my nose and mouth with me in a headlock, and than i REALLY understood, he could kill me. Its great for him, because no one would evwn look. I dont speak to my family, have no friends anymore. The only people […]
I want to do it, just out of spite. Won’t change a thing for him. Maybe a little pity from his family. Good excuse to do some drugs again. He doesn’t hear a fing thing i say, thats if im allowed to talk. Save my life, bring me back for what, to torture me. Homeless isn’t fun. Thats more of an early twenties thing. Florida is hot and people are cruel. I just want somebody to give a sh$t about me.
I really just want one of you dumb fing kids to listen, but no one will. It will happen to you. You aren’t invincible. Rape, […]
Hi, everyone.
The past couple months for me have been the same as before: sad. Then I realized something today, I can actually change my life, like maybe I’ve actually just missed this big solution to all my problems and now, I can finally be happy, or something.
Generally, people think I’m ‘chill’, and I guess I am, on the outside that is. On the inside, I have great turmoil. You see, I’m a very pessimistic person. Small offhand comments can stay with me for weeks, months, or even years. I’m always told to start ‘thinking positive’, and I’ve tried but it never works, or maybe it’s […]
I think most of us here have a lot in common. Details might be different from situation to situation, but at the core there are a lot of similarities.
Some here have a reason to live, and I think that is great. Some, like me, don’t. And that sucks.
But, for most of us in that second group, we have another thing in common. There is that one thing that could change that.
For me that one thing is quite simple. If only if she would just be my friend again. Not asking for anything more than that. Just friendship.
Even if the possibility of getting back together wouldn’t […]
My story starts when I was little, my mom was seventeen going on eighteen when she had me and my sister. She struggled to make ends meet and she still wanted to go out and have fun like any young mom would, my father wasn’t around for the first three years of my life so my mom used to find babysitters or drop us off with family, she would be gone for night and nights on end my family told me. When I turned three me and my sister were dropped off with my aunt and uncle and custody was handed over to them, my mom […]
Alcohol… makes me feel great for a few hours then horrible for about 24. Last night I drank two-thirds of a bottle of wine, way too much for this middle-aged woman. Pills have never been my friend and I try to avoid sedatives as much as possible, but insomnia, a companion since childhood seriously kicked in the past few months along with my suicidal tendencies, and I’ve been reaching for that bottle of pills too often. While the pill hangover is zombie-like the booze makes me want to die even more than ever.
In the past year I’ve managed to almost completely isolate […]
i hit a weight point today i guess (im not even sure what its called) and i dont know how to feel about it.
i’m a healthy weight now and my BMI is great and all but like i dont know
i guess i found some comfort in being underweight i guess and i know its fucking stupid and pathetic
but like being underweight for me was being skinny
being able to have a small waist and shit but now that im a normal weight im not skinny in my mind anymore and its just such a fucking drag
Theres a great psych doctor on youtube his search name is drofmindmd and he deals with suicidal patients as well as schizophrenic and bi polar. If you need to know anything about a drug or illness thats what you should do. Good luck!
So far there have been two things, and only two things that have kept me from committing suicide.
1) Fear of the unknown.
This life is terriable yes, unbearable and causes me suffering every single day. I just want out, I just want it to end and I think I would be doing everyone a great deal if I left now. I would be ridding the world of a horrible, evil person. But I believe in being selfish, all I care for is myself and what worries me is what comes after death. What if it turns out worse than what life is like now? […]
Gummy bears, Jack Daniel’s, good beer, great bud, Volbeat live on u tube on a huge TV with mad surround sound and I still hate life. To those that mean it blow your Fukin head off, that’s the closest to definite your gonna get!!! That’s REAL mofo’s! WURD!!!
I have friends, I have a great family, I have a great boyfriend. I’m in my early 20s and started my own company 2 years ago. Since then nothing has gone right with it. My developers quit after months of not delivering on promises, and my current developer is treating me like shit. I have had suicidal thoughts off and on all my life but I’ve been having suicidal thoughts now for weeks… Today and yesterday something was different. I feel really numb. I keep trying to get out of it, to think about my family and how much it would hurt my little brother […]
The last time and post from me was in July last year I believe. I want all of you to know that I got through everything, I have even lost track of the last time I self-harmed. I don’t have nay urges or necessities to self-harm and it’s great. I have fallen in some bad places since July, and I mean BAD, but my point is that I got through them, I’m currently getting through and when they’re over, I’m just going to feel free once more. So, just take it from me, love yourself, help yourself, and BELIEVE in yourself.
I’ve done the therapy. For years now. Off and on. I can’t help but feel like I’m abandoned every time the round of treatment ends. But I know why I am. Because I don’t respond to it. But it looks like I am.
I tell them everything they want to hear. Or what I think they want to hear.
Rate your mood? I’d give it an 8 out of 10 when really it’s never more than a 2.
Take your pills… great but they never do anything.
There was a time when I wanted help.
Not anymore.