Hi i feal really bad i think i need to die my mom call s me names when i was younger she punched me a lot now i am 16 and she tells me that i am nothing that i am as my dad . I cry a lot because i think if i die i will not see my causines to grow up or will make my grand parents sad . I balive that there is someting to live for but i can not live because hering so much bad stuff hurts me a lot i think the only thing is to jup under […]
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grow up
I don’t know why, I told my wife that I hate her. I do t hate her at all, it’s just easier to push people away so taking your own life will be easier. As I’m writing this I’m looking for a long enough extension cord in my garage so that I can hang myself. I’m going to make it easy on my wife and call the police before I kick the stool out from under me so that they find me and not her. I’m not an abusive husband, I work very hard to provide for my wife and son. I just think it […]
I see myself running around chasing two kids. I see myself laughing on my wedding day. I see myself being happy. I think it’s all attainable. To grow up, be happy and lead a life that makes me smile.
I know that I have many years left. The number of years I have lived is considered small. In people’s eyes I’m considered a child. I don’t find myself mature, but I don’t find myself childish either. Why is age so important? I think of my future. It seems as if I have so much ahead of me, but my mind reminds myself that what I’m thinking […]
Have you ever felt like a tree whose branches can not stretch out? The other seeds that were born along with you grow up as humans and you are the only one who actually a tree. People ask your protection when the sun is hot, or simply ignoring you. I kinda assure myself from time to time that ‘Well! It’s finally normal now, but then you see things become worse again and you feel you’re suck again and sick of it.’ It is more or less like an eternal death or a time paradox. There are blind people, homeless ppl, deaf ppl, and I have this […]
I don’t know if my memories are real anymore because they blur with my dreams of you. I dream of how things should have been. As you torture my mind I cling tighter to those memories and dreams and I feel guilty for loving him now that you are gone. I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I deserve any happiness because you didn’t have any, I feel like I’m betraying you by building a life with him. But I have to. I’m stronger now since I lost you but I am weak, and stupid. I make bad choices and I hurt people. The ones […]
animals think ” when i grow i become like human”
humans become animal when they grow up without consciousness
I stopped into a bar the other day for a pint of new castle, on my way home from work of course!
I sat down, not too many folks at the bar..a couple playing pool! Anyways..
I’m sitting there and this (kinda) young dude is sitting there talking it up with the tendie, sounding like he had had a few already. So I’m sitting there just sorta chiming in on conversations going on, sipping my ale… And then me and this young dude get to talking about death and old age.
We both made it plain in our opinions that living past a certain age […]
I’ve always liked that song. My time here on earth is almost up. I have only a few items that remain on my checklist. Throughout this process the only regrets I have is never being in love, never having a child of my own, and not being around to see my nieces and nephews grow up. I’m not afraid of dying. I thought I would be but I realized that fear was based on religious beliefs and on the uncertainty of whether I would be successful in my suicide attempt. I’ve decided not to fret about either what is meant to be will be. I […]
Simply put, I think it’s all crap. Not the things, good and bad, that have happened in my life thus far. Heavens no, that won’t do at all. What’s crap is that people sincerely believe that I should be “happy” that I’m alive. I was given a life (that I never asked for, by the way), and I now it’s apparently mandatory for me to be thankful for that fact. I’m not here to blame my parents for being arrogant pricks and assuming that the child they created would be happy with this “gift of life” that he never asked to receive. Blaming others for […]
I have been in such a deep depression for the past two years that i have relapsed on cutting and it got to the point where every other day i was thinking of different ways to kill myself. Finally one night it got so bad that i knew i would do something drastic if i didnt get help so i texted my friend that i live with. She was in the kitchen partying with her friends and i tried for an hour and a half to get her to come help because i couldn’t get the courage up to go out there. She wasn’t answering […]
That’s all I fucking do. Why am I here? Because I have to take care of my Mother, because I don’t want to upset my brother. And what happens when I tell my brother how I feel? He uses my niece as an emotional bargaining chip. ‘Oh,’ he says, ‘don’t you want to stay alive to see her grow up?’
He doesn’t get it. How could he? It’s his fault I feel this way. The beatings, the emotional abuse, the sense of powerlessness and just being trapped. I’m 26 and I don’t feel alive, I never had a childhood or a real life, I’m just the […]
I’ve always wanted to have kids someday. Four to be exact. I know what you’re thinking, that’s a lot of kids. Well yes, but I love children and I’ve always wanted to have two of my own and to adopt two. I want to spoil them and love them as much as possible. I want to give them the world! But today, I stopped and I thought about the little boy or girl I’ll bring into this world someday.. and I realized I didn’t want that for them. I dont want want my children to grow up in such an ugly, hurtful world. I never want […]
I’m tired of people saying that they understand my situation that I should just get over it. I’m sorry my unhappiness is bothering you, would you like me to leave? Like holy shit. I get it I may be a downer but back the fuck up and revaluate yourself, you aren’t little miss perfect either. I make mistakes, I do stupid things I’m human just like you and the rest of this world.
I have no one to share my feelings with except the web where squalling little children are crying about their life and how “hard” it is because their parents “don’t understand them” and yadda yadda yadda. Get over it, you are 12-15 crying that you hate life and you never get what you want. Well, news flash! Life isn’t fair you little shit. You will learn one day as you grow up and it is going to be one hell of a ride but don’t fucking meander around moping how you have a shitfuck life because your parents won’t let you stay out till 2am […]
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