Getting really good at tying a noose

I don’t know why, I told my wife that I hate her. I do t hate her at all, it’s just easier to push people away so taking your own life will be easier. As I’m writing this I’m looking for a long enough extension cord in my garage so that I can hang myself. I’m going to make it easy on my wife and call the police before I kick the stool out from under me so that they find me and not her. I’m not an abusive husband, I work very hard to provide for my wife and son. I just think it will be better for him that his dad won’t be around. I have suffered from depression for more than half my life now, I just don’t want him to grow up having that around him. I hugged him before they left for my wifes sisters place and told him to be good for mommy and to listen to her. I have to go now