As I sit in my lonely room in this midnight I see the hell I live in I see my dad put guns up to my moms head and then act like everything is okay I have to see my mom on drugs and she has been on them her whole life and when I was younger I thought she was actually happy but it was the drugs but now im 13 and im a drug attic and im a alcoholic I also self harm and these are the only way I can escape
“That must’ve been a doozy,” said Mrs. Bergeron to her son Melvin. “I think your ears are bleeding a little.”
Of course Melvin couldn’t hear her until the ringing subsided, but he could see that she was doing her best to show compassion.
“I’m ok, Ma. Gosh, that was a doozy.”
“That’s what I said,” she repeated. “Must’ve been a doozy.”
“What must’ve been?”
“I can’t remember,” she answered, shrugging as she had done so many times before. Being precisely at the National average level of intelligence, she didn’t need to wear a Brain Handicapper like her slightly-above-average-intelligence sons. So she could only guess what the loud disruptions sounded like–that […]
She dreams of a day when she won’t have to cry herself to sleep.
Staring at the scars on her wrists she knows this is not who she wants to be.
Another night all alone with her thoughts, dwelling on the questions that race through her head.
Scared to sleep, scared to wake up & face the day when she can’t forget the things that they said.
No one knows all the weight that she holds when she feels alone.
The memories, they haunt her.
No one sees all the pain she brings everywhere she goes.
She feels they’ll never want her.
I have a couple weeks off soon. I can head into the woods camp a few days relax and just never return. Solitary peaceful quiet… then just gone.
At least that way my death could be a little more interesting than, “He got back from visiting family all Summer and promptly shot himself in the head.”
All I’ve got to do is make it ’til the end of August, then I’ll be back in CA with my crossbow and I can just hike into the woods and be done.
I hate my life, I hate who I am, I hate that I ever existed here. I know full well I will never amount to anything,.my family thinks I’m so smart, and I go along, no I’m not smart…if I was I wouldn’t be in this mess I’m in.
I really don’t deserve this life, I don’t deserve to be alive. I don’t why I’m saying this, I just had a moment of thought. I have alot of time alone and it gives me too much time inside my own head.
There seems to be no way to break this, I see the future as hope…because I […]
I remember leaving my soul
I’d forgotten that I needed it to
Feel
But maybe when I die
I’ll just grab it real quick
And come right back
I remember losing my mind
I’d forgotten that I needed it
To think and maybe to keep me alive
I can’t believe I’vegot this far
With a head so empty
I. Remember losing my faith
I forgot I needed God like a big brother
But maybe when I die
I will die escaping
I will die returning to the fold
Today is Father’s Day and here I am in solitude because I’m such a failure as a father. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety over a year ago and I’ve been struggling with it for a long time. I had it managed until recently when my medication ran out and with no health insurance, I’ve fallen back.
Today’s supposed to be a celebration of one’s father and a celebration of me being a father…but depression reared its ugly head and I yelled at my son and in turn everyone has turned their backs on me. I’ve laid here for hours thinking about the butcher knife […]
Rest assured i cannot think
Close your eyes begin to sink
kiss the hand of fear so sweet
let this silence be my treat
hear the voices in your head
let them fill you up with dread
they can get inside your mind
tell me now what they would find
would there be a shining sea
would it turn black from all the grief
where does this train of thought lead
are you ashamed for me to see
let this silence be my treat
kiss the hand of […]
Latly I’ve been having these feelings that suicide is the way to go. It started out with depression and has since moved into these bad moments of me just feeling so horibble I just go straight to suicide. Its hard for me to open up, I’m Marine so to all my friends and familyni am su pposed to be the big strong one. The one who has it together. When its far from the truth. I recently took some leave to see my friends and family and while I had some good times, it wss hard to enjoy others since I was in a trap […]
I hit myself in the head and slap myself over and over when no one is around. I hate myself. I cry and scream. someone please help me someone I am going insane please someone help me.
I only come to this website when I’m feeling down
and that’s ok because I know it will pass eventually
but it also sucks because I know that it will also come back like always.
It’s just a bummer to be doing something and then have the horrible thoughts come into your head. You don’t want them there but they stick around anyway, making everything miserable.
Anyway, that’s all.
I hope you all have a good day, stick in there you guys.
“SHIT I DON’T KNOW!!” ..? Did anyone actually say those things? Regardless of whether they did say these two, are you creating in your own head what else you want them to say about you? Do you see that you are upset because you waste your time justifying yourself to others? Do you realize that justifying yourself is grounds for more ridicule? Do you realize the importance of self-worth? Do you know the difference between an egotist and an egoist? Will you find out that one is dependent on instant gratification and the other will demand that you become competent? Do you realize the importance […]
I had a fleeting thought of shooting myself with a shotgun while urinating, moments ago. I imagine the upon the blast you would feel great pain, and would get an ear ringing sensation. Then your cranium, and the surrounding flesh would be turned to compost. Of course death would occur somewhere within the moment your head is intact and your flesh blends into a pile of chum. Just seems like such a violent way to go. Certainly a certain way to get the job done, that’s for certain, but all the more sickening.
I simply can’t shoot myself, the thought of it is so unsettling. Of […]
Its May 1st 2015, or 5-1-15 (5115).
And so, a palindromic poem:
Baited Breath
Exhale no inhale
Bag over head
I didn’t understand
Questions thoughts, unaddressed
Fear bubbles, darkness decays
Blackness surrounding
Pain in extremities
Gasping controlled
Everything means nothing
Life, abated
——
Abated life
Nothing means everything
Controlled gasping
Extremities in pain
Surrounding blackness
Decays, darkness, bubbles fear
Unadressed thoughts, questions
Understand, didn’t I?
Head over bag
Inhale no exhale
Breath Baited
I don’t know what the hell’s going on. I’m on Prozac, 20 mg/day. I don’t do alcohol or drugs or anything. I’m not even that depressed right now. But I’m seeing things…at first these things weren’t too scary, just a little annoying, like Gingy would steal my pencils and hide them. But now Gingy’s rabid. Whenever he shows up I lock myself in the bathroom. He can’t get in the bathroom because that’s where I was conceived.
What the hell am I supposed to do? He brought some of his friends, they’re outside…the doors are locked, my dad’s at work…it’s tough to even focus on school […]
Your line, cast in the water. You feel the tugs, its like you caught something.
Something you wont let go. Only, at the same time, it pulls you in, under. You
don’t even notice.
Somehow you are both breathing, alive in each others worlds. Both cast, both reeled in.
Both caught.
One day, the line snaps. You find yourself shivering, wet, on the shore. You
try to go back, your lungs fill with water. Gasping for air, choking. You
strive, you push on. Darkness surrounds. Red appears in your peripheral.
You see a glimmer in the murkiness. You reach out. They dart away.
Still you stay.
You don’t need air, not […]
Ever been so desperate for a change that you jumped head first into a bucket of bleach? Yeah. I got to that point. Desperately needed something new. What is it about small changes that makes me feel better for a little while? Why does that seem to hold me over for a few days? Its still me. So why does it make such a big difference in my attitude for a short time? I feel okay today. Even after waking up to heartbreaking news. […]
So, there’s been news about the possibility of a head transplant within a few years, and advances in stem cell science. With the possibility of immortality dangled before you, will you reconsider your decision?
Ignoring the scientific feasibility:
Would you see immortality as infinite chances to try again and improve your standing?
Would you see it as eternal suffering?
Hey there, Basically I’m 18 dropped out of school. Ive been facing mental health problems since i was 15 and tried to take my own life. I was hospitalised this year for 9 weeks and then a day patient for 6 weeks after. Im no better and I’ve the doctors have decided to stop treating me as they don’t know whats wrong. anyhow due to this fact that i can’t be helped and my lack of future and many many other things I’ve decided that tonight I’m going to take my own life.
does anybody have any tips on like is there anyway i can make […]