Im here bc i need to pour my heart out somewhere rn. what better place than here, in public, to people who feel what i do? i used to post regularly on this, i’d always try to look on the bright side of things, try to hold on. but what bright side? what do i hold on to? there’s nothing,anymore. im tired of being my own hero. i don’t plan on staying here much longer, maybe until the end of march, little before april starts, maybe around 20-25th. i really don’t know how to tho, the pills i tried last time did not work. i […]
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Heart
I look in the mirror, I say, loser, freak, fa&&ot, piece of $h¿t.  I say, you SUCK!  YOU’RE NOTHING!
Every time. every…. time….
Sometimes I can say things that are nicer, kind of over top, or after. Â But I can’t not hear the hurtful words.
People said these things all through junior high and high school.  One was even a Policeman’s son.  Nobody did anything Not even when I was hospitalized twice for trying to kill myself. I’d just say I was fine, and nobody batted an eyelash to it.
It gets worse from there…. long story short, I’m in my thirties now, Â I still hear their words…but it’s […]
.I feel so depressed, I feel like i’m becoming emotionally and physically weaker! I just feel so dull and sick that I don’t even want to wake up in the mornings and feel like i have no hope :'( No one accepts me the way i am and I have become a bit boring since my depression. Idk if its because of that or not though…=( Gahh sorry for being dramatic but i feel very bad nowadays I’ve been lonelier than ever before as my self-proclaimed “best friends” don’t even message me or call me or anything. I understand that I go to a different […]
i love to hear the sound of your pain
i love the feel of the blood in your veins
your heart beats at an elevated rate
do you think you can escape?
inside these walls i rein supreme
i can torture you in any way i dream
its not so different from what you did to me
so mother fucker i want to hear you scream!!!!!
you beat me and hurt me
you twisted and turned me
i was your pawn and now im king
so fight the matador in his ring
whats that you say?
your sorry?
a little late for a sob story
I don’t feel like proof-reading this. Sorry if there are any errors or unclear ideas in this text.
I’m suicidal. I’ve wanted to end my life for several years, though I’m only 19 years old. I’ve been institutionalized twice, but I only had a short recovery after both. The medication they gave me stopped working, but things got drastically worse when I stopped taking them. Now I’m back on anti-depressants and mild neuroleptica. They worked wonders for about a week, but now I’ve gradually become more and more depressed and chaotic (in my mind).
Why is it like this? Why am I so fricking depressed all the […]
My whole life I have had horrible luck. I always had to struggle for the things I wanted while the people around me just got it handed to them.
I started self harming when I was around 11 it started out as light cutting on my left arm and then once I made enough cuts I would stop until they healed
One night I decided to write a suicide note and take a bunch of pills. I took around 60 pills of all kinds, some sleeping pills, some pain relievers, some pills that were just there. What ever pills I had I took them
Some […]
I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up in the morning crying. When I actually make it into work I fight back the tears until I can no longer take it, at which point I go cry in the bathroom. I’m in college and when I’m at school I managed to keep it together as far as not crying but I don’t hear anything the teacher’s saying. My mind is a clouded mess. I can’t focus on anything school related. All I can focus on is holding the tears back or all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding my mind. […]
Do you ever feel like maybe your purpose in life is truly to kill yourself? I honestly feel that way all the time. I trust God with all my heart and I believe that I have a purpose, but I also have this underlying feeling that my destiny is suicide.
It’s kind of crazy, not that any of you know me, but if you did, I would be the last one you’d pick to write the above statement. A few people do know about my anxiety and eating disorders, but even they would never suspect suicide. There’s those people, dark and mysterious, that you know […]
I’m really sad about my life… And I want kill my self… I thought about this a lot, but never had the “courage” to do…
My girlfriend said I “killed” her happiness, and it broke with all my heart….
I can’t make the most important person in the earth for me happy.. so why I should live more?
All fights is the same… I want give up… I’m not strong enough…
I know it’s a little silly… But is how I feel inside…
I’m saving myself the time of writing my entire story. It’s a long one. The change in my life the loss only just happening 1 year ago this month. I’ve posted my story here once before, it was about half way through. While things have continually gotten much worse since I haven’t been this concerned with how things are going to play out. I’m at the end of having any real choice on how I leave. I’m about ready to just drink as much antifreeze as possible. I’m scared honestly to live and scared to feel any more pain. The antifreeze while painful I wouldn’t […]
Drastic Actions
I’d heard countless stories on the news about how kids my age had tragically taken their own lives. Nobody had ever noticed the warning signs they said, the parents thought that their sweet daughter was perfect, that she had no problems, when in reality she had more problems than most. I never understood why no one had ever noticed the signs or, if someone did, why they hadn’t cared enough to tell someone. I always thought that if I felt this way my family would notice; my friends would tell someone, my teachers would be worried about a change in my […]
I find myself wishing I wasn’t born.
I find myself widhing that someone would look at me and see the pain i am because I cant bring myself to tell them.
I want everyone to realize I am not the bitchy sarcastic person they think I am, I use it to hide..
Why do bad things happen to those so young and full of life, Why do they come in and stomp the joy out of us killing all hope, love and joy.
The day get worse despite the promise of “It gets Better”.
My heart and soul aches and I don’t know what to do…
i get that i’m young but still… i can’t believe you pressured and hurt me that badly so i’d give up the o0ne thing i’ve wanted for years. I’ve planned.. I’ve Prepared… and you said you were ready.. then changed your mind? how is that fair to me… i keep having dreams of being a mom now.. but i don’t have that chance because i gave up their life for you.. i regret it with every inch of my heart and i wish i didn’t. i need support right now.. i’ve already had such a hard life and now i’m even sadder and even more […]
I want to feel happy again,
I’m sick and tired of this world.
There’s nothing to feel but pain and hatred.
I may have not done much,
but the actions I’ve made are enough.
The bile of hatred rises from the heart,
to break me.
To break me from my small air of hope.
I can never take a breath of relaxation,
I can barely rest without panic.
I want to see myself fall off my balcony,
I picture my blood seeping through my flesh.
I want to have my guts torn from my insides out,
I don’t want to feel this, it only makes me feel alive.
I don’t want to smile, for you.
I want to smile for […]
Why does this shit always happen to me. I try to be happy everyday but i guess im just really good at making a facade to every day of my pathetic little life. Who am i? my apparent friends always back stab me in the end i only have one friend who is my brother (not real brother) ive known him since we were 4 and i trust him with my life but others i meet sure ill be nice to them and shit like that but i try not to trust them or else id be breaking rule 1. Trust no one Suspect everyone […]
You left me with the peices.
You left it all to me.
I had to fix my own heart.
While drowning in misery.
You left me broke and scarred.
I burned you left me charred.
You never really cared.
I guess what i thought was special,
was never really there.
(c) too young to feel this way, that’s what our families say. too blind to make it last, should listened, shoulda obeyed, maybe if we did, you woulda stayed.
Too young for a first kiss, too young to feel like this. that’s what all our friends say, shoulda listened shoulda obeyed, maybe if we did, there would […]
You left me with the peices.
You left it all to me.
I had to fix my own heart.
While drowning in misery.
You left me broke and scarred.
I burned you left me charred.
You never really cared.
I guess what i thought was special,
was never really there.
(c) too young to feel this way, that’s what our families say. too blind to make it last, should listened, shoulda obeyed, maybe if we did, you woulda stayed.
Too young for a first kiss, too young to feel like this. that’s what all our friends say, shoulda listened shoulda obeyed, maybe if we did, there would […]
Are you okay with this part?
Are you okay with my heart?
Are you okay with the scars?
The once perfect ghost studded with stars
Open skies ripped the night apart
So if I kissed you on the cheek
Would you push me into you?
If I held you close to me
Would you push me to choose?
I don’t wanna mess this up
If this exists at all
I don’t want to move too fast
But I don’t want to be alone
So if I tried would they talk?
Would you break me?
Don’t you wanna break me?
They all wanted to hurt me
Steal what I […]
we have to much destruction and crime on the streets
welcome to america the land of the free
but what if that fact is the fact of what has you beat?
you have no where to go and nothing you need
the laws the law is what they always said
but what use is it to you when your already dead?
no sense in living a life that you cant already live
abuse and neglect that is all that can give
moma says she loves you, shes just fucked in the head
no sense running to daddy, cause daddy already left
out the front door […]
Currently we are studying the cold war in my history class, I think about how a war was never really fought. I realize that the fight between my heart and my brain is like the cold war except I am the only casualty my body and soul take a beating every day while my mind battles what my heart desperately wants…the sweet relief of death…the adrenaline caused by the blade and the worry that I will soon be caught…