So I haven’t post in here since 2013. Oh man, that’s a long time.
I guess, things got better during time, but I still feel a blank inside my heart after giving all my love and destroying myself for a person whom didn’t give a fuck about me. Now I have a boyfriend, but I don’t feel like I am able to love him as much as he loves me.
I feel blank.
I can’t feel attraction towards any other human being.
It just feels numb.
I guess life doesn’t make sense when you are not able to love.
“Love”… It’s what we always called each other. A promise to each other that we would always be each other’s true love.
I’ve been thinking about writing to you, in a way that you will not hear me, not see me, but I could see and hear you. I could imagine how you’d react– the way you would have reacted– without having to bear the thought of you pushing me away. Everytime I try to speak to you it gets worse. Everytime I try to see your face, I tear up.
Since I was twelve or thirteen years old, I knew I had some sort of problem. I did […]
I really want to let him go but i cannot it has been two miserable years filled with heart brake and tragedy. I love him yes i do with all my heart but he’s a monster that made me into a mentally insane person. Your probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about well heres my story.
He’s my boyfriend and well we have been together for two years now almost three I’m 17. at first things were nice and filled with butterflies and rainbows but then, but then i saw the monster that was hiding behind that gentle warm smile. You know i used […]
I think the saddest part isn’t that a year ago at this time I thought I had it all figured out. The saddest part isn’t that the girl I love more than anything stopped waiting for me to find a way to get back to the same town so we could be together. I don’t even think the saddest part is that in the year I had to get things on the right track that few if any things worked in my favor. No, the saddest part is that I will be having a birthday in a few weeks, and that I will be 27 […]
This is a question that I am posting in hope of an answer, most of my other posts are simply because I need to get it off my chest, but this is a life situations I really need help on.
Maybe this isn’t the place to do it, but, well it links in.
I am a rape victim, I was caught up in an verbally, physically and sexually abusive relationship in my teens.
I have been with my partner for 2 years now, we have discussed engagement and everything is okay. That is exactly why I feel so trapped, it’s just so – ‘okay’. I mean we have […]
Six months I was with her. More than twenty break-ups; her leaving me, her making me feel like I was worthless. One day we’d be fine and the next day she’d break my heart. I know guys are supposed to move on with no problem, but with her it’s different. I was in a horrible depression when I met her. She knew exactly how to make me happy, exactly how to cheer me up and bring a smile to my lips.
Her name is Trixie. She’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Every day I tried my best to make her happy, I tried […]
continuing from Story of my life.. part 2
It was Christmas eve, everything was great. Until Nick came up to me and told me he couldn’t be with me any longer. He told me he had fallen out of love. That was it. He walked away. I didn’t know what to do. At first I was doubting it even happened. It was probably another daydream of some sort. But it was true. He left me standing in a hallway, never looked back. I was told to just move on. Time will heal. In a few weeks you’ll be just fine. There’s lots of fish in the […]
I am 18, depressive, bipolar, an alcoholic, on zoloft, and way too sensitive. Yesterday I messed things up with this guy I was dating. We were talking at night in bed ( I was drunk and high ) and he started talking about how because of our 7 year age difference our relationship, as in officially dating, wouldnt last long. Basically during this conversation I told him I loved him (to which he replied ‘I’m not there right now’), and I cried. I behaved in a way that maintained no dignity for myself.
I have been unspeakably depressed all day today. Really, the worst I’ve […]
So this is my first post on this board. I’ll start by stating that I am not going to even edit this. I’m just going to speak straight from my extremely damaged heart. I often wonder, how many of you are like me? I mean I’m here because yeah, I have thought about suicide. I continue contemplating it.
Why is it that “good people” want to take their own lives? And why is it that society and others are so quick to judge those who have attempted or do commit suicide? Don’t they understand the amount of pain and torment one goes through for them […]
Been a while since I vented to my fellow suicidies. Thankfully, I haven’t been feeling so suicidal lately– but I still feel mentally unstable. I guess most of the reason for my mental stability has been my comfort in solitude and repetition. As much as the repetitive drag of everyday seems to weigh me down, I’ve felt quite anchored in it.
A few days ago I received the ominous “hey” text from an ex boyfriend. My repetitive reality has been temporarily shattered. It’s been almost a year since I last spoke to this ex boyfriend. I’ve been through a couple stages: When is he going to […]
Heads up, this is a rant. I need someone in the world to hear this even though it will never change my life. No, this is not the only reason I want my life to be over but of all the reasons, this is the only one I chose and I want someone to understand how stupid I feel and how lost I am.
I don’t even know who I am anymore. I used to think that when I started my own life, I’d do things right. I’d find love and give love. I’d be strong and confident. I’d make everyone around me feel welcome and […]
He broke me down and got into my core, the capital of my heart. He happily resided in the blood of my soul, or so I thought. Unknowingly he was living in someone elses heart much more happily resided in theirs rather than mine. Caressed my mind with sweet nothings and empty words that should’ve been full of emotion. Worked into my brain and blindsided me from the signs. From the facts. I thought maybe somebody could be content and liberated with just me and no one else. Told me his fears and goals. Broke into tears full of heartbreak and confusion .. all for […]
I’m not expecting much. There’s little risk here.
A man jumps from the tenth story of a building. A crowd gathers – though not too close – to the scene of the act. You always need one person to alarm the ambulance; perhaps one to call the police, too. Â I’d recommend someone to clean up the mess.
The rest are mere witnesses. In all, a heartbreak for a few, an inconvenience for some, perhaps an envious end for others.
Now, there is someone else: the person looking down from the ledge. It’s hard to see them, as they’re so high up. There’s the obvious distraction down below, as […]
For all my life I have just passed from one painful absurdity to the next. And all along I thought, woe is me, I haven’t any luck in life; a life of a boy who was intellectual, creative, loving, and self-aware. As I came to adulthood, I came to the melancholic realization that I am none of these things, nor have I ever been. Even with every shred of sorrowful heartbreak and death of a loved one or a cherished emotion, from every punch in the groin to every stab in the neck, the truly, most dangerously negative force was my own sense of self. […]
i found this website by searching for ways to overdose on pills so i decided to make an account to see if it would help but, now from reading other posts from people that are around 30 and over that i cant relate to in debt and what not, it just makes me feel even more alone. I’m only 13 and i really shouldn’t be deserving any of the crap i get. I know that people have it worse than me but right now, i should be worrying about boys and whatever a 13 year old girl worries about, i shouldn’t be worry about hiding my scars. […]
This is kind of long….
The longer I sit here the more I think about not posting this, returning to my dark corner of existence, but posting will relieve some of this pressure… I hope. I don’t know why I chose now to share my story, but then again maybe I do. For my degree I have to take a mandatory counseling class, and to pass the class we were made to stand in front of the entire class and tell about how screwed up our lives had been. Loss. Heartbreak. Rape. Molestation. Abuse. Suicide. We heard it all. Having to go through my own personal […]
Wish I could be
your best friend
your sister
Wish I could hold
your hand
your love
Wish I could forget
all the pain
Wish I could remember
the lost days of my past
days where you stood beside me
and held my hand
while I tried to hang onto sanity.
Which I can’t do anymore.
Not without you.
Im 60 years old, was married for 25 years, 3 kids, 5 grandkids. Been divorced for 4 years now. Divorce was difficult since kids sided with the mother, but have since come back around. I was somewhat emotional about divorce but more upset about kids. Been dating since and has had its good and bad. 2 years ago I met a lady that rocked my world!!! She is awsum. Problem is I wouldnt commit and I messed up by pushing her away somewhat during a major house buying and renovating project. 2 weeks ago she dumped my sorry ass!!! I am devasted, been crying like […]
Hi, I dont know who to talk to or who to open up to because my pain is my pain. And no one can ease that pain. I sit here and I think that the people that said they love me or care for me but where are they now. It’s true, I’m going to be alone and no one to cry to or tell me we are going to get through this together. W hy have these men come into my life and took that one thing I CHERISHED. Therevare times whereby I just want to find that one blade that will end my […]
For years I’ve been afraid of fear. My main phobia is hands. How does an artist come to be so terrified of what she needs to use to create? And im not talking like an “ew, they’re creepy” fear, I mean full blown body shakes, nightmares, parinoia, the works.
and that’s only one of the endless list that i dont want to live.
There’s also heartache after constant heartbreak, the last one also the worst one, i just cant seem to recover from. Mainly because of the loss of my very first child.
There’s also having to choose between my parents, who divorced when […]
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