again, I am in this deep hole. I am feeling very lonely here 🙁 All those people who are around me over the day, no one to talk to and if I try to start a talk with someone they just leave me alone 🙁 I have holidays next week and they will be like hell again. A whole week where no one in my age talks to me. I am just so tired of searching for friends, unfortunately I am also so tired of being alone. I hate everything at the moment. I hate how I fail at everything I do. I hate myself […]
I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety/borderline avoidant personality disorder.
I was going to go to group therapy. I never did.
I was seeing a counselor. I stopped going.
I take an anti-depressant. It helps a lot but not enough I guess. Less anxiety and less pain but that isnt enough.
I live a solitary life. I am like a hermit. I barely speak to people. I avoid women. Don’t make eye contact, speak as little as possible. If they seem to like me, become vaguely hostile…put up those old barriers. Whatever it takes. Because it hurts and they can hurt me more. But all I really want […]
and by that is, apparently it’s highly rare for anyone to have common sense anymore… Why am I always the only person around anyone I know to have the common sense to think something through, to see the solutions to do what’s right, but no one listens to me… In this world full of lies, and currupted greedy bastards, I still stay truthful and pure… In this world, all those horrible people continue to get rewarded, while I’ve never seen a day where I’m not punished… for what? for existing? for being right? for being honest? for being hard working? for having humanity?! all the […]
Kill me to free me
Tis my only option now
Cause I don’t have faith in myself
And ive lost my way long ago
In this storm that I brave to see a better day
I find myself crawling
Clinging to the fragile roots that doth hold me here
For my soul died long agoÂ
I live as a hollow shell
So go ahead and kill me
Send the rest of me to hell
Or release me from this hell
Where today I now dwellÂ
Searching for something else
To stay for, to breathe for, to live for
My tears have fallen for you
For the past the present […]
I was so depressed last night. Poor me, poor you. Poor fool who thinks your life sucks. Shit, I’m sick of pity. I’m buzzed. I drank a cup of Jack, now I feel good. I can’t help but wonder how long this will last. 10 more shots and I’ll want to die. I have an extra big bottle tonight. Manipulation has always done me so much good. I know my habits, drink and feel good, drink more feel okay, drink too much want to die. I have too much alcohol in the fridge. Way too much alcohol for one man to handle. Blah blah blah. […]
It’s been a while…
A long while, actually… over a year. People still respond to my last post, which means I have helped over 1,000 people that were considering suicide…
But tonight I write to you in distress. Yes, I too, though a survivor, have many struggles.
Today is my 19th birthday, and I’m alone.
I have been drinking, and thinking much more than is healthy.
I have lost so much… yet I am needed here. It hurts, and I know I’ll get through this, but at times… you just need to vent.
Take a deep breath… think of what has driven you to this […]
Okay, so when i was three years old, my parents got divorced. I was fine with it, and everything was okay. Untill my dad got remarried…
My step mom has been a b*tch to me basically my whole life. It was kinda like the Cinderella story.. but for a few years (when i was about 7-12) everything was okay. But now im almost 14,. & the past 8 1/2 months or so have been shit.
Its not all because of my dads family. Some of it was me making stupid decisions. I know this may sound ridiculous […]
hey everyone …..xx
hope you are all well .. <——- that question is so fckn annoying dontcha think .. = of course we are not well dumbass !!
well i know im not – i dont know what to do .. im so lost – numb – sick of my life !… im so scared im confused ..
today ive not really been in touch with reality to be honest – ive not even got washed or dressed – TRAMP ALERT !
A short post, because I am about to go to work and spend a few pointless hours doing something there now everyone is going home (so I can be alone).
Anyway, trying to buy time, moments, minutes and sometimes seconds. Now I find though it is not enough, this isn’t going to work in the long run. How can we buy time (and I do not mean economically) to keep ourselves alive when the pain is too great?
Have tried working, traveling, buying things, hurting myself, putting myself to sleep and just literally wasting time, but when those things pass, the pain remains, and it hurts like […]
I’m soo depressed, sick & tired of being sick & tired!! Why does life have to be so damn hard? Why can’t I ever be happy? Why do the people you care for hurt you the most? I just want to end it all!! The HELL with life!! What I wake up, get dressed, go to work, kiss my fiancé goodbye & head out. But what do you do when the person you swore was your soulmate betrays your trust & violats your boundaries? I’m in love with a woman whom I grew up with, even as kids we were always together. Now 16yrs later […]
Everyone just works their asses during Jr. High and High School so the can get good grades and go to college. Then once they’re in college, everyone works their asses off so they can get good grades and graduate and get a good job. Then everyone works their fucking asses off in their jobs so they can make money. Then once they have money they buy a big house but they can never come home to it, can they? That’s right because they’re too busy working their asses off to afford that house and cleaning ladies and putting their kids through school even though their […]
The pressure is building, and I am about to fucking explode, but I know that if I cut then I’ll be alright even just for a little bit while I stain my arm red. I want to die. But if death would bring me peace then I don’t deserve it. I can’t feel anymore. Does this make sense? I have gone completely numb. All i have is the memories of the actual emotions. but it’s almost as if they are scratching the surface, and maybe if I cut they’ll come seeping out so i can feel again.
Why am I so alone. I feel so empty. […]
It would be nice to have a best friend that I can share everything with and not be embarrassed. I live in Utah..aka HELL lol and it’s so hard to find real people. I have a so called best friend right now, but she always gets mad at me for stupid things I do, and when she does stupid things, I just sit there and listen. Hmm…so I guess she really isn’t my best friend huh? Well if anyone wants to be my friend or talk I would absolutely love that. I have a lot of baggage…but who doesn’t? I’m 18 btw. I could really […]
first off let me just say how happy i feel finding this website
(albeit a little random, just googled cold and alone)
Like im sure everyone else on this website my life story is a bit too long to include on my first post,
so i’ll try and keep it to the point.
I had a somewhat happy childhood. I did have sexual contact (mostly with other boys around my age at the time)
when i was still very young. Then the infamous 8th grade came along and everything changed.
I had to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, be cool etc in order […]
A teenager growing up in a world where he has many friends, he gets good grades, he’s athletic, he likes girls and girls like him, it seems like nothing can go wrong in the world. He loves spending time outside. He loves snowboarding, soccer, basketball, and football. He’s finally met the girl of his dreams and he’s in a relationship with her. He’s in college and he’s loving his freedom. He studies, but not as well as he should. He’s off in his little world, populated by the students of his college, where nothing can touch him from the outside. The only things that harm […]
I’m fine again. A few weeks ago I was about to kill myself but right now I want to jump from a bridge just for fun and feel the adrenalin, I know I’m crazy but this is my high and as long it gets, as hard the down will be.
I hate this thing on my life that I can’t never be happy for a while, if I get some hapiness then something bad happens and it’s taken away from me. Right now I have a crush on this beautiful girl (I’m bisexual) so all I want is speak to her and spend time around but […]
I am on klonopin and abilify and it had been working really really well for a few months. But now, even though nothing in what I take, how I take it, and when, its stopped working and I have regressed. Now everything is worse than it was before, I rarely feel anything and when I do its usually intense anger or sadness and I have started cutting again. My therapist wants me to consider inpatient therapy but there is such a stigma that I am afraid because I dont want people looking at me like I am a crazy person. Suicide is a thought that […]
**pardon my lack of grammar and editing but i just don’t give enough of a damn.**
I’m only fifteen.
I have spent my tiny little life feeling like I’m on the outside of everything looking in on it.
Do you know the feeling, like you are the only one who realizes just how fucked up everything is? I do and i feel that way every day. All the rich white people at my overly socially competitive high school, my family life, society, the way our world works, life, they all seem like a circus act to me. i feel like almost every person on earth sees life as a fluffy cake with sweet pink […]
I’m finding myself praying for death. My son is an addict, who treats everyone horrible. My family is ashamed as am I. My relationships have been one freakin disaster after another….I just work to pay my bills and support losers who won’t get jobs and take, take take.
How did I end up like this? Why do I honestly want to disappear and leave this horrible life behind. I fake a smile, I show my caring side..yet my emotional bank has been withdrawn for years now. Someone out there has to understand how I feel? I go to psychologist and they listen..but hell….the problem is me…I […]
I have been obsessed with someone for the last 4 years. All he did was lead me on and no matter what I couldn’t walk away. He is all I think about. I just want to see him, talk to him and be with him. He’s been ignoring my texts and he treats me like shit. I have tried hundreds of times to move on, I have gone through months without talking to him and throughout that time I broke down and refused to talk to anybody, I just stayed in bed listening to music and cried non stop. He always talks to me again […]