If you’ve made it to today. Hooray! Suicide was yesterday! lol…
O_O
sorry I’m high. lol
Tag:
high
I wish I had someone who cared
I wish I had someone who would wipe away my troubled tears.
I want someone to keep me up high,
even when I just want to die.
Everyone has that person they need,
of course everyone except for me.
I yearn for the love of truth,
the person who was destined for me ever since birth.
Stay strong, he’ll say at the end of every goodbye,
but the joke’s on him, because he’s the reason I’m still alive.
I wish I could have the one, who will love me for me,
and not care for scars.
I wish […]
May 11th, the day I lost someone very dear to me. 8 years ago. That’s the day I will say goodbye. That’s the day that nothing will matter. If I’m lucky, I’ll die and I’ll finally get a break from this mean cycle. The day before my first exam. Finally a way to escape. I just need to figure out how to do it. I could poison myself, slash my wrists, hang myself, but I’ve always been more open to jumping. It would be like facing my fear of heights with my last breath. I could jump off the bridge, my school, or even in […]
My father died when I was 9, cardiovascular issues. My stepfather went to prison for 15 years when I was 12. My mom has struggled ever since to make ends meat. I’ve never had a father figure growing up. My grandfather has had various heart open surgeries, he’s had cancer and now I’m Seeing signs of amnesia. He can pass away any time of any day. My mother has a couple issues, she just found out her cancer tests came out high. I don’t know what to do in life. I dated this one girl, Shannon. I thought she was the one for me. She […]
I remember when we were children
And we wished so much
To grow up already
And to be a grown up
Or most likely a teenager.
I remember when I was a kid
I had the biggest imagination
And I still do, but it’s not as magical
It was this big thing that I loved
I still love it too, but not as much now
I remember when I wished
I wished to be a teenager already
To not be treated as a child
To put on heels and sophisticated outfits
To do hard and difficult math equations
I remember when my hopes were high
My hopes were […]
i get overly optimistic after smoking.. does anyone else get that way?
i have this whole game plan for life. then when the high wears off. i’m back to square one. suicidal and damn near tears
There are times when you will wish that you have never, ever, started this life.
I want to CEASE right now. I wish I’ve never met everybody I know. I wish I don’t exist in such a suffocating world. Tears don’t suffice anymore. My eyes could simply not spare me anymore.
I’m so tired. I want to float away mellowly to God’s embrace. Someone that truly cares for me. Oh God on high, hear my prayer.
Frozen In Time
And
The leaden
Stone seared
A passage to the light
So that the darkness might escape
So that the spell might for once break
It sped through the darkness
And it caused no trail of fire
Nor yet feelings coldness freezing
There were no sounds trumpets calling
There were no voices high pitched screaming
No fires brightly burning
There was only darkness waiting
Her arms outstretched
Receiving.
My first attempt I took 26 or 29,I can’t remember but I can bearly take ten without getting the feeling of throwing up.I have a long way to go.I feel high & my stomach Is starting to hurt,that means that It’s doing It’s job
I’m on my six advil.I’m going slow so I don’t throw It back up.I feel kinda high,I hope It stays like that & hopefully I feel no pain.I’m sorry to everyone.Sorry I wasen’t good enough,I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused anyone.I’m sorry for everything.I’m crying right now cause I had dreams.I’ve always wanted a kid.Always always wanted a baby girl;(I wanted to name her Savannah Miranda Espinoza.Damn I feel the advils.I need to hurry up and get out the house If I do pass cause I don’t want my sister to see my body.Fuck Is this really It or am I just […]
Hey.. so my doctor just put me on this a couple days ago. I’m not really sure what to think of it. It’s supposed to help me with my moods, but is primarily given for seizures (which i don’t have).
So far i’ve been very jittery and shaky on it. My anxiety is so high that i feel like i’m constantly having a panic attack ( how my heart feels).
I’m on a small dose to start.. 25mg.
Just curious if any of you have had any experience with this drug.. and what it’s done for you.. bad or good.
They tell me to ‘stay strong’ and they tell me that things get better but do they really? I’ve been told this saying for 4 years now and nothing has gotten any better for me. In those 4 years my dad left over summer and while he was gone he cheated on my mom. He’s back now. Shorty after my mom got rid of my two dogs that I loved so much because she said that I “didn’t care about them” well I did. I cried for days thinking about them. Then about a year after that bullying got bad for me, it was the worst year of my […]
She’s on the floor, bleeding out
I thought she was dead, without a doubt
My honesty is brutal, I’m a killer without care
she could go missing, and i wouldn’t tell anyone, where.
I can hang you high or cut you low
but I’ll always make sure, you know
I can be cruel, I can be stiff but if i could, i’d jump off a cliff.
I’ll suffocate you in your sleep.
I’ll wait till midnight to bury you deep.
I’ll stop your heart, so it can’t beat
and i’ll shoot you once  so you can cheat.
I’m a killer without a care
but I myself have been […]
I start out each day
All brand new
With a smile on my face
And my head held high
I socialize
I laugh at jokes
And I even give advice
But somehow my day
Always ends with a wet face.
I don’t know how to control it.
It keeps creeping right on back
It’s like a tickle in my throat
It keeps pestering me
Until the attention is given.
I don’t know how to deal with this nonsense
I think I may go insane
I just need […]
I’m so tired of this nonsense. I can’t stop this school from wearing me down. I’m not even a full teacher in this place. I have to get out of here.
I’m exhausted. But life is far more difficult than this for so many other people. I can’t stand the simple problems of my life because I am not well.
I am watching avideo about the famine in Malawi in the last decade. The emaciated, the sun-baked, the hopeless…
People let the prices of seed and fertilizer go sky high, and the farmers couldn’t grow anything.
I’d have died as a child there.
Perhaps, that is best. People like me […]
I don’t know how to be the way I used to be. Happy, caring, and ignorant. I have such a hard time when I get sad. I’m not depressed, I don’t think so. I’m happy, or at least semi-happy at times. I’m not a person that is miserable all the time. But when I do get upset I hit rock bottom. I lock myself up and cry and scrape my fists on brick walls.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what the hell happened. It’s as if someone snapped their fingers and I turned into someone started to disprove of, […]
muted cry of despair
a gruesome play
flung up high in the air
no holding on to no ledge
the rush of adrenaline and the rush of lurking silence
the sky is the poison
seeping inside your head
infecting what’s been left behind by agone parasites
the ground is the healing
take a moment
in mid-air surveying the barren waste
your home
no soul in sight
old ruins adorning it
for the blink of an eye you dare to enjoy the peaceful solitude
gravity sets in
now prepare for another round
between the claws of your slaughterman
I’m completely new to all this. I’m not use to throwing my thoughts out into the open because I don’t believe people actually care about what you have to say. I’m a pretty reserved person, doesn’t talk much or engage in social activities. So I’ve decided to turn to this site for all the shit that weighs on me, because I don’t what to do about it anymore. Eighteen years old with no desires or dreams. I find it pathetic. This should the high time; experiencing different things, graduating high school, going to college. Nah, it’s all been ripped away from me. I use to […]
I have an appointment this afternoon with my therapist. Â Do I tell him that my suicidal thoughts are beginning to reoccur with greater frequency? Â For so long since I was hospitalized last year, I’ve been free of thoughts of killing myself.
I don’t want to go back into the hospital or into a residential mental health facility because I’ve admitted my depression is growing. Â I also don’t want to disappoint my family by relapsing.
This weekend my wife, my oldest daughter, and I visited my youngest daughter who’s away at college. Â I was very irritable, probably more so than at any time since I was treated. Irritability […]
Lately I’ve been getting a lot closer to suicide than I have been in a while. I’m between the three methods that I have access to: hanging, slitting my wrists, and ODing. The thing is, I don’t know if any of these methods have a very high chance of succeeding. But they are the only methods available to me. I don’t know what to do.