I’ve suffered from depression since I can remember.
I attempted suicide when I was thirteen. According to my mother, it was a phase.
I’ve been flirting with anorexia for years. That, she said, was a phase too.
But my mother was often naive about a lot of things.
Like her husband for example. He’s cheated, he’s lied, he hit her and sexually abused her.
My mom was ill. Most of what I remember of her was her being admitted in to hospitals. She was blind. I thought most of her ailments were due to the fact that she had diabetes since she was 11 years […]
i thought I was doing well. I thought I had been able to overcome some aspects of depression and hit art a new, better life. But one bad day brought me back to the point I was at over a year ago. One. Bad. Day.
Fucking why does my life have to be so fucked up I don’t even want to talk about it anymore like fuck I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!
I just never want to be looked at again
I don’t want to be spoken to or speak myself!
This life has won the game already and it’s just pulling me along for more pain to be felt!
Quit fucking around and let me get hit by a car or truck tomorrow!
@$&%#%#&$&@#%
I know what your thinking , I’m so young I have a life ahead of me. I don’t. My childhood was tossed between my divided parents who hurt each other by hurting me. My stepfather hit me , my mom told me she wished I had never been born. Then when I was 15 I moved in with my dad and his wife thinking that they wanted me me because they loved me , they just wanted to stop paying child support. I was alone I had a few friends , but then he came into my life, my boyfriend I had found a reason […]
Death has been on my mind for quite some time now. a few years ago I never would have utter the words wanting to die, just let me be able to kill myself. now the words just come so easy and i just feel like I am getting so close to the edge. I think it is a possibility that I will have the strength to do it. Everyday is something new that just keeps adding to the pile of shit that is already on top of me. I feel so worthless like nothing I do matters. Nobody has time for me when I need […]
I’m scared. Everything in my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m a failure. My family and friends are trying to support me, but all I can feel is their pity. And I hate it. I hate it so much. I just want to get away from everyone, and away from reality. I want to get drunk. Like so drunk that I don’t even know what’s happening, and just stay that way. And not have any worries.
I want to scream, and cry, and fucking hit something. I feel so angry and mad and.. I just don’t think I’m cut out for life. I paint a smile […]
I look back to 10 years ago… 10 years!? Has it really been that long!?… I wish I could be 22 again & go out clubbing every night getting wasted & lost dancing to Techno at the trendiest “gay” club, without a care. Just to be happy in that moment. Not caring if guys or gals hit on me, as long as they bought me drinks or smokes! Oh those were the days…
But now, it is no longer considered ‘appropriate’ for a 32yr old to go out & be drunk. Not that I can drink or smoke anymore. No, some bad choices in relationships have […]
I’ve always thought about suicide since I was 6. Been molested by a few people until I was 11 years old. So it made me really suicidal since a young age. When I was 17 I was disowned by my dad’s side and he left when I was 8 years old. I was thinking of ways to kill myself because it would be hard in the group home to get a way with it. So I came up with one that I thought would work. My school had a freeway above it so one morning I was dropped at school ran up the hill and […]
when you as low as you can get
in a pit were no one knows
theres no way out
pick up your gutar and play
pick up your voce and sing
pick up you mike and screem
hit the death beat on the drums
let the music fill your sole wether it screems sings or plays let it fill you
My parents hit me like crazy, yelling nonstop, and a little sister that hits and bites and screams at me. I walk somewhere else, and they don’t even notice I’m out! Yesterday, I thought about just ending it. They probably wouldn’t care.
Being 17 is such a crap age, so full of anger and hate towards everyone. People always ask me why i’m so angry, i can never explain why because i don’t know where all my anger came from. I blame my parents!
I’m have no idea what i want to say here, all i know is that i wanna write stuff down because i’m sick of making the most important person in my life feel like he has to help me deal with my past and problems, it’s not fair on him!
Anyway, I think i’m just going to list a bunch of things from my past […]
I honestly thought this summer I would be able t talk and hang out with my friends. My best friend said that no matter what I needed, she would be there for me. This morning I got in a huge fight with my mother, she threatened to hit me which made my dad step in and tell her to back off. I’m honestly lucky that he is there for me. But even though the fight was over, I still felt horrible. The things she said hit me like a bullet to the heart. Reality hit me, it hit me hard. I felt like […]
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floooooor
Beaten why for (why for)
Can’t take much more
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!
One – Nothing wrong with me
Two – Nothing wrong with me
Three – Nothing wrong with me
Four – Nothing wrong with me
One – Something’s got to give
Two – Something’s got to give
Three – Something’s got to give
Now
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the flooooor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the flooooor
Now!
Push me again
This is the end
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!
One […]
I’ve been gone for a while. i was better, or i thought i was better. i guess not. i went to training this summer to be a camp counsellor. i met so many friends and i stopped self harming. i was happy for the first time in years. but now, it’s suddenly hit down like a pile of bricks and i dont even have the energy to leave the house or talk to anyone. i have absolutely nobody to talk to and no friends left who care. i started cutting again. i feel so completely alone and this crushing feeling of sadness won’t go away. […]
I’m not really sure what I’m going to say in this. I apologize if I waste anyone’s time. I guess I’ll share my life story. I’m desperate at this point. My mother and father got divorced when I was 3 years old ( currently 17). She then married this man names Nathan. At first everything was ok. But it wasn’t… It started off with little things like if I spilled milk from my cereal he would hit me. But it escalated. He raped my sister, and would hit me and torture us all the time. Threatening to kill us if we said anything. My mother […]
Anyone else sick of people telling them they drink too much? I mean, alcohol has been around since before written history. Do you honestly think the cavemen ever said “Ugh oog agga ooga boo boo.”? (Translation: Jack, I think you’ve had too much to drink.). I mean damn. When those motherfuckers wanted a woman they’d hit ’em over the head with a wooden club and drag them to their cave by their hair. And that shit was the norm. So what if I drink a bit too much a grab a butt that doesn’t belong to me? Motherfuckin’ human nature bitches.
Found a place to stay in Northern of Arizona, in a nice little place with another individual, whom accepted my inquiry with my personal background detail (from Craigslist room-rent ads). Anyway, I hope it works out.
Also now, I am seeking out a vagabond-comrade that wants to journey with me and train, to help combat my current strife in life; to abate my symptom of debilitating “sinus-inflammation,” amongst other stricken factors, by wholistic healing, to train to be healthy in it’s highest sense and level. If you’re down, you can come along to the place and stay as a personal guest and friend, I should be […]
Comrade. Somebody. Meet me at New Mexico.
Through the valley, of the shadow, and life. Oh, comrade. A dying saint.
Lucifer has captured me. Echo, abyssal, and oblivion.
Today, let me know. Progression, evolution.
To the death, is life. The whimsical and enchanted lost people.
My name is Morlock, but I am dead. The undead. Resuscitation.
The power, the sands of hell. Contort reality like a space wormhole.
In a world to conquer our fantasy. Here, in the mystery.
What’s going to happen, I don’t know, from where I am.
Yo, second hit it.
Let’s go, we gonna roll. Can we rock and roll.
One day, may […]
had huge fight with sister
anger resurfaced
pain grew
hurt more
insulted
almost pushed down stairs
hit
slapped
punched
shoved around
lots of tears
35 minute call
tears
silent treatment
broken
I’m from SoCal, if you’re from around.
Trying to get a place in NM. Hit me up.
You just need money for food.
ASAP
