I wish there was a pill that killed me. I just want a way out. But I’m too weak to do it myself. I always think “what about my dog?” Or “how will anyone find me if I kill myself at home?” Those are things I shouldn’t be worried about. Am I truly ready to off myself?
Tag:
home
Last night I lost control over my feelings. Couldn’t stop crying. My family went out so I stayed home alone. I turned off all my bedroom lights and went and sat in my closest. Started crying; weeping. I was thinking about cutting again. I was saying to myself “You promised. Don’t break the promises you made.”
Although I promised, I turned on the closet light and looked for the blades (2). As I was holding them in my hands I kept thinking of my friends and the promises I made.
After a while holding them, it was hard but I put them back and got up. […]
Yesterday I tried to kill myself but the metal was so cold against my head. I had a fool proof plan that I was too weak to pull off. I got bullets. Got a gun. Cocked it. Held it to my temple and tears started to flow. I’m not strong enough to pull the trigger. Imma fckn loser.
I honestly wish I could disappear. Or I could pay someone else to off me. Clearly Imma failure and can’t do it myself. How much of an idiot do you have to be to fail at suicide?
Ive been lonely. So lonely. I want a husband. I wanna come […]
Today might be the day I end this miserable life of mine. Either overdose myself on sleeping pills so I will never have to wake up again, or jump in front of a moving car. I’m sick and tired of being lonely and having fake friends who just use me for things and and make fun of me with their “jokes”, and how they always tell me their “kidding around with me” It’s been eight years I’ve been going to the same fucking school and nothing has changed. As we all got older I still ended up having nobody. I’m obviously worthless and live a […]
Alright so yesterday during my third class period of the day, a CPS worker came and talked to me. We talked about my home life and if I feel safe being there. My mom’s boyfriend is in to drugs and drinking and when he’s high/drunk he likes to argue. Sometimes he’ll just be obnoxious and loud, other times he’ll get physical with my mom and stuff. What pissed me off was when she said on the report that it was mentioned that I cut myself. So she had to take a picture of me and of my arm and brought up that I was molested […]
The cool breeze
Southerly gale
Reminds me
Of where I wanna be
And I think of you
But I don’t know what to do
It chills me to bone
But no one’s around
So I go home
And break
So I’m from Australia and it’s all the same boring thing…
So here’s my story:
My mum started sleeping around with guys that were not her husband and my dad. I walked in on my mum in ‘action’ and it scarred me for life. It wasn’t easy having a bedroom right next door to hers.
My dad found out and left home, which was tragic for all of us. My mum continued being a slut. Still is.
Dad broke some news to us that he has been diagnosed with Lymphoma cancer.
to be continued…
If you found out that you were a subject (victim) of nonconsenting government testing which includes mental torture and manipulation, extreme harassment and 24/7 monitoring and invasion of personal space including cameras and bugs found inside home and had everything important that you worked extremely hard to reach in your life raped from you because of this, would you want to continue living in this society? I rest my case.
I dropped out of grad school at the end of last year. I moved home and worked there on farms for a while until I could find more permanent work. I found a new job. I just started this week and I am hating life. Whenever I have a big transition in my life (like moving to a new area) I have a very difficult time. Work is always on my mind. When I’m at work, I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job. When I’m home, I think about how my bosses are disappointed in me even though there’s no reason to […]
I haven’t been on here in a while… OK so 4 weeks ago we (me, my mom and 2 brothers) left our house. My mom’s boyfriend was back in drugs and was drinking every night and coming home and would fight with my mom. He got into a fight with the neighbor and the neighbor busted his head open, My mom had enough. So we left and have literally been staying wherever. It was really hard, especially when trying to do your school work and try to get the thought out of your head that you don’t have a home, and friends would make fun […]
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Hey. I’m currently stuck in my mid teens somewhere in the green hills of sunny old England. And I want to die.
For years now, I have been diagnosed with depression. I feel it probably has been constant in my life, after suffering abuse at the hands of my brother, then having to care for my mother while my father worked long shifts (he is always quite submissive, meaning he had to work far into the nights, often until 11pm). First of all, I tried to go on alone, with fairly minimal support. Then I made two attempts on […]
I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 14, and I suppose the reason I didn’t was because of my dog, and my grandparents. I now live with my grandparents, have been for over 3 years now, and I honestly feel stuck. Like I’m not getting anywhere in my life. I feel like I’m honestly a failure, because I don’t really very hard in college, and every relationship I’ve been really serious about has failed.. I understand things are hard when it’s long distance but all I’m asking is for someone to try.. Not give up when the first bump comes along.. and when it […]
so it seems my options now are go to live in the new mexico desert, in a bedbug-infested trailer with my sister and her husband, who can barely support themselves… or stay here with my parents, in a home of alcohol and violence, where nothing will ever change. i have to choose one or the other by the 2nd. i’m not feeling very hopeful about my future, needless to say.
I’m 23 with a 5 & a half year old daughter. I met my fiancée when my daughter turned 1 and I fell head over heals in love with him. We moved quickly & he proposed. A year after proposing he finished with me saying he was unhappy etc. For a year after this we met up every week as there was still so much love there. Eventually after a year of secretly being together, we made it official & became a couple again. In this time he had joined the army (something I’ve always supported him with) and he proposed to me again in […]
I’ma be, and you’ll see
Why don’t you know
I’m my own that wants to be
You put all your claim on me
I am the way that I am
I became
I never asked for anything
But a sick boy
Screaming for a home for his mother
My son in paradise
It’s only ever been me
And my
. . .
Then screw you, then
I’m my own key-master opening to the gate
Damn, Minotaur, that you are
We all fall in our places
Let me bounce, let me bounce
You can come whenever you’re ready
It’s not me, that does not see
Moan at your […]
I’ve suffered from depression a lot in my life. In the late 1990’s, approaching 40 years old, I fell into a deep depression my wife later said I should have been hospitalized for. I was overweight, had left my job and sold our home hoping to follow my dreams. I was (and still am) married with 3 of my 5 children still at home. The 2 oldest had started college.
The money I made from selling our home began dwindling away. I didn’t have a concrete plan or goal as to what I wanted to do but just a vague idea. I ended up moving my […]
“Are you OK?”
I’m sick of hearing this question. No, obviously I’m not OK. But this doesn’t mean that I’m ready to share whatever is killing me with you.
I’m purposeless. I’m lost. I’m continuously crying. I’m craving for some love. I’m craving for someone who just makes me feel home.
But I don’t get this. I only get strange cold stares from people I meet everyday because I have to. I see the pity in their eyes. I can almost feel it filling the room whenever I walk by.
I just want to vanish and recreate a life of mine, a total new one, where no one would […]
It’s time.
I’ve spun around in circles, I’ve tried every known cantrip and trick known to man. I’ve talked with specialists and munched on pills for the better part of a year. The result? A big fat naught.
Nearly twenty years ago a snotty kid at the kindergarden screamed that he’d kill himself, when he got angry. He didn’t not at that time no. Years rolled the kid grew and experienced what can only be described as crippling fear all the way to his teenage years. By then everything had been molten into one gray sheet pulled over the window of life. Suicidal thoughts hung heavy in […]
We ate duck and
I’m never planning
‘Cause I gotta’ go
Build my home, for my brother
And for my other
There is a sound that I hear
Ultimatum you are so near
The one that guides
The other one, chopping around
Is the garlic going bad
Never again, Cyclone
For me
Purple-one air, Nin-Jitsu
The duck place was bomb, though
It’s like my mind is clogged with overwhelming thoughts and feelings. It’s never small things either, it’s like my mind is trained to force questions upon myself like “Why am I alive” and “What’s really the point to all of this”. I feel so alone, I have few friends and none of them understand what it’s like to wake up and wish you were dead. (I’m pretty sure that’s a song lyric)
I never talk to anyone other my psychologist about how I feel, I’ve tried before and I just get judged and put down. People think I’m an attention whore if my sleeve slips up […]