Last week I went on vacation with my siblings, and there were some fun parts definitely. But overall it just made me realize once again how high the tensions between me and the rest of my family are. My brother thinks I’m weird and (possibly) a freak, but he usually doesn’t show it intentionally. My one sister tries to be as nice as possible towards me, cause she is a kind soul. My other sister was annoyed the whole trip for some reason, and when she’s like that she usually lets her anger out on other people, i.e. me. It’s basically just because she’s mad, […]
Tag:
home
I’ll take you back to a place unseen,
Back when I was just wee lil teen,
I know this might seem hard to believe in,
But there’s a side of me ya all ain’t seein’,
Dads never home, nether is my mother
never sees nether ever since they split
growing up in a world so alone and so fragile
Way too many friends, only talked to a few of them,
The rest don’t even want anything to him,
He found a girl when he was just fourteen,
who would have thought it be all a bad dream,
Was going good dating for a solid two […]
My mother resents me so much. She always has. I was always the reble, the introvert, the undesirable fat one, whenever the family was dressed for an occasion, I was left home alone. So many nights I wished somebody would’ve just broken in and murdered me. Now I know for a fact my mothers life would be ideal without me. Her words tear me apart. I want to fix myself and lose weight and be confident for once in my life but she could care less. I hate living like this. I wish someone would end my miserable life, I would be erased and forgotten […]
Sorry this ia written cappy
Hi my name is ezequiel and i am 14 years old and suicidal and i just wanna share my veiw on life.when i was 1-3 my parents brought me to arizona i lived with my mom,dad,and sister.Around the first few months that we moved here my dad began abuseing hard drugs like coke and lots of other drugs he would come home all druged out and abuse me and my sister(she was about 6 or 7)and he would cut my mom with knifes he was always like this.We were really poor my mom got a job at pizza hut and my […]
Today in 4th period I was fine, then all of a sudden I started getting really antsy and I got really nervous. I have no clue why, I asked my teacher if I could go to the nurse to take my medication (I don’t take medication) and she asked me if that’s where I was really going, obviously I said yes. But I went walking around and tried to calm myself, but instead I got angry. I started punching the walls and I started punching myself, I have no clue why. So for 45 mins I went walking, then I went back to class and […]
21 years old.
A bowler
I failed out of college and my parents do not know. As of right now they could care less for me because I have recently told them I was gay and had a boyfriend who makes me very happy. But I failed. I tried getting back into college but it’s a hopeless cause. It was a snowball effect that started one day when I rode my bike home from campus last April and I got hit by a car. I missed two weeks of school and this semester my knee was in constant pain even after having surgery. I’m tired of […]
I don’t know if anybody is going to read this, I don’t know how this works, but I hope it helps me…
I’ve been having a lot of problems at home, with my dad being mad at my mom and I, barely acknowledging that we live there too. There is just too much tension and I just can not take it anymore. So I decided to give my father a reality check, something that will show him the consequences of his actions. He either changes for good (I hope), or I’ll learn he never loved me.
I decided to sacrifice my life.
I hope my decision doesn’t sound selfish, […]
it happened on a cold winter day
and was started by a romantic cliche
the ghost of being all alone
departed when you took me home
and shattered all I’ve ever known
I can’t forget the darkness that night
except for the beam of that brake light
the embrace of your king sized bed
softened all the words you said
and reminds me that I can’t forget
our bodies’ passionate duet
one minute you were drinking with me
and then the next we’re in neck deep
I still can taste the wine we shared
and feel the heat of our affair
now it’s been burned into my head
Every-day is the same: I wake-up, and stare through my window — at the consequence of London’s cold winters. The slight breeze in my room –basically my world- makes me chilly (cold). I get back into bed, and go through my phone for 45 minutes: battling with myself not to get out bed. As the clocks strike 11, I start hearing calls to have my breakfast… I already know what the menu will include: eggs, cheese, tomatoes, olives, tea and toasted bread: I love the menu; but I’m trying to become a vegan. Nevertheless, I have some cheese, spinach and a few pieces of fruit […]
I haven’t been on here in a while, but everything has started going downhill. It’s like I’m falling into a vortex of pain and misery, and I just can’t seem to escape. Grades are down, friends are lost, the only thing I can do now is throw myself into swim training and hope that the exhaustion takes my mind off how I’m feeling. I’ve been chasing a dream for my entire life. I just realised that it wasn’t my dream that I was chasing. For some people, they can imagine where their future leads them, where they will be in 10, 15 years. For me, […]
I lived in a broken family. Divorced parents, lots of fights, my mom and brother didn’t get a long, never-ending shouting, crying and screaming. I tried not to say a word, to appear strong, to not make things worse. For years since I was in primary school I felt alone and longed for love. I felt broken inside, so broken to the point that I feel numb and empty, I had to cut myself just to feel again. To feel anything, to remind me that I can feel pain, and I’m still living. The blood trickling down my skin to the bathroom floor somehow calms […]
27 weeks. I was gone for 27 weeks. And you were the closest thing I had to home.
Granted I didn’t know you for 10 of those, but hey training has this way of flinging the unexpected in your face. More often then not, it’s a hot steamy pile of crud… but not you. I remember walking through the hall past the other platoon females room while you unpacked your duffle. I remember thinking to myself how beautiful the lines in you shoulders were. How the cut of your jaw was strong and masculine yet soft and feminine. you were the most beautiful creature I had […]
I guess you can say I know what I want now. Lately I have been trying to be the social guy that gets invited alot and talks to alot of people. I wanted to make myself think that that was the way I can change for “better.” But in reality thats not me. I am the guy that is really quiet in class and when I go home, I go straight to my only friend. My computer. Thats all I want now. All I want is to be the quiet guy that no one talks to, the one who goes home and find his only […]
Been a while since i’ve been on, and boy does it feel nice to be here again.
Things have changed so quickly, it’s all hard to deal with some times. There’s too much going on right now. If anyone could give me advice i’d be greatful.
Now I live with my mom and siblings, stepdad is finally out of the picture (yay!) but as great as that is, it means the moneys out of the picture too. My mom has been unemployed since we moved here and hasn’t thought about about finding another job. We’re barely scraping by and everytime I bring it up to my mom […]
So today sucked.
It started off with me telling my mom that I had a girlfriend and her going on this long ass rant that basically amounted to her not being okay to it and when I asked she flat out told me she wasn’t. Then it was an awkward car ride and an awkward day at the barn where I felt unwanted. Then when I came home I kinda just kept to myself until my lovely sister comes home and freaks out on my because the bathroom was a mess when all that was left out was the dog shampoo and their towel and brushes […]
I really want to go back in Japan, I want to feel my mom’s love right now, I feel so alone even though they’re right here besides me, I know they care but I guess the care that I’m looking for is not here, and sometimes I feel like I don’t belong here…….
here in this house……
I feel like a stranger who went missing in some place I don’t know and stayed here because I don’t know how to go back home.
i wish someone could relate
Attention. Attention is my best friend. It always has been. At the age of 6 till the age I left primairy school I would trip myself up on purpose, getting massive cuts all over myself. Just so I could get attention. Just so I could feel sympathy from others. So that people would care. From the age of 13 till now I would go on online chat rooms, I would video chat with strange men I didn’t know. Video chat with them and do whatever they told me to. I would get undressed in front of strange men online at the age of 13. From […]
Does anyone else just feel like running? Running away from home or from life. I thought I was getting better, but I was wrong, last night I had thousands of very familiar thoughts – stabbing, overdosing, jumping….thoughts that I thought were all in my past. I thought of it kind of differently this time though. I would be missed by my family sure, but then I thought that maybe they would be better off without me. That their lives would be so much easier without me. I make too much trouble here, I fight with my mother all the time, which then affects everyone else, […]
Why am I still here? All I do is fuck everything up. I’m a home wrecking whore who should just die. I fucking hate myself and I hate living. I want to die.
I am writing this, mainly to get things out. I have nobody to talk to, and I want to explain my situation before I go.
When I was in primary school, life was okay, how can’t it be when your so young? I was very intelligent, a good kid, never really got into any trouble, and had some friends. When I was 10, I lost my father to a heart attack. This hugely affected my family, which already wasn’t a big family. Each day just walking around the house, I would randomly find my mum crying.
As I was so young, I managed to get past this, […]