I’ve been cooped up at home for almost a month now. Tomorrow I am required to leave my lumpy pillow behind and dress up. What is this “outside” that many speak of? I only love that which I know, that which is familiar and comfortable. Why would I venture anywhere else? I have forgotten what that awful word represents, and confess that I have no desire to remember. T_T
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…after a week of not seeing her turns into both of us crying in a bar while she tells me that she can’t promise me to be that person who builds a life with me, and that i deserve to be in a relationship where i’m a priority but that she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I come home and get on some dating pas to cruise since we’re poly anyway and there’s nothing better than drowning your sorrow in another person and this boy tells me “i can’t date someone who is basically taken.” Now i know I wouldn’t want to […]
I know that one day, you will leave me. I dream of you every night. I used to have normal dreams, but now they turned into the most morbid dreams that you could ever imagine. Why won’t this leave me alone? Why cant this leave me alone. I wake up not knowing what to think. What to think of you. What to think of “my life”. “Our life”. Our poor kids. That’s the only thing that keeps me holding on. That and the fact that I’m to ***** to do it. My whole Family hates me. Cast me off. No friends left, no home left. I […]
My dog was misbehaving a bit today, not the first time and I thought I’d just talk to her so she knows she can’t do what she did. Instead I slapped her in the head so hard that even I could not believe it. Instantly I knew I should not have done that and I regret it very much, but it was as if I was not there, it was someone else hitting her. I feel that dog would be happier some place else, so I will try looking for new home for her and after that I can die. I hope I will, because […]
hanging is supposed to be a sure fire method, I was putting all the pressure on my carotid and jugular veins, and nothing. sat like that for a half hour and nothing. nobody cares about me in real life. my family only speaks to me if I speak to them first. the one I love, who is truly the only person that’s Ever made me happy, won’t come home and let me help him. I wish I had someone who cared about me half as much as I care about him. but no, he ‘belongs’ in Kentucky, where he ‘doesn’t fit in’ and we both […]
the past few years have been shitty for me. my best friend committed suicide july 30 2013 with a shotgun to the head in his bedroom. i was with him the night before and i feel that i couldve done something. as time passes i feel more and more compelled to do it myself. my life is a waste, i cant get further ahead in my career because the college education i have isnt enough which is the result of the economy and unfortunately i cannot make more than minimum wage. thats just the way it is. no one can get benefits anymore, and i […]
Im sad and angry. Very much of both.
I toy with the idea of taking the life of some motherfucking douchbag that doesn’t deserve the life they were born into. But I cannot do it.
It angers me that someone so pure at heart can get the shaft and be born to a broken home and ya ya blah blah blah boo hoo etc, yet some fucking foul piece of shit can have it all; loving family, high metabolism, a perfectly not undersized manhood, opportunity.
God is cruel.
Hello stranger,
I do hope you’ll forgive yet another pointless eyesore distracting from your conversations. That’s all I expect most of you to read anyway, so feel free to disregard the rest of this rant.
The few times I manage to click on Publish instead of Move to Trash I question what good it did. How can I expect a perfect stranger to give two shits about what I have to say when the people I’ve know for years don’t? The truth is that I don’t. I don’t know why I continue to try.
I’ve lurked in the shadows long enough to know that there are a few […]
I lived my life as a child who had big dreams. I wanted to be a teacher or a doctor because that’s what kids my age wanted to be at the time. Life outside was great,but coming home was never any fun. There were times when I enjoyed being home. Other times I wish I had a place to run to. Four years go by and every single day of those years were awful. What still brings me tears is when on July 5th I told myself “This was beautiful day”. From then till now I haven’t had a beautiful day. I became a druggie […]
I left my husband for love. We had been together almost a decade and he provided me a nice home and new cars, anything I needed and worked hard to do so. We had a two year old son when I left for another man. This man was charming and loving, came home every night and seemed to put me first. I guess I deserve the nightmare of marriage we’ve had for the last 5 years. He’s left me three times, twice at Christmas for two weeks and another time for two months because he was arrested for hitting me. He broke the no contact […]
the other night I was going to hang myself but he called me… he doesn’t have his phone anymore so he had steal his dad’s for a few minutes I want him to come home i haven’t heard from him since now I just want to die again:'(
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. tawneesmommy@gmail.com for full story. I’ve been in process of typing all I’ve been through in life but it’s taking me a long time….:(I am so alone
me and Ryan kinda jumped into things very fast. He moved in with me after two weeks, but we were happy as can be. I was always weary that he was lying to me, because that’s just what I’ve always been used to. But everything he said always added up. He was extremely supportive of everything, including my mental illnesses. we were in everything together. Ryan comes from a very rough child hood. Him & his siblings were taken away from his parents when I believe he was three. He found his mom when he was 18, and moved in with her. I actually met […]
So while I know this post will be long and I’m not sure worth anyone’s time I’m warning in advance it may not be worth reading… I just decided I’ll tell everything even if it may all be stupid..
Ill start from the beginning. I’m 23.
Growing up my parents always argued between the yelling and hitting I always somehow found myself with headphones under my bed. At 10 the called it quits my mom had had enough. The day my father left is still pretty upsetting because I remember just how much he cried. Finally thing were getting better. So I thought… About 8 months down […]
I’ve wanted to kill myself for the past 3 years. I attempted it twice but failed both times, the first time with pills and the second with a razor to my wrist. On the rare occasions where I feel happy, I get home and cut myself. It’s the worst feeling ever. Someone should put me into a coma, I want to sleep forever.
I’ve been in therapy for a while, meds, doctors, everything for nearly a year now.
sometimes it’s easier, i don’t have the constant rush of suicidal thoughts and images, i know what my triggers are and how to stay away.
and i have friends and family that love and support me. good job. own place. own car. pretty decent life, on the outside.
they don’t know that this dark hole of suck is still eating at me inside. lately it’s been particularly bad, which is how i found this site. I’m tired, and even surrounded by people, extremely lonely. i feel hideously ugly and worthless, there are days […]
You label me as high functioning. Apparently that is my anchor. The fact I can go to work and attend university. That I present a facade of normality that rivals that of any you have ever seen. I assume, in the way it is delivered, that it is meant to be a compliment. That it manifests in some super human strength to carry on living while I am already dead. The reality is much less glamorous. I spend my work days pretending to bother myself with their petty and inconsequential issues, generally a result of their own stupidity. Then I go to school, and expend […]
We all have those moments where we just want to die. This was a feeling that I had that was stronger than ever. Since I was a little girl, I was fat and I have been called fat. I’m not gonna lie…it hurt badly. It made me feel terrible. Those beautiful girls out there were skinny, so where does that leave me? I cried and cried myself to sleep sometimes because I was ugly and fat. As I got older, it was worst. You were judged all the time, whether if it was how pretty you were, what was your weight, or the clothes you […]
it all started when i was ten.. my relationship with my parents was horrible, i started rebelling, cutting myself for the pain i felt, nobody loved me back then, my mom emotionally abused me 24*7, every moment at home felt like forever, it was hard.my dad was so controlling, he would scare me with his voice, and behaviour, he took away my phone, my stuffs, called me a dirty hoe. my mom and dad would fight, and scream, and she would threaten him that she will leave the house,or they will get separated. my mom also threw plates at me many times. we lived in […]
Life at home is Sad. My mom is losing it and all I can do is watch. She’s always had health problems but I didn’t notice the mental ones till I got older. Very forgetful, indecisive, and prone to fits of mental break downs. She has a good heart. But she doesn’t have the strength or funds to raise my baby bro. I’m afraid of his future.
I made the choice to join the Corps to better my life, maybe “die for my country” while I’m at it. I made it through training and felt on top of the world. I thought the way my mom […]
So I’m 19…and supposedly a girl who has the world going for me. I’m “pretty” and smart and everyone loves me.
So they tell me. When I was 11, my mom abandoned me to a city who devoured me like the storm devours ships. I was gangraped nightly, used, abused, beaten…..starved, and tied to a bed for days at a time.
I’ve suffered losing everyone close to me, either being left or God takes them from me.
I found a guy that loved me for everything I was….and man I feel hard. And I was doing okay….until May 2nd, 2014 when I lost my daughter, Dylan Michelle…at 6:30 […]