My first time cutting since March.I just feel like the weight of the world Is on my shoulders.I can’t think straight.I feel like I’m loosing my mind.I feel guilty.I got off way to easy.I just wanna go home.
I feel I don’t exist and don’t have anyone to talk or to relate to. I feel invisible to the world. The only time people do notice me, is when out in public and I’m going thru my anxiety attacks. Yeah.. they notice alright. They either laugh, call me crazy, or walk away from me if they near by. It’s so embarrassing! I don’t know what brings them on, that’s why I try to stay self medicated when I go out. I’ve tried medicine for all of my disorders or illnesses, including the Anxiety, but they either make me feel worse or I can’t function […]
I cant stop obsessing on my last job. The boss treated me like shit and it really damaged my confidence. It was a camp job 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. I stayed for 2 turnarounds. And both were utter hell. I’ve been dealing with depression for years now and whatever happend when i went to this job this guy just triggered every insecurity i had in me. I shut down and ended up quitting and stayed in bed at home for like a week . My girl doesn’t know how to deal with me. I feel so broken and ashamed i could let this […]
So I’ve suspected what was coming for a few weeks and had plenty of time to contemplate what would happen. My love finally told me last night she wasn’t coming home to me and that she needed a divorce. Unfortunately she’s halfway around the world “defending our country” and I’m left home keeping her house ready for her for the next couple months. Of course when she gets back I’ll need to leave my life behind. My family, house, sanity becomes hers. She’s not angry and has been talking to me about getting help but it doesn’t help. I’m currently in therapy and on meds […]
Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.
Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long […]
Hello, before I begin I’d like to say thank you for taking your time reading this. It’s a long story and I’m afraid that there will be more negative elements than good but I’m working on that. I’ve come here for a last attempt for finding hope, as I have lost mine. Maybe writing my story there will be someone out there who really understands. But I must warn you, this is a cautionary tale so please keep an open mind. I really need some help with being completely overwhelmed. What would you do? Â
Where do you begin when you decide writing your life […]
i call this dark place home. i am stuck living with my crazy family. but i will get out of here one way or another. help me if possible.
Tonight I found myself driving my brother home because my uncle had made a statement implying that we’re both wasters living off the state. My brother was seething with anger and rejected the notion but for me it’s put things into perspective. All my life I’ve made excuses for myself and thought that I should be judged less harshly because I have a learning disability and suffer from anxiety and depression. I thought my family should love me no matter what. But now I realise the world doesn’t give a fuck about my problems, my weaknesses, or the bad cards it’s dealt. Â I can’t afford […]
It makes me sad to think more than a year ago I wrote my suicide note. I’ve been looking through my old diaries and posts and realised something,i’ve never really been happy in life. Even my diaries from my childhood I was writing about how sad I was. This past year has taught me a lot about myself and the world. I guess I never really had a chance in llife to start with. I grew up with a mother who constantly lies,use to be in a mental home and is horrible. MY dad is the only person I can rely on for the truth,but […]
My anxious is peeking and for the stupidest of reasons. I just want to go home, get in bed and sleep the next week away. There is a pretty high probability I am going to run into an ex next week. Ideally, I don’t want to run into her, nor have her know I’m in the building, but life likes to throw these tests at us.
Even though I am going to do everything in my power to avoid meeting face to face, I just can’t stop planning out how such a potential interaction will go. Why do I keep planning and analyzing a future situation […]
Why am I still here at all? I’m a fucking failure at everything to do with life – including ending it. I could have jumped that not-so-fair day in May. I could be at peace, or whatever it is that happens after death, sleeping in a pine box 6 feet underground. I could have left all this shit behind me. . . so why am I still here?
To die, or not to die. To live, or not to live – those are the questions. I thought for a while I had escaped the dim cloud of gloom that hovers over me, but it has again […]
Im an 18 year old male college student, and I’m home for the summer but have no friends and nobody to talk to, just myself and my thoughts… I can’t take it anymore. I almost failed out of college last semester because I slept through half my classes and stopped doing my work. There’s a lot of cool people I’ve met at college but I’ve slowly been distancing myself from them because of what I’m going to do. In 2 weeks I start work for a month and the tuesday after I finish work, I’m buying a gun and taking a bus somewhere way out […]
Before I begin, I just want to tell the moderator that I won’t be making posts which go against the posting rules. Tomorrow morning, I will be making another attempt to hang myself. I was going to do it today but I realised that someone might come home early. This would not have been good for me. I am hoping that I will not be stopped by my fear of the pain. That was what stopped me in my first attempt. Admittedly, I felt quite disheartened by my paralyzing fear and I did not try again for several days afterwards. However, I realise now that […]
I’m just tired o being the fuck up of my family. I’m 19 and I go to community college and work part time and am not allowed to move out. Meanwhile my 2 sisters both got in to Ivy League schools (one is attending Harvard grad school in the fall) and they haven’t worked a day in there lives and get a monthly allowance. I’m family ignores me and everyone moved away. I live with my grandparents and we have nothing in common my grandma is 80 an my grandad has dementia. Tonight was just the final straw we went out to dinner and he […]
Why don’t people want me to just end it. They call me selfish (and there right) or cry, when I think suicidally, or act on those thoughts, but why am I wanted hear on the first place I make all of there lives harder, all I do is hold people back, according to my beliefs, after death there is less than nothing your dead, there is no mire contious you, no heaven, no hell, just gone. And, that seems like an escape to me, everyone always says death is painfull, and I’m shure it is, when I almoast diced from ODing on PAIN MEDS of […]
 I watched both of the Kill Bill movies today (for the 14th time). Pai Mei is my favorite character from the series. I wonder if I could train under someone like him. How does one even go about finding an authentic Pai Mei? Would I need to infiltrate an international assassin network first?
This actor is named Gordon Liu. He was also the leader of the Crazy 88’s – (the pack of swordsmen who try to kill Beatrix Kiddo at O-ren Ishii’s compound). Mr. Liu suffered a stroke in 2011 which left him partially paralyzed on his right side, and he’s got […]
Im not a perfect person ,
Awkwardly so much of my advice i wish i could listen too . Ironic rite huh .
I have what most people want .
Friends , Family , Popularity , A Boyfriend Who loves Me ,
But yet no happiness
I was raped last year by a guy i thought who loved me
Meanwhile i went home to my brother who beat me ,
This illusion that i put is so dumb
No one knows the real inside pain i suffer
Or how i really feel inside
I have bipolar disorder ,
The meds make me tired , but i can never sleep
I […]
So, only 2 tablets for depression and the rest for other things, but they aren’t even making a difference…the doctor says ‘no amount of dosage is going to make this go away so you need to figure out what it is that’s really bothering you’ um, I know full well what bothers me but most of the things that do are beyond my control and I cannot change them. I just don’t belong here you know?
I have online therapy because that was the quickest form of help they could give me…I have been feeling so anxious this week:( I’m not even really sure why, I […]
Remember when you were a kid and you did something you knew was going to earn you a trip to the woodshed? A lot of us kids when I was growing up had a place the old man would drag us to give us the “board” that was far enough out of the way that the whacks and screams wouldn’t make it back to your mother’s ears. That way the old man wouldn’t have to deal with her bitching about being to hard on you or risk getting the “It so upsets me when you do that” speech from her. It’s that feeling of impending […]
September 26, 2013
Imagine going home every day feeling terrible about yourself because a boy thought it’d be
funny to start an inappropriate rumor about you. How would you feel if every day you hid up in your
room crying because the girls at school whispered that you were fat, ugly, and worthless? What if you
were so anxious about the outfit you were wearing that took two hours to pick out that you plead sick
and stay home because you don’t want to be laughed at today like you were the day before? Eventually,
you find yourself left with seemingly only one option, it didn’t […]