I feel I don’t exist and don’t have anyone to talk or to relate to. I feel invisible to the world. The only time people do notice me, is when out in public and I’m going thru my anxiety attacks. Yeah.. they notice alright. They either laugh, call me crazy, or walk away from me if they near by. It’s so embarrassing! I don’t know what brings them on, that’s why I try to stay self medicated when I go out. I’ve tried medicine for all of my disorders or illnesses, including the Anxiety, but they either make me feel worse or I can’t function on them. That’s why I self medicate. Plus the my attacks cause alot of physical pain, even the depression does the same. What’s wrong with me? I can’t sleep at nite and my racing thoughts just seem to get the best of me. Mostly they are suicidal and homicidal thoughts. I was just in the hospital yesterday and that was a disaster! I know what I’m doing is not benefiting me at all, the self medicating, but what else do I suppose to do? I see a in home counseler, I have a psychiatric, and a casemanager. I just can’t find any hope and no one to relate to all
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4 comments
So you don’t know what makes you anxious?
What makes you calm?
Most of the time I don’t know. And far as what keeps me calm is drinking. It helps the anxiety, but than it makes the depression worser. THAN, sometimes I can feel myself becoming anxious and can manage it without the help of self medication. I know is sounds complicate, but this is what I go thru everyday, along with other issues. Thank u for your response!
Hi beyond, anxiety is tough, i know. Try to ignore the ignorance of others.
Depression, i have heard it said, is focusing on the past, and anxiety it worrying about the future
i kicked the self medication and things got a lot worse but, medication is just fixing the symptom and not the root cause, so you create a dependency, but when I did *medicate* i found that Cannabis Sativa (more fruity smelling) was good for during the day time, and Cannabis Indica ( more pungent smelling) was good just before I went to sleep.
i can’t drink though makes me to self-destructive.
if and when you stop, your short term memory will restart and you will be able to make connection between your emotions, pain, thoughts, feeling, situation, and the past, your anxiety and/or depression will certainly get worse, but it is necessary to understand what is going on in your head. the longer you stay medicated the more build up of negative thoughts go unprocessed. Although everybody reacts differently to stimulants and suppressants.
As for the way you react when you get anxious, do you know if it is a coping mechanism. where is the pain located?
That may give an indication about what is causing your anxiety. Like pain in your throat could be a fear that you won’t be able to vocalize your worries, pain in you chest could be a feeling of lack of power, stomach could be a feeling of losing the necessities in life.
When my friend gets anxious he hums the American anthem really loud and bounces his legs, every body has a coping mechanism, to help them focus on anything but the anxiety.
Any hobbies that keep you distracted?