I have set a new termination date, and I plan to depart next week. Hopefully this time I do not screw up and end up still alive. I feel trapped, and that I have to make this decision. Although I have been depressed and suicidal for the past seven years, I feel as though my feelings have catalyzed within the past few weeks. I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Sick and tired of being a stupid, worthless,and hated burden on those that are around me. I am nothing more than a failure. I don’t […]
…and the people who frequent it, the drifters, the lurkers, the class-clowns, the drama queens, and everyone in-between. I may not post much, but I read, or at least skim over, most of the posts here. Why do I find what depressed and suicidal people have to say so fascinating? Ugh, idk man. Probably because I’m crazy too. Whatever the case may be, SP has been a weird sort of bastion for me, so I thought I’d throw this out there.
Here’s to Shep, the Kiwi of many names, inspiring many a pondering and many a laugh with thought-provoking posts and witty comments alike. Introduced […]
I’m hopefully going to end it tonight. I’ve felt unhappy and alone for many years and while I’ve coped for as long as I have its gradually gotten worse and I just can’t deal with it anymore. My only regret is the pain I’ll cause my family and the few friends I have by doing this, I don’t expect them to respect my decision some of them will even think I’m selfish and a coward but if refusing to continue to live in misery to keep them happy is selfish then so be it.
So I turn 18 tomorrow. And I promised myself that I wouldn’t turn 18 like this. I told myself that the fucked-up version of me would not live to see 18. Yet here I am, about to turn 18 the same depressed, lonely, self-destructive wreck that I’ve always been.
How could I have been so stupid to think that everything was going to change by just wishing? I would do anything to feel happiness. To feel love. To feel anything but this pain. But I feel like I physically can’t do anything about it.
I wish I had a gun. My life is such a mess that I can’t […]
In everybody’s life there are ups and downs, but it seems like in my life there are ups and downs and downs and some more downs. And that goes for each and every day. I can’t stand it. This thing is driving me crazy. Correction – driving me to the edge of fucking putting a bullet through my freaking skull, because crazy I already am.
I’m on the verge of knocking myself out, hopefully with enough pills this time.
There is a part of me that do wants to live, to experience whatever may, but that part is very small. The other part, the dominent part, say […]
I’ve always wanted to fall un conscience hopefully my body will just get too weak
I feel like my heart has just been stomped on, how could you tell someone you want to fix everything. It makes absoultely no sense to me how you could tell someone you still love them but you go off with their old best friends? It’s like you never even loved me as you said you did. Like why did i even have to care for you? Maybe i wasn’t meant to be loved by someone. I have this thing of giving people to many chances & I’ve now realized it, maybe it’s because I want to see the good in that person. Yet they […]
First post here, or in public at all about how I’m really feeling…
I’ve been depressed and suicidal for years. Been on lots of different meds, admitted and discharged a few times with no improvements, and a few failed suicide attempts too. I’m at a point where I’m seriously looking for something effective, but hopefully not leave a gruesome scene – I don’t want family to find my body hanging when getting home from work or for some poor sod having to pick up pieces of me quickly to keep busy commuters happy…
Man I hope I get better n if I need surgery to for my spine n the pain will stop hopefully stupid muscle spasms it hate myself it’s very difficult for me not to worry about the future of my well being it scares me cause I want to get better so badly I’m hurting constantly every day it’s something else on me one day it’s my neck another could be my shoulders or any other part of me that feels wrong n out of place I can’t sleep at times n when I do I don’t want to get up because of how pain […]
I was watching a video I made when I was 12 years old. I had similar feelings to the ones I feels now; “if my friend doesn’t want to make time to come to visit me and i’m doing all the work in visiting them, they’re aren’t my friend”
It kinda shocked me because I didn’t realized how deep and how far back these feelings go. Who knew.
Anyway, I moved to a new place recently, and though it lightens the load, I still feel heavy. Hopefully the excitement of change will distract me for a good time before I spiral again.
You are right foster care sucks and I was told that by a social worker when I considered giving up my son a couple years ago before an attempt at suicide. I just want you to be safe first and foremost. Many people grow up in extreme poverty and in homes that are very abusive. Those that survive are said to be resilient. We need to make you resilient, strong and hopefully happy. You can be and I know it. This may or may not work for you but when I get ultra depressed I watch documentaries about others lives especially those that suffered greatly […]
I have been unable to get out of my house for three months now, lethargic and just very miserable, but today was different, finally. Ive just upped my medication and i feel so much more energetic i have walked outside in the sun all day long and i dont feel like a fat fuck for once. Im determined to drop all the weight ive put on these last months… hopefully this day is going to be the first of many good ones…little panda drawing i did to up yalls mood…lets stay positive for once!
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I hate school, its one of the worst places. The people in my high school are idiots, they’re oblivious. Then again I’m too afraid to talk to others. I don’t mind learning but when I have to sit in rooms with people around me that don’t even see passed to door of the classroom, with lives so shallow my foot wouldn’t even be covered if I stepped in. It disgusts me, I find learning very easy, which is unfortunate because it just gives me more time to sit and think as if I don’t do it enough at home. I feel like a shell and […]
Why do my days get worse and worse I never have anything good in my life ever and I never will. Any time I find something or someone that makes me happy it gets takin away from me. Why live my life everyday miserable and never actually live my life. Iv been alive for 22 years now but I never lived one day yet…. Why would I keep dealing with this? I have no one and nothing to live for. I’m meant to kill myself, I’m just too scared to like a coward I wish I can have the strength to just kill myself and […]
So I am new here, I’ve read some of your stories and from what I’ve read you all seem like such strong, kind, loving caring people.
I know people have this attitude towards suicide and the word strong does not come up very often.
However yes you are strong!
You have made it this far and I hope with all my heart something will come to you to help you through your dark times and help you towards a light (not particularly a religious one, but something that will give you hope to carry on).
I guess my story is a survival story, I am […]
I always find that talking helps so much, to anyone. So i guess i just wanted to say if anyone wants to talk at all about anything at all comment and we will find a way to talk. I can’t say i will give you advice, or even promise that talking to me will help, but i wont judge or give hate and hopefully we can help each other. Let me know.
I just started this thing tonight. I needed a place away from everyone else. A place I could hopefully make someone understand but at the same time I hope no one does ya know? People shouldn’t have to understand what this feeling is. It nags at me constantly. Maybe I’m different from everyone else on here and maybe not. I dunno. Don’t care either. I wanted to kill myself when I was 30. That was a year ago but my roommate’s dad died a week before and with my horrible sense of obligation I tried to stay and help. But now? Now I’m feeling that […]
where may I go to go transform. into the golden metallical.
what nebulous smite can our hell bring.
how do we escape at the level zero. but then it’s just me.
karma here does not exist in my land. battalion of true hell.
or go fuck yourselves.
there is only one path. I understand.
I am, that I am. i have no heart. cut.
see with your eye, my hell.
the dragon. the boar. the dog. the monkey.
all dead.
i must escape ground zero.
take me. direct me. then leave me.
guiding star. that could be a plan.
then hopefully maybe if, in our other saging […]
Hi guys, I haven’t written anything on here for a long time, mainly because there was some idiot ruining it but hopefully he’s gone now.
Does anybody else on here have the fear of being happy?  Like when something good happens, all I can think is “Where is this gonna go wrong?  Something bad is going to happen” all the time!  Nothing good can just happen without something going wrong.  Recently I’ve had a lot to be happy about.  Things like passing my college course, getting a new dog, my football is going extremely well and it looks like I have a girl in my life for […]
My daughter’s last day of camp is August 10. If I leave August 8 and send a delayed e-mail to her father, that gives him a day to clean up the mess (and hopefully feed the cats). He’ll have to pick her up, obviously.