Being off meds for a full year.
Still having a sense of humor.
Learning how to tell myself its ok.
Being in a family that puts up with my shit.
I just called my insurance company… but I had a strange connection with the operator that answered. He made me feel a million times better. We were laughing and joking for like 10 minutes and he was actually a bit unprofessional and he kept saying how unprofessional he was being. It was cute. It was nice. Is it weird that I almost wanted to tell him to call me? Is it desperate? Have I reached that point where I’m desperate? lol. I’m not going to be modest, it’s not as if I can’t find a man if I want it, but it’s hard to find someone with my […]
I remember a couple days ago I kind of picked at him alittle bit on his 100 reasons to stay alive post. I guess it was a mixture of frustration and my offbeat sense of humor. Darvin your a good guy. We all got different perspectives on life and I’m sorry if I offended anyone. There’s not one person on here that I dislike.
I was thinking surely there’s got to be a train tracker that isn’t just local transit. Something that tracks all trains, frieght, passenger and local transit, shows you where they’re at, and schedule of next trains due to pass your location. If there isn’t, who’s a stronger coder that wants to build it with me? We could at least leave a legacy. We could call it Splatr. Rotflmao!
That’s basically all I am. I am a joke of Fate, a fly trapped in the web she never stops weaving, a plaything that she uses to occasionally humor herself. And it really sucks.
It’s ironic, actually, because I always tell others to be who they are, an individual, and never give up hope. But I guess I let that last chance out of Pandora’s jar a long time ago, because I don’t think I’ll ever amount to anything.
On the chance you may read this…
Your absence is noticed. You are missed. SP needs your wise words, your sense of humor, your kindness. And to host the Saturday night party. They were fun and simply wouldn’t be the same without you hosting it!
Know you are being thought of.
Three years ago this summer I lost my father. He managed to make it to my graduation and my first summer semester in college. However, towards the end of that summer my father decided to take his own life. To be a victim of SUICIDE.
During that summer, I lost three of my best friends. Not cause of death, no. But because we split up and went to different universities around the state. We do still talk to each other from time to time, its just hard to find another group of people that you share some of the same interests in, the same personalities, and […]
I am so freaking awesome Is what I tell my self when I wake up….
I go Througth my day repeating this phrase eating on every word
And it helps
Till you’re eyes become filled with tear
Then you say ,about five times, fuck being depressed I am fucking awesome.
It helps for an hour or two
Then the words become meanaless
Then you add some humor
And repeat the words I am so freaking awesome
I bet no tears will comeback that day
Your fucks in life will not be giving ^^
Repeat daily …it will help for a while
I want to die, but I don’t want to want that.
What I want is friends and a purpose.
I’m always surrounded by people, and yet so profoundly alone.
And the friends that remain think I am unpleasant in my depressed, manic state,
so I humor them with smiles.
Empty, empty smiles.
I just want a connection.
I don’t want to be disposable.
I hate everything about myself,
but mostly I hate that I think that way.
I think I’m broken.
My life is a big piece of wrongful humor.
I wish I could dig my regrets deep down, break my sorrows, and let go of my sins.
Who’s that uncredited monster that dwells behind the scenes of my life? I will find you and kill you.
There is no such thing as routine. There is regular disorder.
Everything is possible… Until a choice has been made.
It won’t be what can’t be.
Forgive the truth for its cruelty.
Are you frightened? I’ve got a cup of pleasure for you.
Things, which make you cry, should reverse.
They are laughing, again. May they choke on their laugh.
Destroy all, destroy all or nothing.
Lately I have found myself predicting the outcome of every event.  If the outcome is unfavorable then I simply do not want to be a part of it. For instance, if I meet someone, and I know that they will think negatively about me in some light I do not want to get involved with them what so ever.  I feel like my biggest problem is that I know I will eventually become discouraged about every relationship I have, and because of this I am extremely apprehensive about hanging out with people.
What is most troubling about this is I know people are unpredictable. Â Therefore I know […]
Since i was young all i wanted was someone to ‘get me’. Â It sounds so cliche but no one really understood my humor, my thoughts, feelings and reactions so i soon learnt how to hide them. Because it began to be draining, having to fight for every word you say. Trying to back up every opinion you gave. It was much easier to act like i had nothing to say. To be like everyone else.
Then i met him, I couldn’t be fake to him, i tried so hard. But i just couldn’t. For the first time since i was very young, i was acting like […]
I hate being one, and I’m sure you do too. But you know, sometimes it can’t be helped.
I see people struggling to get through life, and I try to help them. I tell them it will get better. I try to give them hope.
But you know, I don’t feel that way. I refuse for people to get close to me because I’m a worthless *****. I’ve given up hope. I don’t think it will ever get better.
Of course, being the hypocrite I am, I will say that all I want to do is die, but I don’t want you to because […]
I thought my meds were working, It has only been a week and they seemed great. But Ive started getting the thoughts back, especially in my dreams. The anti depressant cant control my dreams which is so frustrating. My best friend who has been there through everything with me, seems to find it funny im so depressed and that now shes just being a ***** and putting me second and the guys that use her for photos first. That hurts a lot,..I just into an fight with her ..,my other best friend…well shes constantly spending time with this guy. Its just so easy […]
I’m a long term suicide survivor. I know how hard it is and how it feels to want to die. So I’ve written a novel about a girl who goes down that path and ends up in a hospital, like I did, and actually gets help. When I present it at writer’s groups, they don’t understand why the girl wants to die just because the love of her life dumped her. Geez. These people must have robot “stable emotions,” like saw dust instead of guts. It’s never just one thing but sometimes it takes just one more thing to push a person over that edge.
The […]
Here I am trying to catch up on last minute details.
I had a fun time writing my own obituary and even put some humor in it. I am going to leave it in my home taped to my refrigerator along with my handwritten, live and dead wills. I understand that if you just type it out and sign it, the document can be contested. The same goes for DNR orders and suicide notes. You can write a short version of the note by hand for the police department, photocopy it and put them in separate envelopes. You can then type up a long version where […]
1. A man lived by the sewer
And by the sewer he died,
And at the coroners inquest
They called it Sewer-side
2. Captain John Suez was a famous soldier in Afghanistan. He was an expert shot, a great leader and fantastic motivator of his men. He was so famous that he was recognized by the locals and the enemy alike.
One day, Suez had 2 Taliban snippers pinned down behind a wall. One of them said, “Lets make a run a run for it.†The other shook his head and said,†No way! That’s Suez.Hide.â€
3. Joey and Mary lived in a little old […]