Last night we had a fight. I haven’t spoken to you since you told me you liked me and since I told you about my cutting and eating disorder. And then we stopped talking. Why? It can’t be answered with any fairness because you decided to stop texting anyone to see who would answer. Did i text? No. Why? Because how am i supposed to talk to you after I’ve just opened up to you and after you just confessed your feelings for me. Awkward? Hell yes. It was so awkward to talk to you because YOU made it awkward but now when we fought […]
Tag:
hurting
I know the difference between what is wrong and what is right. I know what I probably should do and what I choose to still do. I am AFRAID absolutely terrified because there is no real hope this time around. Why can’t anyone hear me or even see that I’m just scared?! I know the mistakes I’m making I know how my current decisions are hurting me. But i’m scared to be happy i’m scared to enjoy life, so scared that I’d rather just die now to avoid it. I don’t want to have a friend that I connect with and have the most awesome […]
.. But I want to get this off my chest. I need to.
I came across this website an hour ago, I figured I could possibly post my thoughts here, because it’s just a forum right? No quick replies, no need to put up a front; because I’m fake. I want to be real, I want people to know the truth about me. All my life I put up a front. I act like an apathetic asshole.. But that’s not who I am and it’s just this bad habit. It’s this wall I have, because I’m afraid. Every time I tear down this wall I get […]
I don’t know if anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have. My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be. It over-analyzes things. It makes mountains out of molehills. When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day, I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course. My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]
I know your heart is hurting
You think the road has end
You may just feel that blade your holding
Is your only friend
But baby don’t cut
Baby don’t cut
You can do anything
Just promise baby you won’t cut
I’ve been extremely tired all day. All i’ve wanted to do is sleep. Sleep and not wake up. Just dream the night away. If it happens to be a nightmare…it’s okay because i’ve master lucid dreams. But it’s 1:25AM and I’m wide awake. The part before drifting away to the dream state is the hardest for me. It’s when all these thoughts come to my mind. All these people that have hurt me. All the words I’ve been told. All this negativity I seem to reminisce about. I want it all to go away! I hate hurting because of all the BS i’ve caused myself. […]
I always end up in a depressed state, eating disorder state, anxiety state and so on. Every time I’m in these states, I always end up convincing myself that I’m okay and by acting so fake and by acting like I’m okay, I begin to believe I am, even though I’m still sick.  And when I realize that I’m not okay, I end up back in these states. The truth is, although depression, self harm, bulimia and so on are killing me inside and hurting me, I actually love being depressed, self harming and having an eating disorder, but I end up loving these sicknesses until they […]
I feel like I would hurt more people by leaving but I’m hurting myself by staying
I’m still in love with my ex-girlfriend. We had an incredible relationship up to the point that I lost my son and depression took hold of me, we separated for a few months and got back together just as I lost my mother to a rapid cancer death. Depression took hold of me again and we separated in November last year. I have always been in love with her, throughout our time together and our time apart. I have never entertained the thought of being with anyone else.
We separated both times because I lost the ability to communicate and I had lost myself, the man […]
You know what I hate so much? When people know that a person is suicidal, self harming, or even really just feeling down, and some asshole thinks it’s alright to push it even deeper. When I was in 7th grade, I was suicidal. This girl was talking shit behind my back about how she was only pretending to be my friend. That- ugh! It’s horrible! Even now, I’m dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and anxiety. And I still get that kind of bullshit! My cousin, knows that it irritates me when he hits me. He hits me on my upper arm, which is […]
Back during my Freshman year of high school (I’m now a junior) I was really close friends with this gay guy in my drama class named Josh. He moved away that same year and we had our struggles keeping in touch, but he started collage last year and completely shut me out and stopped talking to me… It really hurt me because I had feelings for him for a while (yes I knew he was gay). We helped each other through things, he knew what it was like to be suicidal and struggle with self harm so we hit it off right away and became […]
So I sit here in a class
no one notices what I do
no one
I sit alone with no one by me
like I like to sit but how I hate to sit.
That empty feeling of being alone will always linger.
No matter what.
Even if I sit with my friend or my girlfriend.
I will feel alone.
It won’t go.
It’s madness that I can’t escape it.
I want to escape it more than anything but I can’t.
I just can’t hurt my girlfriend who is depressed on her own.
Every time I try to go she can’t take it.
I can’t stand hurting her.
I just don’t understand.
She would be better without me right?
I know it.
She’s […]
I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnels’ collapsed, and I don’t have the strength to dig my way through it. tell me it’ll stop hurting one day. tell me there’s even a reason to try. tell me i just need to think more positive when the only way out of this is a sheer cliff coated in barbed wire. and before you try to tell me that it’s not that bad, *yes, it fucking is*. I’m not an idiot. This feeling isn’t new. I have looked at all the options and all the paths ahead of me and […]
Yeah fuck it. I’m done. I guess I tried. Is 8 months a good run?
let me just say I’m done hurting everyone around Me. I’m done being a monster, I’m done living. I’m giving up.
Does anyone get thoughts about not living anymore? Like if there was a way to just disappear with no pain and not hurting anybody you knew,would you do it? I would like to say that i wouldn’t, that i love my family or words don’t hurt me or whatever people who are stronger than me say. But the difference between me and them is that I am a coward. I can’t talk back in fear of being hurt and I would chose to disappear and never come back than to try to fight back. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a painless way out. […]
I’m new on here, and I’ve been struggling since seventh grade really, but I’ve gotten much worse over the past few years. I’m currently a senior in high school. I’ve been to different psychologists, and none of them could help me and I just got really pissed off at them so I quit going. (Also financial reasons) But this year everyone has been just on my back every day about how I’m not trying hard enough and how I am just a failure. But I do try so hard to be the strong link. At school I get made fun of for who I […]
As I cut deeper and deeper, I think about all of the wrong I’ve done. I think of how much we once loved each other and how we have nothing now. You are the only one I ever want to be with. You never stop loving someone. You either never did or you always will. I know I will always love you and I know it will be the death of me. You tell me you love me, but you can’t handle my depression. I always have been and always will be here for you when you need me. You make it sound like you were […]
It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]
ive fucking had it. it’s 9 am. I’m tired as shit. i have more shit to do than i have time to do it. i don’t even fucking have time for a social life. I’m doing everything i possibly fucking can. all i want to do is graduate. at the top of my list. stop making my life so fucking hard and miserable. my skin is the worst it’s ever been and it won’t get better because I’m so fucking stressed. he keeps me talking till fucking late as shit then i have to get up early. i don’t have time for this. he doesn’t […]
im sorry im leaving
but i dont think you understand
i need to leave this planet
i need to leave
why you might ask
because im hurting people
far too many people
no youre not you may reply
but i am maybe not directly
but indirectly i am hurting them
i worry them and make them panic
i make them concerned about me
ive tried lying i really have
but i cannot lie about this
i must go and leave you
i apologize for that
but i have to go
i need to leave this planet
so no one gets hurt by me anymore
so […]