First post I’ve read on this website was titled “Depressed Aquarius”, and I can relate to everything in there. I am an Aquarian too, and they say Aquarians are thinkers, no, overthinkers, but I am not quite sure if that is true for everyone, but for me it is. I had two aquarius ex girlfriends and I don’t think they tend to overthink as much as I do. I have never been diagnosed with depression or any mental health, I’ve never even consulted any medical professionals regarding it, but I have an ex girlfriend who was majoring in psychology in college when we were still […]
Hello friends 🙂
So things have gone up and down repeatedly in the past week. I was contemplating ending my life last Thursday. And I obviously didn’t– I was in a bit of a depressed daze, I guess. But I decided to give my “new life” a go. Recently I put in a shit load of effort and got a really fantastic job in the city, a job a lot of people would kill for. I’ve been so busy with that lately. Seems like things should be great for me. And I guess they are. Only I’m now more seriously suicidal than I’ve ever been. Why? Who […]
I’ve always known I like girls. But I always thought I liked guys too. I’ve had boyfriends but….. I have never had that butterflies, stomach in knots feeling around a guy that some girls talk about. I’ll say I love them but it’s more like a friend kinda love. To me at least. My family is a bible thumping kind of family. My Mum would hate me if I told her my suspicions. I’ve always labeled myself as bisexual. My family doesn’t know that though. Most of the time because of this I think I’ll never be loved. The town I live in is small, […]
Today as usual I woke up with anxiety barely letting me breathe, wanting to cry and going crazy in my head! I’ve been thinking for days now about overdosing but I’m such a stupid coward and I’m so scared of what comes after… I like to think in my head that once I kill myself I’ll go and be happy with my three babies, I’m 20 and yes, I’ve had 3 miscarriages, and I feel like that’s the biggest reason why I feel so depressed all the time, I miss them! I didn’t ever get to feed them, or hear them cry, they never got […]
Watching football this weekend and joking with SP posters about it was a nice distraction to the tormenting in my head. I still can’t think beyond Monday but I did take my meds tonight… I even contacted a few doctors. I don’t fucking know. I stop myself every time I think about the future. I don’t have the energy to fix my life after 3 years of hell… deferring grad school twice. There is no way my brain can recover in time to restart grad school in January.
Thanks guys… I didn’t feel so alone today.
So i didnt cut, but i started. i startd cutting since Thursday the 11th. I made a big cut and deep, but i treated it. Today i have around 20 cuts small but bleedable. On thrursday i also told my mum about the voices ive been hearing in my head telling me to kill myself. She told me that shes going to have to take me to therapy. Im actually happy. First, because ill get help. Honestly i dont want to die, ateast not yet. Second, ill be happy and carefree. Nobody nows about my cuts and the voices in my head only my mum, […]
I can’t sleep. My Grandmother makes it sound so simple. “How can’t you sleep? Turn everything off and lay down!” Gee, thanks Gran, haven’t tried that one before! She means well, though. So I listen to her long enough for her to feel comfortable enough to leave me alone before I resume doing whatever it was I was up to before she entered my room.
I’m a schizophrenic. People avoid me when they find out about it, they think I’m so crazy. They’re usually the people I’d avoid anyway – the people who barely know you but pretend they do based on the rumors they hear […]
Long story short. .I have been engaged for the past 3 years, we had been dating for 5 years, and we have been friends since mid 2000. I suffer from depression and have attempted suicide several times in the past. When my other half and I started dating something changed in me. I could feel it and my family could see it. He was a blessing in disguise. After April of this year I could feel something wasn’t the same my gut said he was […]
I tried to kill myself last month. I had wanted to kill myself for several years now, but it wasn’t until last month that I found the intense suicidal drive to plan an almost certainly lethal attempt. It took around 15 days to go from the decision to getting to a place where I could actually do it. But when I got there, with my handgun and my suicide notes, I just couldn’t do it. I tried so hard to pull the trigger, but I wasn’t psychologically prepared to kill myself. I’d still rather be dead than alive, but I just don’t have the psychological […]
I’m feeling very alone and very scared of how alone I’m feeling right now. I’m switching between meds and I guess the other havent kicked in yet because I’m a wreck. A large source of my depression is a feeling of responsibility for those around me and feelign like no matter how much I do I can’t do enough, do exactly the right thing, be good enough ect. I just broke up with my boyfriend a week ago because I told him I just couldn’t handl the responsibility or pressures of a relationship right now. He was very understanding at the time but is now […]
“Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time, here comes the start of every sleepless night, the first of every tear I’m gonna cry…”
Two months ago you were here.. and two months ago you died. Out of nowhere, and my heart has never felt so much pain. I keep trying to understand and I just don’t.. & I hate that I don’t.. This pain is unbearable. You were my best friend, my very best friend who knew every little thing about me and now you’re gone. We shared a connection no one understood and we loved each other so much. I can’t believe it would’ve […]
I’ve never been the kind of girl that you would look at and know deep down she wants to kill herself. I got straight A’s, was social and love to perform in front of people. I guess I always have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts though. To me it has always been a matter of when I would do it. I guess in the back of my mind I have always known that something was wrong with me when I would have to fake laugh with my friends but at any given moment I could have just stopped and been emotionless or when I […]
So it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. I’ve started cutting again, continued to purge and restrict, and also binge. I’ve been depressed for two years… I might not commit suicide just this second, but soon I will end my life. I’m not sure when I will finally break and not be able to handle it anymore. Nobody notices that I’m not okay.
Nobody notices the sadness in my eyes.
Nobody hears the voices in my head
Nobody notices the vomit in the toilet.
Nobody notices the cuts on my skin.
Nobody notices the stash of laxatives.
Well, that could almost be the story of my life.
But I’ve never been much of a drug addict.
I’ve taken a lot of crap from people and kept my mouth shut.
Now I want to take some shit to shut up the crap in my head (see what I did there?)
The stuff is called N, it comes in powdered form, it was not purchased for this purpose.
I get unbelievably lonely and bored as I don’t have a job or many mates to hang with.
I’m like the 60’s housewife popping pills to get through her day.
I need to man (woman?) up and do stuff with my life, but […]
people always say that if you say you want to kill yourself you never truly will, i keep playing the words over and over in my head like a dare issued by a bully. i wouldn’t say its hope that stops me every time, its just fear. i’m a coward and i will always be. i know without a shadow of doubt that my life has no purpose. i used to belief that my family meant everything to me but ever since my mother become ill i have felt loneliness swallow me whole.
I can’t describe myself in 5 words. I’m too messed up. I seem like I have a good life. I don’t. I project it well. I guess I have had a lot of practice. I want so desperately to live and enjoy every second of life but I can’t. I feel like I’m in so much pain it no longer seems bearable.
Ill go back… I was a bad teenager. I did drugs was wild and had so much fun. I got in with a bad crowd and caused so much heartache for my family. I lived anywhere I could for a few years. I drank […]
I keep dreaming of a different life
I keep hoping to be a better person
I keep praying for a brighter sun
Yet I keep holding this knife
A new start they say
Its your chance to be whatever you want
But every time I try to imagine, my mind taunts me
With these fantastic images of what may be one day
You’ll be a hero, a friend, a savior
You’ll change the world for the better
You’l finally forget her
You’ll finally change your behavior
These pictures in my head
I can see they are lies
And I know that even if I tried
Soon, I’d just […]
scarsI don’t know what to do anymore.. I battle with severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and anger issues.I try my hardest to be what they want me to be.. the perfect daughter. Have the perfect grades, I was working 2 jobs but I just can’t cope any more. I’m lost. Dropped out of school at 15. Quit one job. Have barely any shifts at the other one. I blow up at everyone over everything. I can’t help myself .I cry everynight trying to think of new ways to be perfect… I tried cutting… It just wasn’t my thing so I started burning myself. The pain […]
I’m 16…..I’ve tried to kill myself 6 times this year, each time i tried something has stopped me. after the second time i told a teacher, she then helped me tell my dad, and from there i went to a psychologist, got diagnosed with depression, and got medication….
it hasn’t helped. i still want to die, still feel like crap every single day….i was going to kill myself last night….
But some stupid little voice in my head remindede of my best friend, who has told me that she would miss me if i died -she’s the only one…
i hate living, its so pointless…
sorry for […]
I’m tired of a lot of things… It really doesn’t even make sense to me anymore… I mean, I’m tired of living, I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of breathing, I’m just tired…. And everyday of my life, I think about just being dead… Not even necessarily killing myself… To be honest, I really don’t want to die, yet I don’t want to live… I don’t want to kill myself, but I don’t NOT want to kill myself… Either way…. I’m absolutely exhausted of feeling anything, thinking anything, being anything… The biggest thing I’m tired of…. Is wanting to be dead…..
Despite the fact that I […]