ive fucking had it. it’s 9 am. I’m tired as shit. i have more shit to do than i have time to do it. i don’t even fucking have time for a social life. I’m doing everything i possibly fucking can. all i want to do is graduate. at the top of my list. stop making my life so fucking hard and miserable. my skin is the worst it’s ever been and it won’t get better because I’m so fucking stressed. he keeps me talking till fucking late as shit then i have to get up early. i don’t have time for this. he doesn’t […]
lost track of how many nights I havent slept. I know I’ve gotten less than three hours in the past five days.
I’ve spent the past 35+ years in a depressed state. Something needs to change before it is to late. I’ve contemplated suicide more times then I can count even went as far as planning how and when I would do it. But I couldn’t pull myself to do it because I didn’t want my kids to grow up without a mother. And I didn’t want people think of me as weak and selfish. I hate the image in the mirror. I’m tired of putting on a brave front. I sick of crying myself to sleep. The loneliness is suffocating my soul. How can  I teach […]
okay this got delted so ill write it short and simple bullying. guys making fun of me and saying really mean bullshit. they dont listen to the teacher or me so….. i told them to stfu cause they dont know me or my story or anyone to be making comments like ah im so dumb i just want to blow my brains out like stfu you twat fucker fuck sake man. I told them that isnt funny they laughed. so i got up and punched the ***** in the face like the he is. and his other two friends two i told them that they […]
I’ve attempted many times to better myself and failed. I’ve been an active person in the community, some failed jobs, and I’ve allowed alcohol to come into my life not knowing what would happen. I’ve tried sucide before but it didn’t work. And since then the feelings come back every now and then. Feelings of resentment, bitterness, hate and low self/family/community worth. And now I’m in debt, unemployed and taking up space. I’ve applied for an apprenticeship program and I hope it goes well so I can get back on my own two feet again. Thanx.
I just wish I can go back in time where happiness really did exist and where you didn’t have to think about smiling bc it just happend when you were truly happy and not having to fake it . I just wish I can go back in time where your sister was your true best friend and had that sister relationship that no one can break , where you told eachother everything and stood up for eachother And cared about one another . I just wish I can go back in time  when your best friends were really your best friends the ones you call […]
“What’s on your mind” what a way to greet someone a suicide blog haha.. I don’t really know what to write in this as I’m new so.. I guess I’ll start out by saying hi. my name is Kay (well that’s my nickname I want to stay anonymous just in case haha) Jesus I sound really happy or something when I’m writing this but I’m the complete opposite to happy which is what has led to me to this website. I’m an ordinary 17 year old from Ireland but I just have a lot on my mind. Right now I’m not in a good place. […]
I feel like I’m moving through molasses.
Everything is drawn out so unnecessarily. They’ve been telling me for years that we will be moving, whether we want to or not. We don’t have a choice in the matter, thanks to the bank owning our house. It’s like waiting in a state of constant anticipation. It’s exhausting, really. So I shelve the thoughts and trudge forward. It’s not like I can predict the future or change what is inevitably going to happen. I’ve had to accept it and press on. Yet, it remains a small weight that I carry around on my chest.
This attitude has been a […]
So these dreams that I have they are all from that voice I hear and shadow I see. All these dreams of gruesome murders I hate it. They don’t stop first it was Adam even though he passed that thing uses him against me in my dreams. Then my dad he passed away so much blood and gunshots that from that day I hated loud noises. In my dreams he makes me remember everything that happened that day. Then my cousins brother I forgot how he looked but I remember he committed suicide by hanging himself. So in the dreams he has a blank face […]
So, it’s back. 8 yrs of pain. 4 years clean. 389 or something cuts. More are being added. It’s back. And it’s prolly gonna stay for equity a while.
Why? I had 6 people to go to.
1. Samantha. She is too busy with her life to bother with a cutters issues.
2. Rachael. She hardens me because a douchbag (the one that causes painful reminders) spread stuff around, and made her believe i am a liar.
3. Jessica. Hardly see her, and she’s too worn out to even notice my presence.
4. Brody. I see him in the day. But once schools out. . .
5. Josh. He has begun […]
Things are fine until you fucking bring it up. Don’t want me to die in the house? Fine. I’ll go somewhere else then.
I do not know where to start.
my soul is like a single dark room. How can I escape this pain?
it empties all of the energy and desire to live. I do not know why everything in my life to be so negative? it’s like a tunnel with no light just me and myself, with no way to change, only a single path. in between I see a faint light shining faintly, only to discover that it is just a small crack in the wall before the track goes straight into the deep dark.
Is suicide the only resolution?? I have endured this pain for […]
Anxiety. Depression. Panic Attacks. Two years ago I fell into a deep, deep depression where I could think about nothing but ending it. That’s what I wanted most. I lost ALL of my friends by pushing them away with my constant depression and negativity. Things started getting better, or so I thought. Maybe I was just too busy to notice my anxiety. Maybe it never went away. All I know is when my panic attacks start back up, they are getting more and more intense. Much worse than in the past. At least then I had more self control to try to keep busy and […]
Why can’t anyone hear me?
Why can’t anyone hear the screams?
Why can’t anyone hear my screams?
You were able to hear them.
You listened.
You shielded me from the pain
You saved me from the cold
You dawned on my world like the sun
But then you set
All suns set.
The stars aren’t bright enough in this black world
The screams are loud
Can you hear them?
They’re breaking a glass wall
A glass cage
The cage can’t hold the demon any longer.
The world will burn in the night
Or
I can plummet into the sea
Before I allow the world to burn.
Perhaps the cold water
Will stop the screams.
This poem is kind of the same as last time except it’s more “in the moment” if anything. hope you enjoyed
I’m the girl chasing a dream
but underneath my human skin, i’m a monster
creating visions that are not to be seen
and spilling blood that’s not meant to be cleaned
I terrorize throughout the night
Tearing through their flesh and bone
and as i look for more victims to take,
i realize, I’ve been turned into stone
a stone cold killer, i guess you could say
but that still doesn’t make the pain go away
with every scream ringing in my ear
I continue hold them […]
I think this is the position, so many of us are stuck in.
A female figure sits blindfolded, as she calmly balances two swords across her shoulders. Behind her is a large body of water and above her is the moon.
The woman’s seated position, in combination with the crescent moon, recalls the High Priestess card, and we find a link as well in this card’s representation of the characteristic feminine strength of intuition. The woman’s blindfold and the sea show a necessity to rely not on immediate stimuli but on deeper thoughts and feelings, that […]
I am 19 years old and I have an eating disorder.
Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for an overdose and for self-harm. My normal weight before the eating disorder was 73kgs but now I range between 59-62kg (which is on the brink of unhealthy for my height).
Between the ages of 8-12 I was continuously sexually abused and when I was 12 I was taken from my house by child protective services because of a FALSE allegation against one of the male family members in my family.
Since that night I was forced to live away from home. Luckily I was allowed to […]
I am 19 years old and I have an eating disorder.
Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for an overdose and for self-harm. My normal weight before the eating disorder was 73kgs but now I range between 59-62kg (which is on the brink of unhealthy for my height).
Between the ages of 8-12 I was continuously sexually abused and when I was 12 I was taken from my house by child protective services because of a FALSE allegation against one of the male family members in my family.
Since that night I was forced to live away from home. Luckily I was allowed to lie with […]
I see my smiles in the mirror and I don’t even know if they are real or fake they feel the same now …..reality is now a living nightmare that I can’t wake up from ……I don’t know what is doing on anymore or who I am …..just existing
I began having severe depression at 12 years old due to achieving an erection everytime I stood up. That lasted for 8 years til I was 20. Depression worsened after 2 years and when I was 14 I started having suicidal thoughts but I kept them to myself. Â I had so many suicidal thoughts over the next decade, it has to total in the 100,000s. Â I dropped out of high school due to having no energy to continue.
I went to college many years later. I had constant suicidal thoughts, every building I saw I saw myself jumping off of. Sometimes with myself set on fire. […]