That I am going to kill myself in the home I grew up in. No way. Not now. Not ever. I can’t be such a shame to my family especially my dear mother who I love so much. I know things have been rough on us all since Dad passed and I would never want to add anymore to grieving. I’ll be that good son you always wanted me to be, and I promise I won’t be a corpse that you’ll have to come and identify. There is not going to be any trace left of me. I don’t want a funeral, I just need […]
Tag:
in the
I’m Sorry
I just want to start this off, by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you in the past, and for all the terrible things I’ve done to you. I can understand if you hate me. It’d be a lie for me to say that I’d be okay with that, or able to accept it, but when I say I’d understand I mean it. I’m sorry for having feelings for you this summer, and complicating things between you and C, I’m sorry for kissing you, I’m sorry for being overly dependent on you, I’m sorry for trying to kiss you […]
I lost my soul when these two men came by on a Halloween night. I wasn’t afraid to walk alone, searching for some bathroom maybe close by the festival. They appeared out of no where and grabbed me in the corner of an isolated dead-end. The first one held a knife at my neck, telling me that if I made any sound, my life would end.
I lost my soul that night. Their filthy hands all over me, in my shirt, between my legs, in my pants. Their breath was smelling like alcohol and vomit. I tried to close my eyes so that I could maybe […]
First of, I’m new to this I came across this when I was looking for easy ways to die. I see myself as pretty messed up in the head. I had a mental breakdown when I was 17 after suffering horrific abuse and exposure..I was sectioned and before that was told by a nurse that if I had fallen asleep I would of died. I’ve always felt that no one cares about me as I’ve had my own mum tell me I was a mistake and my own nan has told me I was a 2 minute wonder baby. My depression is clinical and can […]
I wonder now if it is impossible to kill the darkest part of yourself. I want nothing more than to murder the other part of myself, but sadly it is intertwined with the part of me that by necessity must live. My constant struggle continues in a blur of rage and suicidal desire. What is probably the saddest part of this tale is that I cannot simply “TALK” to someone about this. It’s not like I don’t know how to convey the emotions, or how to tell someone what is going on with me, it is more like an infection. I know better than anyone […]
all i’m asking for is a RED ROSE … it’s stupid maybe ,,
under the rain ,, on a sidewalk .. walking there .. to see that shadow of a man .. holding that red rose .. waitting for me .. i come .. he give it to me … and then i go home .. to lay in my bed with that red rose .. to hold it close to my heart in the cold nights.. remembering that rain and that shadow .. about rain and sun and roses .. about life .. about love .. about the warmth … about zina … the name […]
This is for you Sammi6xoxo, Haven’t Given Up On You Yet There’s A Surprise At The End
by thelost
written by thelost
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
Right?
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
You […]
Goodnight sweetie.
Are there any monsters?
Nope.
In the closet?
All clear.
Under my bed?
Empty.
In my head?
Of course.
They want me dead.
I know.
Am I bad?
Of course not.
Then why am I sad?
Because.
Because what?
I don’t have an answer hon.
Well I’m all done.
Done with what?
The battle is over, the monsters won.
What do you mean?
They’ve already killed who I was.
Dear myself,
I don’t know if this letter will ever reach you. Some days I can only hope. Other days, I can only laugh at the very idea. If you are still around, will you have a good story to share? A good excuse for your depression? Because I don’t. All I can offer is tiny pieces of a picture so big it’s nearly invisible.
Remember the little girl who used to laugh and sing. She knew no real pain, no real evil. That’s when life was about sun, wind, trees and beauty. Everything was perfect in her world. I still remember she was the happiest kid […]
I’ve been a member of this site for about a year now and I’m just now posting for the first time. I was hoping beyond hope that maybe, just maybe, reading what everyone else had to say, what they deal with, how they cope, would make me realize that my life wasn’t as shitty as I thought it was. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Nothing seems to help. Normally I try to avoid talking in essays when I don’t need to, but in this case I’m going to say fuck it and just say what I want, because chances are I won’t be around much longer to […]
I don’t want to die necessarily… No, I can firmly say that in this very moment in time and space, I do not want to die.
However, I cannot firmly say what I want. I walk outside in the morning; I feel the dew settling on my face and the cool breeze that kisses my cheeks… I see the sun shooting tendrils of light through the light cloud cover, and I see the grass swaying with every breath of the wind. However, sometimes these things evoke nothing in this heart of mine. Nothing.
Now, you would think that feeling nothing would be a beautiful reprieve of the […]
I want to commit the gravest of all crimes, I want to kill someone…. myself; my last act on earth will be to murder thy self, my own self-destruction.
Why? Well, when life gets to a point where there’s no real pleasure left, just struggle, then surely it’s time to go. I see those around me having such a good life and as I approach 50 I feel the time has finally arrived. I know that if I keep going I will always live in the shadows wishing I was dead, I don’t want that, better to get it over and done with. Knowing there will […]
I’m signing up for this leadership thing for school. I know, I know, doesn’t sound like the average fucked-up, depressed, anxious, and compulsive person, but maybe it’s a step in the right direction? Thing is, I’m competing with a ton of other people in my school for this, so we’re writing an essay to see who wins the sponsorship from a local charity. It’s a camp, and I’m just guessing it’s way outside the money my dad and I have, so this is my only chance. What I mean to do is ask if anybody can help me with maybe the direction I want to […]
A stranger approached me the other day. It was the early hours of the morning and my partner and I were standing outside a takeaway, waiting for our food.
The stanger tapped me on the shoulder, to get my attention and looked me right in the eye.
“You’re not right”, he said, after examining my face.
He spat at me while he quickly stormed off.
I’ve always thought I’ve been a little bit of an ‘outsider’ but my god, this changed me. Ever since, I’ve noticed people look at me the same way when I pass them in the street.
What do they see?
I read a few stories about CO poisoning and people dieing in 10 min, i turned on my car and a carborator motorcycle in the garage for an hour sitting there, got a bad headache, threw up the sleeping pills. After an hr of that, pills, i cant just pass out and let it be over?
What is drowning like, i hear its painless and you pass out as soon as water hits your lungs, you just have to be brave and inhale
Hey guys, I know its been a while since I last updated . These past few weeks have been extremely rough on me. With drama with friends and my sorority ( It is a long story!), A highly overbearing work demand from my classes, try to figure out what I’m gonna do with my future when I graduate ( Which I honestly have no clue yet!),Found out its gonna be at least 3 weeks or even longer before I can even get an appointment with my university’s counselor ( I mean seriously i know theirs like a thousand and more kids at that school but […]
I’m thinking about going back to therapy/counselling, as a way of trying to resolve my suicidal thoughts.
It’s not so much that I want to change, more that I want to clarify what I’m living for, and if that’s really a good choice.
I keep telling myself that suicide would be a terrible thing to do to my parents, and that my life’s not really that bad, but all it takes is a few days at work to make me miserable, and I start feeling like I can’t go on anymore. It’s become a weekly cycle.
I guess I’m looking to resolve those conflicting feelings – either to […]
A game of this caliber would cost millions so the prospects of it actually being produced and being a great game will not happen unless there’s a good kickstarter campaign with professional developers. I want the graphics to be true to life and on a virtual reality headset in first person in order to intensify the realities of the game.
I got an idea too about adding a special breathing apparatus to the VR headset that will fit in your nose. Once you choose the peaceful pill, in real life, a small amount of non-lethal ******** (just enough to briefly knock you unconscious) will be delivered […]
Wow, where do I even begin? I guess I’ll start by introducing myself. My name is Illya. I’m a 28 year old guy from Belgium. Why am I on this forum? I just wanted to share my story. No one in my life knows what I’m about to write. Not even my mother knows everything. She knows several things, but not all of it. I have no idea why I’m writing this down. I know it’s completely insignificant, but I guess I just need it.
I’ll start with my youth. I never knew my father. I only heard stories about him. He was a bad man […]
why does society almost universally try to keep people alive against there will? Don’t they realize that we are all terminal and going to die someday anyway? Don’t they realize that denying someone’s natural right to chose to end there own lives no matter what is a total introchment on that persons individuals right to choose?
Thank about it….a depressed 21 year old person chooses N to end his own life. Let’s say in an alternate reality, he decided to live out the remainder of his life until he died of a massive heart attack at 70. He ended up spending most of his life happy […]