I just want to rant/vent
He was beginning to realise that things were out of his control, always had been and always will be. He had made so many plans for the future, seemingly carved in stone. But really he was a child drawing in the sand with a stick, his ideas, his hopes and his dreams were always going to be washed away by the tide.
His body was a road map of scars, but he had no idea where they’d lead him. Each one told a different story, some told multiple versions of the same story and some refused to utter their secrets. His arms were so heavily slashed […]
They can’t harm you
Locked in this chair
The TV blares in the background
Like it is your friend
The two dimensional connection
It’s almost like they’re looking at you
Outside this room
Where the skin gets peeled
Nobody licks your wounds
They look right through you
On their way to their next appointment
Your blood marks their shoes
But still they don’t know you
So where do you find the hand
The promise that this is not a bad joke
That you are not just dark space
The phone rings
Somebody wants to sell you something
You tell them that they’re voice doesn’t matter
A.R.
Those initials will haunt me forever.
When you hear about me, will you be sad?
Honestly, I don’t think you will.
You said you wanted to move on from me. So this will only make it easier to forget me.
That really does get me down. But that would depress anyone.
Someone with whom you’d shared such a close bond, such a strong relationship just up and decides one day that you don’t matter enough to even remember.
And sure, I fucked up. I did things I shouldn’t have. I made mistakes. But were they that bad?
There’s just one question I’m dying to know. Ironic choice of words.
Do you think of […]
How about giving me Liberty BY giving me Death?
No matter how “free” your country is, the laws of nature in of itself is oppressive. There cannot be true freedom unless suffering is abolished though technological advancements. Unless all diseases, both mentally and physically are cured, biological immortality, a post scarcity society, and suffering abolition becomes a reality, nature will oppress us like Hitler oppressed the Jews and the law of entropy will be our executioner.
Many people want to live in this modern world. They get high on there own dopamine receptors or there belief in some invisible sky god that they convinced has a plan […]
I know this place
Without hope
Without sound
I visit it often
I know this place
The solo rock
The dead spirits
The Angels who were never born
I know this place
Where false prophets
Make dreary promises
My drinks gone cold
I know this place
Where your face
Blends with the ground
Someone else lives your dream
I know this place
Where heaven comes in a pill
Where the laughter is always in the other room
Where you’re sure you already died
I know this place
Where warm faces
Turn to gargoyles
You’re afraid to lift your head
Today I watched
While some guy […]
I stood on the railing in complete darkness. The glow tape on the stage below gave me an idea of the distance I would be falling. It wouldn’t be enough on it’s own, I’d have to dive head first in order to finish the job. The warmth of the upper level of the theater was comforting in what I thought were my final moments. My balance shifted, causing the thin cuts above my knee to reopen, my blood mixing with the nervous sweat I was covered in.
From this vantage point I could see all parts of the stage. I often came to this very spot […]
They’re out again tonight.
Not that I asked to know what they’re doing, they still think it’s okay to tell me. Show me the life I walked out of. And maybe it is for some people, maybe some people can handle seeing what they lost.
I’d be with them if I was still there.
Or would I?
Long ago, when we first met I’d be with them. Then everything went downhill. Bits of me began to fall off the faster I went.
I’m not feeling particularly anything recently, I just feel dead. If that’s even a thing. If death could be felt. The absence of everything. The absence of caring. […]
So my mum is learning to drive (yeah, kinda late). Instead of feeling proud, I can only think that she will have an accident as soon as she gets the license.
Today a plane departing from Barcelona to Germany crashed… I knew that the odds of someone that I know being in the plane were minimal, but I’ve been all the day thinking about my friends living in Germany. What if they came home this weekend and they were in the plane going back there?
What if my sister kills herself? What if I walk the dogs and they eat something poisoned? What if that person, or […]
Take My Hand
Whispers exchanged under cover of the night
Lovers bathed in pale moonlight
His hands on her hips
A kiss on his lips
There isn’t a moment that he’d dare to miss
Close the space between them
Suck the air from their lungs
Let the passion begin
Burning hotter than the sun
There isn’t another that she’d dare to love
She can only hope that she is enough
Could she possibly satiate such an appetite?
When She sees the lust burning […]
I’m very, very tired. I can’t live every day debating whether I should live or not – if I continue living, it’ll stay like this. If I die, I don’t have to deal with this. I know you say it’ll get better, maybe it will, I won’t live long enough to find out. For some reason, I can’t feel happy, even though there’s been cheerful people in the atmosphere. I’m very, very tired. Shall I go about eternal slumber?
I hate everyone and everyone hate me… I always upset my girlfriend because of the past, I never bring it up, I hear voices all the time, there shouting at me telling me I’m worthless and that I need to kill myself… I have stood at the top of a building I have held a blade to my wrist 3 times in the last fucking week… I have pushed down once but didn’t draw blood, My Family hate me, I get dirty looks, I get bullied… I can’t talk to anyone about this because I can’t share my opinions and when I do PEOPLE TELL […]
I tried to commit suicide 3 months ago. I survived. I hated the fact that I couldn’t get it right. Now 3 months later I am more excited about my life and the future than I have ever been before. I booked myself into a mental health institute for 2 weeks after my suicide attempt and I learned more than I can imagine about myself…and more importantly how to cope. My situation has worsened in the past 3 months yet I no longer feel the urge to end it all. I have a strong urge to survive and put my experience to good use.
Lately, before I go to sleep, I read SP. I don’t do this because I am morbidly curious or just plain nosy, but because it helps me to realize that I am not alone. I don’t often comment (although I want to) because I honestly don’t know what to say. I want to hug you close and feed you comfort food and watch a good movie with you and make it all go away. Really, I should have the words because I work in the medical field and am surrounded by smart, caring and compassionate people every day, but guys…I’m so BAD at knowing what […]
I was never a popular kid. Sometimes I didn’t have any friends. Sometimes I had someone to go with, I wouldn’t say they were real friends.
After school, I did have friends. Popular ones, in fact. I used to go out every weekend, and just party all night, drink, laugh, go to sleep at 8 in the morning in some dirty apartment.
No big talks (at least no without alcohol being involved), no intimacy. We just had fun. It was kind of mandatory having fun.
So, people has calmed down, settled. I keep some of those friends and now we really speak. And some new […]
I’ll be fine, less down. going about my day, and WHAM, a sense of despair, of sadness, of desperation strong enough to metaphorically (and sometimes literally) drop me to the ground will slam into me. Just out of nowhere, the pain is so much, too much. I don’t want this anymore. Please, make it stop. If there’s a higher power, if there’s a dash of kindness in the universe, make it stop. Make me stop. Let me die. I can’t handle this. I don’t want to feel this anymore. There isn’t anywhere for me on this […]
3 years, 2 months and 10 days ago I tried to kill myself. Long story short I took a bunch of pills, wound up in the hospital and was saved. After a 6th months of pills, therapy I gave up on other people to solve my problem for me. I began the internal struggle of dealing with my depression and suicidal thoughts. Since then I have graduated high school, gone to college, and made many other advancements in my life. I guess you could say things were going well.
When I started college I joined the ROTC program because it had always been my dream serve my […]
You know that feeling you get, when the air feels so thick it’s hard to breath?
When if feels like what’s going on is just a dream?
A nightmare?
When you don’t feel like living or leaving your room?
When society is the enemy?
How about when you feel like crying for hours upon hours; but you can’t cause tears won’t form?
When you feel dead, like a walking corps?
When you feel that SUICIDE is the only way to fix it; but you are scared of death?
No?
How about when you feel like the world has betray you?
When you feel everyone hates you?
Like your alone?
When you are desperate for someone, anyone to […]
I used to come on to this site kind of frequently a while ago, but I’ve spent the last couple of years without internet and kind of homeless for a large part of it, so I haven’t gotten a good rant out in a long time. There’s your warning to skip, ’cause here it goes.
I was born premature from a very stressful pregnancy, my mom actually went into labor upon finding out my dad was cheating. My earliest memories are of my dad getting me drunk as a fucking kid and kicking the shit out of me. Even worse than him doing it was when […]
I should be working on the first part of my huge Payroll Accounting project; I’m working on my will, instead. I should be listening to music and immersed in the challenge of putting the numbers together and getting them to make sense; I’m sitting in silence and thinking about taking a nap so I don’t have to feel for a little bit. I should be be functional, happy, and loved; I’m broken, miserable, and unwanted. Horrible timing, really, it was on figuring out that, for me, love is unconditional. It’s not “I’ll only love you if…”, it’s just “I love you.” […]