i think it was the lack of sleep that sent me over…..the edge is not a quantitive thing that can be easily explained to those of whom have not been privy to the discomfort that comes with going over it….i had a ceasure and hurt my hip in the process i suppose, i was not concious for it so am therefor unsure…..i spent some time away but life has yet to leave, for which i am obliquely thankful, greatful even….
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I came to the Golden Gate today, I had all the time in the world to jump and my hands just couldn’t let me go over the rails. I want to die, I want the end to come, but is it my survival instincts kicking in?
Can someone please give me some advice!
My boyfriend broke up with me after two years it would have been three on the 18 and it hurts like hell and two days later he got a new girlfriend he wasn’t cheating on me with her he just found some girl that liked him and they got together after he dumped me. The worst part is that i have to see them making out in the hallways and its just been two days after our brake up i still love him and this hurts so much seeing that. I have all my classes with them!! you […]
I’ve heard somewhere that people with some form of disability usually end up having dysfunctional relationship. Not because their physical disability, though it’s a factor too, but because of their world view. they usually misconstrued “hanging out”as real romantic affection. this usually happens when there is a deep seeded inacceptance (if that’s a word) of themselves. And when someone lends a helping hand or acts sympathetic, they feel as though they have finally found a person that is better than them(only in the sense that the person is accepting), and so, worthy of their love.
what I’ve found about myself is that, because I am…highly […]
sometimes I drive down the alleyways you used to show me in your sleep, I hear your phantom laugh at jokes already made and I hear you point out the shimmering stars that flicker above us. I want to follow you, but you always rush ahead of me, your stride a choreography of eloquence, the way you maneuver on the rubbery dirt with the fluidity of wind, your arms outstretched, your delicate fingers open, your body dancing with your elegant gallop. Your long hair flows gracefully in the warm, summer breeze, swirling around the curves of your face and dipping into the steep of your […]
“What now?” The first thought in mind was the last thing I thought about while waiting to die. I woke up and it was cold, dark, and dirty from not cleaning the house while in my state of misery. I got up, stumbled to get to the bathroom, and sat on the pot. I didn’t use it, just as a chair. I examined myself thoroughly through the mirror and found that my eyes were bloodshot, hair was a slight grey, and my lips were cracked. I’m an average looking guy on most days and look younger than my age presents. I’m 21 and already the […]
It’s raining
I used to love the sound of rain. It calmed me. It drizzled through the leaves in the tree in the rose garden when we huddled together and ate sushi one afternoon. That is all gone now. Gone forever.
It’s raining
I can see her dancing in the yard with nothing but a big floppy hat. The rain made her happy. It washed away all of her tears and all of her fears. There are no more tears. She is no more.
It’s raining
How I loved to walk in the rain. Walking for miles on end. I could leave everything I hated, and that […]
What is hope? Hope is an ideal. An ideal that involves some conception of a type of safety…whether it be in a hope for something in the future, and hope that someone actually cares, a hope that someone will actually understand, whatever it may be. But what can be said of hope when there is no such thing as safety? There is no safety in friends, no safety in success, no safety even in family. There is no safety in myself. It’s like there are some kind of demons in my head that won’t leave me alone. Everything good is bad, everything bad is worse. […]
I am one of those hero-to-zero types, and I cannot bear the disappointment and shame I’ve put on my family. I wake up every morning wondering why I am not dead. If I wake up at kike 3 in the morning, I get hit by a tsunami of sadness, because I only have 2 hours before I face the world. Face the ones I have disappointed.
God, 1 year ago, I would have laughed at myself for being so emo. I can’t laugh now.
My father is so disappointed in me; it breaks my heart.
I don’t even know what I’m doing writing this here…I haven’t told anyone, […]
I guess this is the way I do it:
1. Push everyone away from me because I don’t deserve their love. I’m too unworthy for it.
2. Run into someplace where no one can find you and have no ways of contacting you. i.e., isolate yourself. Keep your phone somewhere and try to forget about it. Or switch it to Airplane mode. Yeah.
3. Hide. Remain in your bubble. A quiet bubble floating in the sea of noises.
So much for trying to distract yourself from the truth. So much for trying to forget and run away from it. So much for trying to create excuses.
Stop trying to […]
Hi everyone,
I just want to say that
fuckably suicidal is totally in fashion, check out the latest issue of vogue. plasticine earth destruction ultra HoTT,
more thought into fitting in than anything else,
Normality
Objectification of women, wonder what it’s like to have a penis?
Or a soul?
My name isn’t Vincenzo. Existential criseses, crisii;
rudimentary peni,
We all get what we deserve.
Isn’t that the case? Then humanity, then me,
then I,
heard a rumor about there being hope
kit kat wrappers desoulate crumpled can of Natty light
shotgun blast in the garage, understandable
functional toddlers and tiaras , advanced degree of vapidity
The end is approaching, I can feel it. Everything is going against me, creating the only path which is right for me, suicide. By the end of this year hopefully it’ll be over and done with. Noone else is going to get the chance to disappoint me, no plans will be cancelled, no promises broken, no fake smiles aimed in my direction, my heart will ache and break no more. Just brief freedom whilst in the air and then boom. Finally dead and gone.
Life is cold, I feel alone, even when surrounded by people, I feel like I’m in a different world than them. That I can’t ever have anyone in my life. I’ve been through a lot, went from being a sexually abused boy, to testifying against my father at age 7, lost my family in the process, and now find myself alone. Albeit now I’m a prosecutor now thinking that asking questions in court rather than being asked them would somehow make life ok. I now find myself weary from constantly seeing people at their worst, and dealing with criminals and trying to find justice. However […]
I remember a few months back, I was so stressed. My mom and siblings couldn’t understand me at all. I used to cry in the shower, shower in the dark, I wanted to die so bad, but I love life.. My story may not be as intense as other but I just wanted to share my story, you should love life, and there is a suicidal phone number where you can call to talk to people. What may come to you may hurt you but life only wants to see how strong you are, so don’t let it hurt you, show it that you can […]
i don’t know where to begin. I’ve been suicidal for about a year now.
I am a Christian
Let me tell you why I decided to add the previous statement to my post. Yes, as a Christian I do believe in heaven and hell. And I believe that after all I’ve done on this earth that is where I am being sent.
That’s why I’m still here. I’m afraid of what I believe awaits me in the afterlife, so I haven’t killed myself yet. I don’t want to experience hell. Trust me if I for sure knew I was going to paradise after I cut the switch I […]
Right now my life feels like I’m window shopping. I look in the glass with my family in it and I feel alone. I see my sister my mom and dad all having a great time, going out to dinners, shopping, football games. And I’m standing at the window usually high, drunk, or sleeping. I walk past the window of my school and I see other students striving with their plans, about to graduate. As for me I’m staring through the window considering dropping out, I can’t even wake up in the morning to get myself to school. I look in the window of my […]
Hello. You can call me M. I’ve never told my story honestly to anyone. But if you’re willing to listen to a bland rant, please stay.
My therapist is the closest to actually understanding me – not my dad, my mother, my grandmother, no one – but my therapist – we’ll call her K – she pried into my life and summarized me. Helped me. Listened. Laughed.
Ironically, I’m just a young client to her, a misguided, awkward teen. Nothing more. She’s an objective audience, untied by family biases.
And she’s indifferent, correct? She endures my little tales of woe and anxiety, etc, before dismissing me from her […]
I know in the back of my mind it won’t help but it’ll at least help me forget.
or give me the confidence to finally kill myself. I need to feel less guilty. Then I’ll finally do it.
To whom it may concern:
I just wanted you all to know (you know who you are), that i appreciate the time and energy, as well as the privilege of an audience, and debate… the interactions… those of you who have, have shared with me.
You all helped me in ways i cannot sufficiently verbalize, even in the harsh times. I spent a lot of time here, shared many thoughts, ideas and feelings, with many people. You guys were like my e-family. You guys were there to challenge me, or to comfort me, or to just occupy my focus… when i needed anyone, and had no one […]
I don’t really know how to start… this is the first time I talk with someone other than myself or my dog about my thought. I don’t really have anyone around me I am comfortable talking with. I feel as a complete disappointment both to myself and to my family. I guess to give a little bit of background I’m 25, live somewhere in Canada. I cant even remember the first time I thought about dying… looking back things seem to have been going down hill since I was 16. I can’t really remember the happy times, I can’t remember having fun, just being empty. […]