So I’ve been crying for the last hour overdon’t the shit my brother threw at me all his words nasty bitter angry words… Saying I can’t do this can’t do that I’m not doing anything. Everything I do is wrong I’m never right I’m stupid never gonna get a job. Useless, worthless leach. I fucking stood up to him to some degree before the tears came rolling in I feel like clawing skin till it burns and bleeds I need to feel pain I want to feel pain. But I feel nothing I feel empty cold and bitter I’m numb from his words. I’m so […]
I used to loving making Mac and cheese. It’s so delicious. And its usually a pretty simple recipe.. Noodles, seasoning, your choice of cheese… Or cheeses… Any amount of cheese you please cause its your Mac and cheese. Mine would be either pepper jack or cream cheese.
Lately though, Mac and cheese have been the worse thing for me to cook. I can’t find the right size pan and the water is just boiling over…. The noodles are barely cooked or way over cooked… Noodles sticking the the bottom… Missing ingredients… It’s a disaster in the kitchen…
I hate Mac and cheese
Hey, since lots of us is having a bad night, I wanted to recommend you all listen to “Beautiful Pain” by Eminem ft. Sia. I stumbled with this song last week, on a particularly bad day, and broke down and cried in the middle of the Mall, but it served me well. I know, it’s old news, but really, the song has some nice message. I find it.. encouraging. To make it through another day.
I don’t find life to be unbearably painful as much as I find it to be completely mentally exhausting. At least when I actually try. In order to accomplish much of anything I usually have to fight myself a lot. I’m always fighting either social phobia, or fear of change, or severe self-doubt, or hypersensitivity, or self-hatred. It’s like I’m dragging around a sixty-pound rock of depression and fear everywhere I go.
On my bad days, I often wonder how much longer I want to keep fighting myself. Another year? A few years? Ten years? And why should I keep fighting myself? Five or ten years ago I […]
Ok so I’am sitting on a bunk bed , yes a bunk bed of course the bid nice house was a lie its a two leveled apartment with three room all small. I’m staying in the smallest room with two sets of bunk beds. that I think half the sizes of twins and since my husband refuses to sleep in separate bed for two night I sleept in a wall. When I asked to sleep by my slef the whole group said if you fitted on the couch at his grandmothers whats the Problem.
So t
Lake tahoe looks like a shitty little mountain town with enough […]
Hi guys, hope you doing fine.
Well to attack the topic, I met a certain girl in college in september. I was eating in the cafeteria as I watched the students picking up their meals with their backs turned. But I noticed a particular back, a girl’s back, I was sure I knew this person from my high school because it had much in common with another girl I knew. But as she turned around I couldn’t look away, I was like an Y-wing with a target lock on a star destroyer. I looked at her and made a hand signal to come to me, first […]
If you tuned in on THIS POST, you not only got to hear me sing 197 digits of Pi at three in the morning, but you also got to hear me explain that I am going to spend my Friday drinking vodka and becoming (hopefully) less coherent as the night progresses.
I’ll spend most of my time here, but might drop a comment on your posts too, if you’d like. I promise to try to be on my best behavior if I visit you, but here on this post I may well descend into […]
Yesterday I woke up sad and crying. Two hours later my period started. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, where my period coincides with a drastic turn in mood. Maybe birth control would help?
I spent so much of yesterday crying, just hurting so much. And today’s been pretty much the same, except I’m alone in the house. I tried to do the things that are supposed to help; I meditated (have been somewhat regularly), I did some exercise, I’ve tried to distract myself, forced myself to do some chores and some homework. But it doesn’t go away or lessen. It hurts so much.
It hurts […]
Dearest, dearest MC,
April 1, a year ago, it all changed.
One year ago you felt the fresh air again after 3 agonizing months. And I was there for you in spirit, as I had been all along. But I soon, sadly, discovered “we” were gone.
But on this anniversary I still send you all my love my friend; I send you best wishes. I wish things were different, but I try to trust this is where we should be right now.
Maybe someday… Maybe someday you’ll remember that feeling we shared and have the courage to want to try again.
I hold onto hope; I hold you in love; […]
Honestly, I don’t drink much at all, and I haven’t had anything in years because it’s not really my favorite thing, but lately I feel like I want to have just one night of drunken misery/celebration/reveling.
Just one.
I’m in the middle of coming to terms with certain issues, certain people, and certain unsavory truths, so dammit, I would like to drink myself stupid for one night.
When I do this, I will post on SP throughout the evening so you can all see me at my weirdest. (Because what are friends for, right?)
In the interests of good manners, I will try to keep most of it contained […]
Maybe there is somebody who has the same problem or knows, what to do in a situation like this.
I think you don’t know me and my last posts. So I don’t want to talkt too much, I was abused by my dad. It’s for 5 years now, maybe 4 oder 6 I’m not sure. I was too young, to understand, what and why he does something like that. I thought […]
been in the darkness so long so the darkness is what I became
my world is dark only one way to release the pain
i befriened the steel in the darkness she knows how to ease my pain
alone in the dark no one can hear you scream you can open your mouth but no sound comes out
physical pain is my only release
alone in the dark with the demons and me
The river runs red but it all in my head
I can’t stop crying and I can’t sleep.
Strangely, I’m scared that I may have a panic attack. I read somewhere about the low-grade ones where your heart races and you’re scared and your mind turns blank… but now I can’t seem to find information about this.
I’m at such a loss. I don’t know what to do. I feel so scared.
I took a lot of sleep aids again tonight, even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I can’t stop hurting myself.
I think this is probably withdrawal, but looking at the way things have been going so far this year, I’m almost positive that these pills aren’t […]
i swear no sleep in the world could cure this tiredness apart from that ever lasting sleep everyone hopes for here
im tired of fighting im physically and mentally drained I ain’t got much fight left in me I don’t even have enough strength to try again right now so I have to stay suffering and get destroyed by my demons (my thoughts )
its funny how you can be your own worst enemy it’s a battle to fight myself everyday how can u win the war against your self with out killing yourself it’s tough
I’ve realized that I never truly introduced myself to the people of this site and I feel like I should explain what people see on the outside of me, rather than my extremely dark and weird mind that I see. I’m not afraid to get personal on here.
Well here goes: HELLO 🙂 lol
My name is Emily, last name doesn’t matter, I’m SO CLOSE to 19 years old. I live in the great white north of Canada, jk, It’s pretty ugly. Here’s my story, and how my life went wrong, my life started out as everyone elses did. When I was 7 years old, my […]
What does it take to be ‘normal’? What is it like? How do you process things? What is it like to be happy?
I used to go by the quote,
“Love yourself and the rest will fall into place.”
-Melina.
That kept me going off and on for years. That’s why I got it tattooed on me.
Now I can’t even concept how to love myself. The usual;
I’m pretty.
I’m kind.
Caring.
I have a big heart.
What ever. I […]
Hei! Let’s just start that I have been hospitalized basically since 16th of december( was let out beginning of march but taken in after 4 days..). I made a suicide attempt and thats how it started. They are still not sure I won’t do it again so they keep raising my antidepressants dose and keep me in hospital. But I am not depressed and actually I believe I will end with suicide anyway, regardless of my mood and wether its sooner or later. I wonder what will be done with me if I endlessly admit to being suicidal. Will I be just let out eventually […]
i love you guys the support everyone has for each other it’s sweet only if the world was this easy
thank u for the support il try support u guys the best I can give u advice non judgmental
my email in a post but if u want it just ask your not alone in the dark
thanks guys Xx
drowning
Living life in the fast watching myself from a distance
can’t tell the difference between what’s reality and my fantasy
Drifting floating sinking drowning
I don’t understand but it’s hard to breathe were im standing
a few cuts can turn a dark world colourful pain release trying to kill the thing inside
I don’t knew the difference between myself and my demons
disconnected from life plug me in like the matrix
red or blue pill il have em both swollow hoping Il choke
Man in the mirror who am I I’m watching my self from a distance have we ever been connected two different people in one body
i try to help other people though their struggles because I have no idea how to help /save myself helping other takes away my pain for short time and is a distraction I like all you guys your strength give me strength when I’m in the darkness fighting the demons
“were in the same game just different levels same hell just different demons ”
would be nice to get to know everyone we all try to support each other though the struggle and you guys have supported me in my dark hours
im not saying we will beat this I’m not saying things will or won’t get better […]