I know some of you might be into deep holes right now and some were at the point of their life when all they want to do is to break down and cry, or even die. Yes, I do understand because even I myself can’t do this anymore.. but I’m still trying as long as I can. That’s why I am here not to tell you that ‘everything is gonna be fine’,’get up and it will get better soon’ or ‘put yourself together don’t be weak’ because even I can’t believe that it’s all gonna be alright. I’m not going to tell you the words […]
I know some of you might be into deep holes right now and some were at the point of their life when all they want to do is to break down and cry, or even die. Yes, I do understand because even I myself can’t do this anymore.. but I’m still trying as long as I can. That’s why I am here not to tell you that ‘everything is gonna be fine’,’get up and it will get better soon’ or ‘put yourself together don’t be weak’ because even I can’t believe that it’s all gonna be alright. I’m not going to tell you the words […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEFxM3Q2kbg
My sickness slips inside you
Drowning in my poison
Desperately I hide too from heaven
Now we’ll be together
I can make you better
Siphon your pain in me, so I bleed
Feed your dreams to fishes
Lie about your wishes
Eat away at your time, seconds are mine
Sometimes it seems we’re toxic
Wake me up and shock it
My low self-esteem
Can make me scream
In my tears
Don’t let me drown
My fears don’t make a sound
My tears
Don’t break me down
In my tears
Don’t let me drown
It’s only my psychosis
Feeling thorns of roses
Fill the void inside me
So you see
Feed me tranquilizers
Calm the storm inside us
It’s so perverse to say
That I’m blind
In my tears
Don’t let me drown
My fears
Don’t make […]
Just had a nice sweaty workout and I feel nothing but dead inside. I just had to come home and cry right after working out. I like working out, it feels like I have blood running through my veins during that, but afterward there are no endorphins. Nothing makes me feel good. I still want to die, if not more. Fuck.
Hey.
Been a long time again. In 25 days I will be in London looking for a job and stuff. Up till then I have nothing to do. Nothing. I have no job. I just workout. My days are so boring. Sometimes I walk my dog, I love him, he is so playful, he makes me happy and laugh.
On the suicide front I think I have made a progress. I think less, way less then before, but I still have thoughts. I have […]
Life is torture, death is hope.
Life is meaningless, death is magical.
I am a young girl, 15 years old. This is not just a phrase. My depression has somehow always been there, and I know it will always be there. My depression is hiding inside my breath, it will never go away unless I stop breathing. I hate life!!!! Not MY life. I hate LIFE. Yes, I hate most people and I hate social situations, but honestly, I don’t care. People suck, I’m over it. What bothers me is the meaninglessness. Why are we extremely insignificant?Why does nobody think about […]
When we first met I had no intention of letting you inside, of giving you my heart, of loving you with my soul. Just a little while later, all of that came true. It all came true at the point I was most ready to end my life. It was… a miracle of sorts. The single best and worst thing that ever happened to me. No longer on the edge, I was yours to take, although you never did. But still, the tomorrows kept coming because of you. It’s two years later and nothing’s changed. I wish I had moved on by now, but with […]
Why do people say it’s selfish to end your own life?
What’s so selfish about ending your own suffering?
Why do people make your suicide mission about them?
Why is it always “You don’t want to be remembered like that, do you”?
Do you know the constant battle that’s going on inside my head?
Do you know that self harm is the only thing that makes me feel in control of my life?
Are you there every night when I cry myself to sleep?
Do you understand it’s a miracle I’m not already dead?
I feel so lost inside myself. Everything hurts. My emotions hurt. They’re so intense to the point where it’s hurting me to feel anything. I can’t breathe. I hate it. I’m not in control of myself properly anymore. I have to listen to the voices now. I haven’t been to college all week because they said it’s not safe. I left the house for the first time in days today because it hasn’t been safe. I’m so afraid of everything all of the time. And I hate it. I hate living like this. I hate myself. I can’t cope with it all anymore. I don’t […]
Living life in the fast watching myself from a distance
can’t tell the difference between what’s reality and my fantasy
Drifting floating sinking drowning
I don’t understand but it’s hard to breathe were im standing
a few cuts can turn a dark world colourful pain release trying to kill the thing inside
I don’t knew the difference between myself and my demons
disconnected from life plug me in like the matrix
red or blue pill il have em both swollow hoping Il choke
Man in the mirror who am I I’m watching my self from a distance have we ever been connected two different people in one body
Thanks for having me here chaps. Thanks you for commenting on my posts and apologies (to the non-cat people) for the fact that most of them included my cats!
In the UK, 2am this morning marked the start of British Summer Time. Naturally, it’s pissing down with rain, but at least the increased hours of daylight means I’ll be able to see it for longer!
Here’s my final set of lyrics to share with you. Frank Turner’s song ‘The Next Storm (it’s not all them, just the ones resonating with me at the current time) –
I don’t want spend the whole of my life […]
Trying to be happy and supportive for someone you care about when you’re just broken inside and watching them live the dreams you’ve always wanted to reach is such a test of your kindness and acceptance. When you know your dreams are going under-appreciated, you don’t have the ability to reach them, and it’s just handed to someone who doesn’t even know how much it pains you to see them there where you should be, your heart just shatters.
You bite your lip to keep them from knowing you hate them inside. You crawl into bed early and force yourself to eat when you’re no […]
Night guys! Thank you all for being supportive of me. I am tired as fuck I’ve had a long day after all the events I’ve done…
Remember always embrace your inner weirdo (the weirdo inside will love you for it)
Be who you are don’t be anyone else you’ll feel much better as a person for it.
All of your support has kept me alive today which I thank you for you guys to me a superheroes to me so go on and save some more peoples lives <— hopefully that all sense
See you guys tomorrow!
-Suicide
I’m alone. If this website has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not alone. That pain, guilt, shame, anger and sorrow echo deep inside many of us at every moment of the day. That any moment can be our last or can be our turning point. I will keep struggling today because I know things always change. Often they change back and I’m left desiring the epic release of death but at least for a moment I know I might not feel that way. I’m not sure i’d say that moment is worth it but I have nothing else to look forward to.
I wish you […]
So here’s my last post for the night… Here have some lyrics a song by Marilyn Manson Originally by Eurythmics
Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for somethingSome of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abusedSweet dreams are made of these
Who had a mind to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by […]
she’s all wrapped up tight
unwrapped she shines in the light
i hesitate at first for moment everything goes quiet
Iv found a new friend she’s so shiny and light
she knows my pain without me saying a word
she knows how to change mental pain into physical
without any words
she knows how to release tension all built up inside
She makes me bleed but she makes me feel alive at the same time
i don’t feel so numb this is kind of fun watching the blood run
but she dose leave scars that much is true
but in dark nights she really dose looks like the moon
– Ray
I know this for many years but I constantly forget it. When I was 16 I wrote a poem about wearing a perfect mask being perfect on the out side as I died inside.
And I forgot that all I am is a doll for famliy do what they want when they want it. My husband I am toy for I enjoyment that’s all ,my in-laws A robot.
I should be dead the amout of Close calls should have left me dead .
But I realized a long time ago I am worthless shell who has to be dead inside to make everyone happy. Cry myself to sleep […]
I just broke the heart of the sweetest girl in the world. I tried my best to love her, to give her everything she deserved. I couldn’t do it. Maybe outwardly I did, but inside it just wasn’t there. I loved her, I just wasn’t in love with her. I don’t know why. Smart, beautiful, kind, funny; she has it all.
I didn’t think it would feel so empty after I did something that I wanted. But watching her break in front of me was right up there with the most difficult and painful things I have ever done. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, for […]
For the first time someone envied me. It was my sister nonetheless. She envied my temporarily contentment and mistook it for happiness. Her tear stained cheeks, and hurt smile stirred the inner demons inside of me. The ones that thrived on the lost, the broken. It took a fairly decent amount of my mental health to hug and talk to her about what was bothering her and then sharing some of my *gag* feelings. I had to explain to her that in that moment I am content, not happy but i am okay with just being alive for now. That within an hour or so […]