I really wish I was never born.. nothing I do is worth anything. I cant make anyone hapoy and everything and everyone I come in contact with turns to shit. I just want it all to end. Realisticly it would be better for everyone in my pathetic life.. I just cant deal with the disappointment I cause everyone. My wife and kids would do better without me……
Tag:
it all
just when you think you got it all together life hits you with a curve ball and puts you back in the slumps.
I keep getting these constant fears that im going to end up all alone and it seems like it might be true.in 10 years will my parents even be alive and were will I be if there not here to take care of me.im going completely insane cause Ive never worked.i don’t do college . I’ve never been in a relationship nor is anyone even remotely interested in me.no kids.im disabled I want to die but am a coward who cant find the strength to jump off a bridge and the only other thing ive ever tried is overdose . everyone says im doing well […]
Life sucks. It’s pretty simple. When you are born…your mother shits and pisses herself (at least most women do). So you’re born into shit and piss. When you die…you defecate yourself. Your life begins and ends in shit. And do you know what is all through your life? Shit. We do our best to get through it. But it’s all shit. People are fake liars. And even the best of us (humans/mankind) are pretty fucking terrible. Nothing good ever lasts. The pain and loneliness of life just builds and mounts. We sleep, eat, work, pay bills, go through heartache, headaches, financial problems, have families that […]
i see myself as a realist. the glass is full to me half with liquid and half with vapor; but it’s all water. i will never tell anyone that it gets better. the older i get, the harder everything is. i do think it is worth getting out of bed each day, even if i’m not working. i live for fleating moments of happiness. it’s always something simple. i take joy in nature. just a 5 minute walk can change my mood. but in general, my heart is half full of hate & half with love. i am good at hiding the hate, but after […]
So… My grandmother(current guardian) took me shopping today. Nothing out of the ordinary for a Sunday. We started arguing, also very typical. She said the friend I’ve just recently started hanging out with, Sarah, would leave me when she found out I cut and I’ve been hospitalized for it. I let her know that her and her parents both know. I’ve had in-depth conversations with her mom about it, because she’s been hospitalized as well, for depression. But then my grandma said that everyone that I hang around cuts themselves, and that I’m the reason they do it. As she was going into the dollar […]
nothing is real. Nothing is genuine. It’s all fake. Why live in a fake world?
I made one of these yesterday, and I thank everyone on here for being so supportive. But, it’s really gotten to me now, I have a suicide plan. I’m going to get a bottle of my heart medication and take it all. I’m probably going to do it before Christmas. I know I shouldn’t and that there is help out there for people like me. I guess I’m just not sure if I want help anymore. I mean, there is always going to be someone who hates me for being me, right? How am I supposed to know I will find someone else like me anyways? That I […]
I’m looking for a short term coping mechanism that allows me to remain functional and that won’t lead to a downward spiral that damages my family – something I can keep hidden, and that won’t ruin my health and make things harder long term.
I don’t fancy cutting – I don’t like scars, or the sight of my own blood.
I’ve never found alcohol particularly effective, and the lives of alcoholics seem to unravel frequently.
Likewise, other recreational drugs seem to lead to a downward spiral. I don’t wan’t to end up on the street, or forcing my family to intervene, or getting a criminal record.
I haven’t really […]
Just one question for you all… Why is it that in sometimes I feel like I’m back in that exact moment when my life really changed? Why is it that I can hear and see everything like it’s right there infront of me? Why is it I can even see it in color vivid as can be? Why can I even smell that familiar sent?…. Whys it all seem so real? Real to the point where lately I’m questioning myself if it is or not.. Sigh
I’m fucking tired. So tired. Sick of the daily struggle.
Everyday, relentless. It just Dosnt end.
Sitting here, loaded shot gun. I can make it all end. Fuck it why not.
One decent reason I don’t wanna go alone.I fucking hate the lot of you. Every ****. I should take you all with me.
Stuck at a job I hate, get no respect.
The women I love. Toying with me. She asked me if I was gay today. Fuck me.
How did life get so fucked. How did I end up here.
Fuck it, burn in he’ll you pack of miserable cunts.
I’ll meet you there.
I’ve been fighting this for years. Trying to be happy in spite of it all. It’s always worse in the morning. Feelings I’m sure you know all too well.. Such an intense mixture of negative emotions, feeling hopeless and hurt. Every morning I wake up to suicidal urges. My family keeps me from it. I cry when I imagine the pain I’d leave behind. So I carry on. Not so much living, but existing. I try to live, but how can I? Happiness seems like a myth. And yet I continue to reach for it. But the most frightening thing is that I think, deep […]
there’s a different kind of tired
not the kind when you haven’t slept
or you’ve run two miles
or you haven’t eaten in hours
it’s the kind you can feel
behind your eyes
your neck
your shoulders
your chest
your knees
everywhere
when you’ve just had enough of being knocked down by it all
and the only cure is sleep
but not even that cures
because you know when you wake
you’ll be tired all over again
so you just drift through everything
tired.
It’s funny how we all live in this huge world to be known by some but feel forgotten by everyone. I walk in the streets and they may see my smile but they’ll never know my stories.. They’ll never know the truth behind this face. All the lies of happiness and all the stories of fake laughter. When will be the day that people can see beyond the “joyful” eyes and see what’s really beneath it all <\3
Everyone has their own overwhelming burdens ….. non are less than anyone elses….. mine have just become too great. i have lost my children. I had all that i could ever of hoped for…. i was adored by a beautiful perfect lady and i screwed it up. No…. not like that…. i just screwed it all up. I am not a bad man… i just have had so much pain over the years i didnt know how to just enjoy life when it became perfect.
I am now completely alone…. just wanted to say goodbye to somebody.
thank you.
I always feel like i shouldn’t be like that, that people have it worst then me and that i’m being depressed over stupid thing and ugh like that girl i just read about her past and looking at my life i’m having it the easy way so maybe i should just grown up and stop being a child cause everything is right, right? Maybe i should just forget about my depression cause other have it worst. I remember having a message from this anonymous guys telling me how i’m shit cause all the things that ever happen to me are baby scars and that other […]
Some people think life is so easy.. so easy to take.. to live.. life is so fucking easy when you are speaking your own language… but what if I can’t hear it? What if I can’t see it?
Think positive?
Thinking positive isn’t the same as what some would think… A positive notion to me would be if I just so happened to not wake up tomorrow. It’s not that I can’t make my life better (which I probably can’t) it’s that I don’t want life. I hate life. People can’t understand that, and I’m so confused as to why everyone isn’t born with […]
I fall, fallen pidgeon
Does it continuum, after the eternal
I keep seeking, nobody half-way
The grey and the long in the beast
I keep searching for a path, at the end
I did it all like they did it all
Abyss, keep
Winged-creature, iron-power
Are you, golden-heart
Weezing, uncontrolled, self-destruct
Golem, take it to the maximum
The Grimer, the Slowpoke, the Paras
Alex, Dragonyte, Lord
The Black Ash
I would pick Bulbasaur, the green buffer
Because my essence is leaf, of the Muk
Nidorino the mighty, Parasect for alchemy
Grow a Caterpie but not the Weedle
One more for whoever, poor Dewgong
To always save the world […]
Last time I wrote on here I thought I was feeling bad. Well, I’m worse now. And what makes it harder to deal with, is that everyone saw me get better and believe that’s still the case. After my parents spoke to my psychiatrist few months back they were so stressed and worried about me being depressed and suicidal. I don’t want to put them through that again. My best friend has enough troubles to deal with, I don’t want her to worry about me as well. It just sucks that I would do so much harm if I spoke about it and I feel […]
I have had depression as long as I can remember, I am 36 years old and was recently diagnosed with treatments resistant depression. I have always told my husband that it didn’t matter what medication I was on, my depression always comes back. That diagnosis was why and the last thing I needed to hear. I am now even more hopeless that, yet again, new meds seemed to be working but have now stopped.
I am a nurse and I know there are many treatments/meds etc to try but I have tried so much, I see a psychiatrist monthly and a therapist weekly as well as […]