Hi everyone, so I’ve been reading posts for weeks now and finally decided to register. I’ve been depressed for years now. I’ve been hospitalized at least 6 times in the last year. My last hospitalization I took over 100 Tylenol and was close to death. Now I am suicidal again and have been wanting to kill myself for weeks. I see my psychiatrist every week now and she has been so close to admitting to the hospital a couple times. Some of my fam and friends say I should listen to my Dr. and go to the hospital but I’ve been so many times and […]
Live, or rather, stuck on an island. No way to get back home. Was sitting on the beach last night. Early morn. Dark and deserted. Stars filling the wide sky. No real waves, just little ones lapping the shore, coming in from the black sea. No lights, no people no boats. Just me and my longing to see my daughter one last time in more than a decade. How I wish i could live. How I wish I could die.
Just walk into the dark waters. Just keep walking. Nobody there that will see, hear or rescue you. JUST FUCKIN WALK YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!!!
Finally! I did it late last afternoon. I made everything ready, and then set me Down in my sofa/ couch and drank 4 beer. I found some good music on my stereo and did it! But… I woke up on the floor. The homemade fabric “Rope” i had made was broken. I remember when i was “Gone” hearing a lot of noise and wery fast loud breathing sounds. Really scary. I don’t know how long i was gone. When i woke up i did’nt knew WHO i was or WHERE i was for like 10 seconds. It was wery unrealistic. Now my throat Hurts when i swallow, […]
I can’t take this depression anymore and I’m trying to stay positive but it’s so hard and I’m always surround by people that love me but yet I feel so alone. I’ve been depressed for 5 years and it has gotten better through the years but this week it has gotten so much worse that I can’t take it anymore. I know I will be hurting a lot of people but they get better during time cause time heals everything. And i’m sorry I can’t be strong enough.
I am 16 years old, my life is going really well, I have every reason to be happy but I’m not. I don’t know why I’m not happy I have no reason to be sad or depressed. I just feel like I want to die, I feel dead inside and I don’t know why and I don’t know what to do. I feel so stupid for feeling this way but I can’t make it go away. I haven’t talked to anyone about the way I’m feeling because I feel if I do they will tell me to stop being so stupid. I have self harmed […]
Alina, I had a dream of you; even though, I’ve never seen you..
I promise, we were just friends, but I know it can never but will it ever..
In that dream, it was cool but too good to be true in the chill house..
We were just pals and I punched you softly on the stomach..
By the way, I’m the type that never have dreams anymore..
I can’t remember the last time I touched somebody..
It felt real, we smiled and I never awoke.
Hello everyone, I’m 35, and I had deal with my fair share of depression since my teen years, but the crises didn’t last for long, but two years ago my mother passed away from cancer, my brother and I took care of her trough the whole disease it lasted for two years being the last 3 months of her life the most miserable ones, I tried to prepare myself to deal with her dying and the mourning phases but it has been already two years and the sadness keeps creeping up, it has been almost a month in which I have seriously contemplated the idea […]
So… I woke up and intended to kill myself today. I decided to give it one last shot with my MD who abandoned me. I sent her a text asking if there was a bed available at her hospital. That I was serious and was very genuinely asking for her help. Nothing provocative. Well, I had text her a bunch over the past few weeks asking when we can meet soon. Nothing provocative. But she wasn’t responding which was unusual so it created more distressed for me. Note: For those of you who haven’t read my posts, I have been through tons of treatment (ECT, […]
Depression to me is like a little demon/devil that lives inside of you. I watched this video of this guy on youtube who basically said how he viewed depression. He said…
“Humans possess this instinct of survival, humans want to survive, that’s why they eat and they work, all to keep them alive. When you have depression, that instinct vanishes, it isn’t there anymore. You want to die. You don’t see the reason of why you are here or why god put you here. You become confused and eventually kill yourself”
I can’t remember if he said that last part, that might just be my […]
I found it so hard to get out if bed this morning. I used to consider myself a Christian. So I prayed last night. Because I feel like I am fighting myself. Too many times I am fighting the urge to cut again or to pop pills. I feel like if anyone can help, the big man upstairs can because if he doesn’t I won’t be here much longer. I am constantly trying to stay strong, but I am not sure how long I can hang on. Honestly, any night could be the night.
I will be ending it once I get some affairs in order, I’ve said it before but I simply have nothing left and am exhausted to the core. Despite everything I’ve never been an evil person and was already suffering badly when you decided to start tormenting me and forming coalitions by deception and hacking tricks to do your best to ruin my life any way you could. I’m tired of living like this, I’m sure after I’m gone you will celebrate that you caused the death of another human being. I may have no accomplishments in my life but that is one I’m glad […]
(Didn’t want to highjack that other post again)… Have you ever been so tired and exhausted that you are too tired and exhausted to even sleep? I thought about treatment options today. I really don’t have any. I’ve done it all. I can’t bear to go back into DBT. ECT fried my brain last time and I am still suffering the memory consequences. I really don’t have any treatment options anymore. I’m out of options.
Sometimes I want to end it all
Sometimes I want to die
Sometimes I want to run away from life
Sometimes I want to join god
Sometimes I want to go visit my grandpa
Sometimes I want to cut myself deeper taking the risk
But then I think of all the people who care
All the people’s hearts I would scar
I can’t be selfish because I want to end it
I don’t want them to cry
I stay because I don’t want them to feel my pain
I have pain that they don’t need cast on them
I’ll take everything because I love them
I can try to convince myself that they will be better off without […]
I owe my life to you
you’ve helped me grow.
you kept me safe
on my darkest days, you were my light.
the last time I thought about taking my last breath, you were the one thing on my mind. I’ve always been vengeful, I’ve always wanted to see you suffer like you watched me – and I knew taking away something you cared about would hurt you more than anything.
two birds, one stone.
if I kill myself, it would kill you too.
but watching you smile –
hearing you breathe
makes me […]
And you cannot CHANGE the PAST … the endless stress, worrying, beating yourself up and regrets DO NOTHING except wear you down, eat away at your sanity and immune system and waste time. Learn from it and move on … tomorrow is another day and another […]
I’m done. I’ve really tried hard over the past three years to save myself but I just can’t do it. My psychiatrist abandoned me (yes, she did). Long story. I just can’t take it anymore. She was the last person in my life who believed in me. Clearly, she doesn’t believe in me anymore. I’m done with this life. I don’t have the strength to fight this anymore. I have a busy week so I need all my energy to go into my death… preparing instructions for my mom to care for my cats, writing goodbye and f*** you letters to people, cleaning my house so […]
Ugh. What’s brought me here tonight. My blood is so heavy. I’m exhausted. Really been feeling the physical symptoms of depression for the last 2 weeks. I’ve had two attempts about 4 years ago. I will admit they were probably more a cry for help than anything else. I wanted…needed my pain to be seen and I chose a stupid way to do that. Both times were embarrassing. Hospital time and then 72 miserable hour holds. I swore to myself I’d never do it again unless I knew I could succeed, which leaves me in this really shitty position I’ve been in for awhile now. […]
Yes, I want to crawl in a hole an die sometimes.
Yes, I want to slash my wrists.
Yes, sometimes blood is on my hands.
But no, that does not mean I’m never happy. Chocolate makes me happy. Lana Del Rey makes me happy. Music makes me happy. Learning how to play the piano makes me happy. Words make me happy.
When you smile at a stranger and they smile back, it’s moments like those that make me happy. And I know, this is sappy. Somedays, I will post deathly dark stuff on here that is, at best, cringe-worthy. But you know what? It’s different today. Hopeful.
Here’s to being […]
I have an amazing guy in my life that I keep pushing away, he does so much for me but why am I still not happy?
I have friends who care and try to help, but I’m still not happy.
My life isn’t perfect, I cry myself to sleep so many nights, all I want to do is die. I think about death all the time, the other morning I wanted to open the car door and roll into traffic, I couldn’t breathe last night, instead of taking my asthma pump I just let it be and closed my eyes…. but I’m still here…
I thought […]
I’ve been doing much better since I posted on here last. It really helped talking to people that actually understood how and why I felt the way I did. It also made me realise that even people that don’t know me, care. They will take the time to discuss all the bad shit as to where your friends no longer have time for it and you just need to snap out of it . Anyways I just wanted to say thank you.