I just feel so done lately, done with everything and everyone.I get in my car to drive somewhere and I just want to take my hands off the wheel. The thought of growing up absolutely terrifies me. I feel so depressed, and I want to go to the doctor, really I do but she told my parents last time and I would literally quit if they found out. I’m just such a private person, I don’t like big groups or other people. I absolutely detest with a fiery passion being told what to do or being mocked for being “grumpy”. I’m overweight, so overweight and […]
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It’s hard to imagine after a month of this calm, now that the time has come, I can feel so afraid. Standing at the edge like this, I get it. My suicide is not impulsive. It has been carefully planned. A promise to myself I’ve been making for a year. I will be gone by June. The time has come. I’m in my last week and staring death in the face, I feel this anxiety. But then I think of living, just one extra day past my promise, and the panic is just as great. The guilt, oh the guilt. I’m so sorry for them. […]
He left me because I was depressed and he couldn’t cope with it.
That fact hurts in itself, because I never asked to feel like this and I hate it too.
I asked for just one chance, that was all, to prove to him that things could be different; I’d given him many throughout our relationship.
He said no. He said he didnt even want to try.
It’s been a month or so, and he hasn’t contacted me at all.
I’ve tried so hard to make things up but every attempt I’ve made, he’s ignored.
We were best friends for seven years before we got […]
I found this cite a few days ago. I keep thinking about what to write and I’ve decided to just start with my thoughts. I was google-ing suicide quotes and depression quotes when I found this cite. Do I think about suicide? I’m not sure. I don’t think I actually want to die. I just want to cause self – harm. I remember being 15 and talking to a psychologist because so much had happened and my way out of things was with a razor. I remember liking the feeling of running it across my wrists or thighs and watching blood drip. I never did […]
Hi, I’m a 15 year old boy, I’m currently a closet bi-sexual, and have, in my own way, suffered a lot over the years. For starts, I’ve had to deal with both mental and physical bullying my whole life, save for this year. When I was in 4th grade, I had only 1 friend, and when I tried to make a new one, this kid thought I was trying to take his only friend away, so instead of telling me so, he physically bullied me to try to get his point across. Every time he caught me talking to his friend, he would come up […]
A few minutes ago I read about a girl that was able to purchase a shotgun and use it the same day. If I didn’t have a record of an attempted suicide, I would have the patience to go through the process of all the paper work and time to be able to buy a shotgun.
I have a plan but now I am ironing out the details of who will find me. I really feel bad for whoever it would be. But i’ve decided it shouldn’t be my family. Â So it will have to be a hotel. Yet I am afraid of my suicide being […]
Hello, well I don’t really know what a forum is, or how to use it, but I guess i’ll just share my story and maybe someone can help. Â I am a 19 year old guy from California. 9 years ago I stared getting bullied. I was already a loner, so I guess it made me more lonely. I always thought that was fine though. This was before social media though, which just added to my depression. When I used to sit at home alone, I thought everyone did. Later I found out that people actually do fun stuff with these things called “friends”. Well I’ve […]
…then that’s what they’ll see.
I’ll paint pretty pictures on the walls around me
I’ll always be happy and make it look real.
It’s amazing how well you can hide how you feel.
I wrote that about 27 years ago, and nothing has changed. I still paint on my smile every day before walking out the door. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 10 years old (and perhaps before that as I’m fairly certain I was sexually abused and more than certain I was physically and mentall abused)…never understanding why I feel the way I do, or how everyone else always seems like they’re […]
If you read my last post you’d understand.. I just can’t do anything right. Ever since I let my weed dealer drive my car without a license and wreck my life has been havoc. He got 6 months jail, but my 7 grand is gone.. My parents are so disappointed with me. My day consists of waking up for school, having dad take me, being forced to go to my parents friends house till 9PM every night basically as a sitter till my dad gets out of class. The car ride home is 25 minutes and all we do is fight and he tells me […]
Isn’t is funny how easily auto-pilot comes on in the very darkest of days? The lies flow so smoothly. I talk about fixing my car, getting an apartment. I continue my discussions about long-term career goals. All the while, I stare at the person I’m talking to, wondering distantly if this will be the last time I talk to them. It’s just that everyone seems so far away at this point. My plans have become my obsession. I have tunnel vision. Besides a vague, quickly released thought, I can’t allow myself to think too deeply about them and the effects my actions will have. But […]
So I told my psychiatrist about my overdose a couple weeks ago; they now know of three of my suicide attempts. And each time they haven’t done squat to help me. Yet again I was told of  the dangers it can cause my liver and all that, he asked my how likely it was that I’d try again. I said there’s a 50/50 chance I would. So I was basically telling her that I probably, almost more than certain would do it again. So what did she do? Tell my mum what happened and tell her to remove all medication from the house; […]
It’s just m note that I was going to leave near… Just don’t expect much from it.
Why am I on this earth, if all I do is the same thing. Day after day all I do is repeat the last day, the only difference is that each day I get in a little more shit.
I feel like no one listens to me, and everyone is just there to bug me and stop me from being happy.
When I was doing various drugs, I was happy, and I could do my schoolwork without dying a little inside.
I should have been a girl, and not autistic.
Autism is […]
I met a friend of mine about eight months ago.  Prior to that I had no real friends, no one I could talk to.  I was 27 years old with no girlfriend, no wife, no kids, no life, really.  And yes, I was kinda suicidal back then too, but only in the vaguest way.  I had the thoughts, but never took any real action.  I was just on auto-pilot, living life day-by-day.  My life consisted of going to work, coming home, playing video games (not even social multi-player ones!) and then sleeping.  The most boring, staid, ridiculously isolating life you could imagine and I hated it.  Then […]
I can’t really stand to be here for more than a few moments, but I am here to leave an update comparing today to this day last year.
One year ago today I was ready to die. Today is my 29th birthday, and this time last year I was trying to hang myself from a shower stall or from a tree in a campground. It didn’t work out. At 7am the next morning I was dealing with campground staff wondering why my car was in a ditch; the rear hatch window was smashed, and I needed a tow truck to pull out my car. It took a […]
Next month it will be a year that she left my side. She didn’t give me life, but filled me with life. If Nate would have just let me be i would be with her.
Loss is such a painful part of life. I still don’t understand why the people i need in my life are taken from me in such horrid ways. My daughter would be getting her license this year. I can’t believe i only had eight days with her, but i wouldn’t change those days for anything in the world.
I suppose i am lucky that i have turned all my pain into a […]
I just wish I could take someone’s cancer or something.
Imagine knowing when to die, having all your loved ones around you counting the last breaths together.. But more than anything, you just saved someone who wants to live, someoe who can enjoy life more then you do… Having a good purpose for death is probably the best thing I could ever hoped for right now.
It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get […]
I did not end it last night I was moments away for it but thats down to two people my mother and a comment left on a post here. Yes i still got no hope I still want to die but I was in a very dark place yesterday. And if it was not for that post and my mother coming into my room and hugging me saying “I know your in pain but I love you and you can get through this” it almost broke my heart I can’t remember the last time she did that. so I’m going to try again for her. […]
I thought I had life figured out, but I don’t. I’m so tired of people telling me that getting good grades or graduating from college takes away the pain of empty or loneliness; it doesn’t. I’ve graduated twice now and I can’t feel happy and it doesn’t bring me joy. I used to have this awesome imagination and I used to believe that anything was possible, but the devil has taken that away from me. And yes I believe in God, I always have. I know he is powerful and mighty and I know he is working for someone, but the devil has definitely kept […]
I have a thousand fucks, but don’t give one
Spending my last days watching the setting sun
The lies I tell myself, to continue this charade
The painful memories streaming by in parade
Lights out, hit the racks
Bag up my ashes in a paper sack
Elation creeping up my spine
For on this poison I shall dine
As blissful silence
Replaces self inflicted violence