you look at my life, seems calm and cozy. i have a well balcenced life with exersise and friends. got ski racing and cadets. From a birds eye view it looks as if  i have the near perfect life not just from other people but i think so to but im just so sad. my life is overrun in my mind i gotta think what to do next for cadets so the head officer wont give me shit. But he does any way no matter how hard i try. he tell me to do a list of things i need for next week. usaully saying […]
Tag:
Leads
It hurts the way you ignore me
You put me on the edge hoping i drift away from you
Im always with you,
My only regret in life was sharing something beautiful with you.
You betrayed me let me fall and rust and disintegrate.
Now im dead, not in body but soul
I will hunt your conscience for the things you did, and for the things
you didnt.
Do you know how it feels to disintegrate over several years of pain and suffering?
Now im empty, filled only with the pain of old and new. My destiny seems to be
pain.crying.anxiety.hate.regret.suicide. Today,tomorrow,forever.
The pain fill my […]
There’s this stairwell that leads to the edge of a cliff.
If those steps consists of this…
To be Rejected.
To be Dissapointed.
To feel Unloved.
To feel Alone.
To be/feel Depressed.
To be/feel Disregard.
To have no one to turn to.
To be ignore everytime.
Then I’m so damn close to the edge.
Hello everyone. If your reading this, Â then I assure you that right now I had forgotten this post. I wish not to remember my past, they had been changing me, transforming me, shapeshifting me, into such evil ways. I’m not evil myself, or at least I don’t want to be, but it’s come to a point now that I’ve become a whole different person from the experience I’ve been facing.
Although suicide is an option for me, I’m not planning to do such a thing so far. However, I do admire its benefits if I do take its path. But that brings a question, what does […]
Some Information
I’m a 16 year old guy.
My only friend is this girl in my 6th period class. We don’t really hang out, but we talk in school. So that’s a friend right? We talk at night over the phone about all sorts of stuff. Since I don’t even sleep at night I always have to hang up on her because she’s so stubborn and refuses to sleep until I do. But even though we talk about lots of deep, important stuff at night, we have never had to say anything like “Don’t tell anyone!” She just trusts me and I just trust her.
Sorry I should choose better words. […]
MY PAIN SURPASSES MY COPING RESOURCES….that nailed it!!!!
IÂ have more pain than resources to cope with them!
IÂ am working on that!!!
 Friday I saw a counsellor
 I expressed my need to come up with a “””game plan””” for my life
 She helped in connnecting me to a women’s organization who will help with resumes, job hunts, following leads, ( because to my muddled brain this is the crux of my depression, not to mention being off work with a shattered leg)
Please God, help me stay focused and able to hang on until I get to that appointment on Tuesday.
Everyone always says I am so strong but for heavens sake people,  it is a front […]
I swear to god, there is something very unnatural about capitalism; it is dehumanizing. I know I was not put on this earth to be a pawn in the system, and neither were you. I think that the industrialization of society was more of a curse than a blessing–sure, things are more convenient than they were 200 years ago, we live longer, have antibiotics, (is that really a good thing?….) but I would trade every convenience of modern society to be free from this system.
I am currently unemployed. Again. Do I want to go out and sell myself into wage slavery, again? NO. That’s right, NO. For some […]
That feeling of just finally being fed up with being torn down and run over by anyone and practically everyone. That feeling of no longer being able to hold on any longer because you have no energy left; but even if you did you just don’t want to put up with it any more.
Why hold onto a life that you’re so miserable in? I know it’s selfish to take my own life because it effects those who cared about me and everyone that has ever come into some sort of contact with me. But c’mon, it’s also selfish on the part of those who try and talk […]
I havent been on here for awhile,not that I was a regular but I did post several times. If you want my backstory,please look it up under my name. I’m too emotionally tired to write it out again,so please dont post and ask me “whats wrong.”
I have tried yet another round of IOP and left feeling hopeful,only to have my world continue to crumble in the days afterwards. The people who are supposed to be my “aftercare support” are either pushing me further to the edge(if thats possible!!!) or looking at me blankly when I reach out for help. The source that i received help […]