I really am stupid arnt I? After everything you’ve said and done… I’M still here praying you’ll see me… my heart filled with false hope as I stay up all night waiting for a single word from you. Only to be heart broken every night. You left me and ended our friendship because of something I didn’t even do. Just an excuse they say. It’s just a reason for you to walk away. I truly an stupid because Im still here waiting… praying that it’s not over… that you’ll keep your promises and what you’d said weren’t lies. But the longer time passes the thinner […]
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I don’t know what to do anymore and I could use some advice or something. On January 18 my boyfriend left me. He was the only reason I had to keep going. He was my only happiness in the mess I call a life. We had been together for four months. We’re both in high school- he’s a senior and I’m a junior. He just moved here from another state and has been through a similar but far worse past. We understood each other, or I thought we did. We were good for each other. The last month we were together my medications changed. I […]
Well, I’m still here.
The last time I tried to do this it was so easy to get away and to be alone for hours, with no chance of anyone checking on me.
Woke up this morning, I didn’t eat because I didn’t want to. Nothing tastes right anymore. Had a shower, the warmth of the water felt nice. I forgot myself in the heat. I’d wait until she left, get the belt and go. Only she wanted me to go with her to visit relatives. After a shouting match she apologized to me and left.
Excellent, I’d been set back by half an hour, but that was […]
My mother resents me so much. She always has. I was always the reble, the introvert, the undesirable fat one, whenever the family was dressed for an occasion, I was left home alone. So many nights I wished somebody would’ve just broken in and murdered me. Now I know for a fact my mothers life would be ideal without me. Her words tear me apart. I want to fix myself and lose weight and be confident for once in my life but she could care less. I hate living like this. I wish someone would end my miserable life, I would be erased and forgotten […]
If it is to keep your life. No warning, i’m pulling a major trigger tonight. Last year 2014 (i know its hard to remember that passed) on september 11th as survivor of war left her suicide note here. Her note ended in the most hurtful self loathing lie that anyone could tell themself. This person’s handle here was trippylikenirvana. The tale she tells so clearly of her most early traumas are left to haunt us not by the images they bring forth in our minds, but by the utter cloud of confusion that formed around her after. This woman experienced a trauma early in life […]
To be completely honest, the thought of taking my own life is terrifying. I’ve thought of it a lot of times, but I can’t seem to find any other way out. I’m only 20 years old, for many life is just beginning, but for me it feels like there is nothing left ahead. I can’t continue in school, I can’t afford it even with scholarships and financial aid. I have other options but they all end in debt. My life at home is bad, my parents argue all the time. They never really listen to what I have to say. I get yelled at for […]
Starting over.. I’ve done it again… I was doing so good but it’s back to this.. When will it end?! I try so hard to understand it all but I can’t.. Nothing makes sense.. Questions forever left with no answers ..
Stolen pride
Stolen innocence
Stolen future
Stolen heart
Stolen mind
Stolen life…
Nothing left..
Please dont judge me for writing this. I need to get this shit out. You aren’t perfect either, so please dont judge me. Life is a cruel thing, self-hatred is all I am left with, living in a rural place with only snow for company and these terrible things. I can’t shut my perpetrator’s voice off. I can’t shut off the demons. God must really love me, yeah, to punish me so fucking hard. Tired of God. I missed the boat with housing years ago and now will be punished in hell forever b/c of it, forever hating myself, all I want to do is […]
I’m 22 years old and have a year left in college…I don’t really have any close friends and had a tough break up recently. I cry a lot because I’m depressed and lonely I guess and have thoughts that I’m awful and unworthy all the time and a feeling that there’s nothing I can do to change it. I try to be passionate about my artwork but have begun to question whether that has any meaning or value whatsoever. I used to get enjoyment from that but for some reason I’ve been stuck thinking that it’s wrong to be passionate about something that doesn’t involve […]
People assume that when you are depressed, you are just sad. But in reality, you just feel empty. Like nothing really matters, because at the time, nothing does. You are just stuck in a haze. Your heart is beating and alive but your soul isn’t and sometimes, you don’t know what to do about. Pain comes before depression, and there still is some left during it. THAT is depression.
I want to die. At least I think it’s what I want. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to be nonexistent. If what I have been living these past 30 some odd years can be classified as life then I want just the opposite. Death sounds so dark, so evil, yet the thought of it feels so peaceful. Ah Peace, I don’t even remember the last time I felt your embrace. I’m so tired of fighting to hold on; so tired of struggling each and every day to not give up. I have no fight left. It is long gone and I […]
Yeah it doesnt really help to have people posting saying only I can solve my problems. NO offense, but I know that. Im trying to express pain. Do you have ptsd from being sexually abused, do you know the myriad number of symptoms? mine was so bad i ended up on the street. my flesh is battered and worn from years of trauma. i want off disability, out of this cold and triggering hellhole where i live right now in new england, no bus on the weekends, last two cars i had more or less blew up, old and worthless after a few short months, […]
i’m fairly lost, and i have nowhere left to turn,
I’m not sure what i want anymore.. i had my goals i had everything set up and ready for me, then my walls were crushed by all the pressure bulldozing me down and i cannot take it anymore.
I think about suicide a lot, but i know i could probably never go through with the act, just because i feel like i cannot leave people behind, my sister suffers from depression and my mum does too, and there in a different country to me, but if i do kill myself they would be so broken and then […]
i decided to post this bc i see so many on this site burdened by this affliction, and this is something i have struggled with for years…there are cuts and burns on my thighs, shins, shoulders…my favorite is my right arm, i’m left handed…most of these wounds originated in my teen years, and although i’ve tappered off to a large extent, the urge still rears it’s ugly head from time to time…..the evidence of this dirty secret on my left arm are so numerous, and so obvious you can see them from outer space……this was never my intention, i suppose i am susceptible to over […]
So today sucked.
It started off with me telling my mom that I had a girlfriend and her going on this long ass rant that basically amounted to her not being okay to it and when I asked she flat out told me she wasn’t. Then it was an awkward car ride and an awkward day at the barn where I felt unwanted. Then when I came home I kinda just kept to myself until my lovely sister comes home and freaks out on my because the bathroom was a mess when all that was left out was the dog shampoo and their towel and brushes […]
He’s the only guy to never do me wrong, I should have never left him. If I never left him in the first place, I wouldn’t be cursed with this issue. There’s no hope in love for me anymore, I’m gonna die alone, just like I came.
Elise, that you are
And that I am
Respect
Do we have to justify anything
I know the reflection of one
But do you know of mine
A pain that never-left
Ultimatum-balance
Break-free are the fish
Aquarius
Do you know, of the daemon-rot
Incarnation, do you know why I walk
Maxima, the only path, to reclaim
Of a child and his story, and I found
For you, and everyone
We need to decipher to the stone right-away
‘Cause I can’t take another second of this
Holy-Knight, forever to the debt
Sakura
Why do we try? One swipe, one, stab, one shot and its over. No more hassles, no more fight, no more struggle. No more isolation, depression, desperation, no more thoughts. Just action, commitment, sacrifice. It would be worth it. I don’t want relief. I know I’ll never get it, why wishful think? I’m beyond relief. Relief is something thats there, yet out of reach. There is only numbness left for me, but even thats a feeling. So nothing would be better than this! Cause what we [at least I] have is worse than nothingness, worse than death! So, why try? When we could be dead […]
Life has been on the skids for some time, but I always gave what mother called”good face”. I had a name, a good reputation, a person people asked advice or leaned on for support. Recently my significant other and i were arguing, (been living together for 10 years). She decided to try some Tough Love and kick me out. She hoped this would shock me into listening to her, and doing what she wanted, and then I would be told I could stay. She called my elderly father, who drove over and proceeded to convince him I was mentally ill and had emotional problems. Meanwhile […]