Uncomfortably Numb

This isn’t a “woe is me” post and I apologize in advance if it comes across that way. I dont think my issues or my life is any worse than anyone else here. Im presently numb and seem to be somehow getting more and more so as the days pass.  I feel so absolutely and completely overwhelmed that it’s like I cannot handle anything else so I have become numb. I have been severely depressed and suicidal for awhile now, but have tried my best to hold on. There is nothing left to cling to.

My injury seven years ago left me with continual physical pain. I have had injection after injection into my neck, sometimes 3 or 4 needles at a time, yet nothing has worked. They will not perform surgery because the risk of paralysis is five times greater than the chance of success. There is nothing they can do for the constant headaches or memory issues, the shoulder pain or numbness and tingling down my arms. Recently I somehow aggravated an old back injury and have been put in physical therapy for it. Today, however, I was told my insurance will cover no more visits so Im now forced to deal with this pain too on a daily basis.

The depression, ptsd and anxiety are enough to keep me drowning. All of the physical pain just adds weight after weight and I sink lower. Ive been forced to go on disability and barely get by. Finances is just another weight tossed on me. The legal case from my injury is still going on with no end in sight. Again, another weight. I have had no life for seven years and sure as hell dont see any changes coming soon. I just want to be free and finally have peace. I want all of the suffering to end. Everytime I come close to ending it, fears and worries flood my mind. Maybe now the numbness will silence those and I can be set free.