i’ve always been someone who needs to be someone to other people, you know? having lots of friends who depend on and trust me has been the thing that keeps me going and makes me appreciate myself and my life. i don’t know when exactly i ran out of energy to spend on other people. why did that happen? at some point i became insanely apathetic. i had no energy to try and take care of everyone anymore. i lost my purpose, my calling in life and people got mad at me for not caring enough. why did i become such a bad friend? now i’m […]
I know there’s nothing I can say to the image left inside you.. when brilliant light decides to shine through..the dark illuminates behind truth..
And you can leave it all behind you..settle for a life I lied to make myself to seem above cruel intentions for a failed youth..
And i can see it leaves a fever.. my faith will make me a believer.. burning every time I see her put her hands together just to pray for me..
There are many fears unspoken.. more than many bones unbroken.. try to close me when I’m open..but i shed a light to see..
But you won’t see me […]
Hiding. I don’t want to go to the movies with you. I don’t want to celebrate anyone’s birthday. No, I don’t want to visit with you. Please don’t come by. Please don’t ask to make plans with me. Please don’t call. I have nothing left to give any of you. I cannot be a friend at the moment. I’m exhausted by all of you. You remind me of who I was. Who I am presently not. I know you want to see me smile. I know […]
My best friend, my ONLY friend, is dead. Gone. She left me. And I sat there and watched her die. I can’t unsee it . WHY DID YOU TAKE HER FROM ME? WHY HAVE I NOW GOT NO ONE? Stupid car crash. Why did I have to live? I SHOULD BE THE ONE THATS DEAD, NOT HER!!!!
Sara, I will forever love you and I need you. I really need you. I can’t forget you. You are my sister and I don’t understand why you had to go and I get to live.
She is gone. She is not coming back. I’m alone. Not a soul. I […]
I don’t really know how to start… this is the first time I talk with someone other than myself or my dog about my thought. I don’t really have anyone around me I am comfortable talking with. I feel as a complete disappointment both to myself and to my family. I guess to give a little bit of background I’m 25, live somewhere in Canada. I cant even remember the first time I thought about dying… looking back things seem to have been going down hill since I was 16. I can’t really remember the happy times, I can’t remember having fun, just being empty. […]
I settled on a plan a few months ago, but I neglected to scope out where exactly to do it. That should keep me busy next week. The fire department being alerted / arriving in time is the only thing that scares the shit out of me.
Do you guys think it’s better to die sober or totally fucked up? It seems more respectful to do it sober for some reason…? I have a lot of oxycodone left over from surgery that I could take with some booze beforehand, though.
I just want this nightmare to end. I want to wake up and find none of this really ever happened. The love of my life, my reason for living has found someone else. He’s still here with me in body, but not entirely here. I know it’s still going on and I want to die so badly. The only reason that I’ve not done it yet is because I hope one of these days he’ll see, that he’ll open his eyes and see that it was all just a big mistake. But I’ve not many days left, I just hope it happens soon.
Honestly i just feel like theres no cure to being me. Despite all my good points i feel like my personality is hollow and empty. Because it was pain and trauma that developed, that shaped who i am completely, to the point its all there is inside me. I was molested as a child, abused and harassed for being anorexic or self harming, dealt with poverty and a severely mentally ill mother often by myself when my father was basically out of the picture, grew up isolated (no school, no friends), i’ve been homeless and just so much shit (some i dont want to get […]
I dont even care enough to want to die. Repetitive practiced motions propel me through my days. Mind numb and thoughts stagnant. The real me died a long time ago and the creature left in my place is weak. Slowly dissipating to nothing is more than I deserve and exactly what I’ll get. I’ve made peace with this.
I feel sick with it. Sometimes it’s a big empty whole, sometimes the whole fills with a nausiating meloncholy substance formed of some vile nostalgia. My eyes see only ugliness. A waste land. And my body crawls across it’s filth. Motivated by someone else’s idea of hope. To reach what? perhaps another minute, or better yet a minute left behind. Another moment of agony I’ve put behind me. There are moments of another nature however. I’d say the suffering isn’t worth them, but what the hell. Water is so much better when your thirsty.
How can one go on with life that promises no hope. How can one break a smile with no source of joy. Its always a failed battle. What else can be a reason to hang on?I have not one reason left. I have no love left for myself. I am angry for being the complete definition of worthless. I desire nothing else in life but death. True happiness is leaving and not living in a life that doesn’t consider you a significant piece of the whole puzzle. The only cure to this lifelong suffering is death. And thus…one of these days I’llkiss this foresaken world […]
*WARNING LONGEST STORY + RANT EVER ABOUT FIGHT WITH FAKE FRIENDS*
So once again I am taken advantage of and treated like shit for it. I try to be a good person and this is what I get. So I was friends with four girls, their initials are S,M,ME, and E, because i don’t want to use their real names. I was friends with them for almost a year and I noticed that even at lunch, M stopped talking to me. And a few days later, E told me M said “I need to talk to you about Tara, I am so done with her […]
I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was very young. I was raised knowing that I wasn’t very much liked in my family and knowing I’ve caused so much pain over the years just existing is killing me inside. Nobody deserves the things I’ve done and I just can’t be this person anymore. When my mom got pregnant for me she was cheating on my younger sister’s father with my father, who was dying. When I was born my mother want allowed to tell many people about my real father because her boyfriend didn’t want people to know. My father died the day I turned […]
Hi everyone.
I’m new to this site. I don’t know what I’m looking for or what I want because at the minute I don’t feel anything. I guess I want to be able to write things to people who have more chance of understanding. I had a couple of years of feeling I was making progress and on a path to happiness, but recently I feel so depressed and flat I have no emotion I’m just here. I used to cut and have tried to kill myself a few times. I just feel like I’m floating around struggling to concentrate and do my job well. I […]
I’m done. The world is a broken place that refuses to be fixed. No one has ever tried to make me happy, so me I deserve it, nothing. When everyday I constantly have to help those around me, give advice, and be motivational. When all I get in a return is arrogance. Sometimes I wonder if I ever really belong here, like really truly. All I am is a face in the crowd, who just keeps getting shoved down. I’ve been called ugly, rude, a ***** so many things I just cant count anymore. I’m done trying to have hope for a brighter future, everything […]
I used to self harm on a fairly regular basis. It helps me feel in control of my out of control life. I promised my boyfriend I would quit. I used to have him sit in the shower with me just so I wouldn’t be alone and tempted to use the blade I keep hidden in there. Hell, I even got a tattoo on my left arm to cover the scars and make a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do it again.
Well..today I failed.. no one will see them. No one pays attention and I’m a very convincing liar. My psych doctor calls […]
This is my first post on this site though I have read many stories that I relate to deeply. I have had depression since pre-pubescent years and suicidal ideation since fourth grade. A feeling of worthlessness has always presided over my life; I have never been able to fit in and because of that it only reinforces the fact that I don’t belong here. After many attempts to free myself from this world, I am composing a final plan to sever the silver chorde. Before you say that I need to seek help, let me assure you that I decided to seek help for years […]
And to think that I actually believed you.
You said you wanted me, just me. Now you’re changing, and you no longer want me anymore. Yeah. Leave me. From the beginning, I’ve never left you at all. If I do so it must be because you’re busy. Or I need time alone. You left me. You said I will leave, but now you’re the one leaving. Yeah go on. I like how you lie. Yeah. Go on. Pain is addictive. Hurt me more if you can. In this relationship I’ve never pretended before. I sincerely love you with all my heart. Hah. Who knows, […]
It’s harmless right. I’m not bothering anyone. I wish I was dead. Life is a ****ing joke! This is so stupid, I am so stupid, life is so stupid. I have known for many years how I would die. By my own hand, hanging from a tree in Letchworth, with the tips of my toes lightly brushing the snow topped forest floor. No one will find me until spring when the hikers break, hunters aren’t allowed in the state park. I have always loved that place, it’s so spiritual. I just keep thinking of my body being defiled by him. I am just left in […]
I am 24 years old, i have been fighting depression for about 4 years now. It all began when the girl i was in love with for 5 years was raped and she became different and left me. i have attempted suicide once and failed, i was locked up in a suicide watch institute for 3 days (worst thing ever they take everything from you and you sit in silence wanting to die even more) luckily my sister worked there and got me out. My current gf recently left me because i was too depressed of a person, i loved her with everything i had […]