Let’s start my story at high school, which sucked ass. Basically really patriarchal boys school and my social life was non-existent. In my last year of high school parents got in a car accident, mother died and father left paralysed (and in hindsight mentally broken to a degree). I pushed for me and my younger siblings to move to live in Australia with relatives and this was supported by my mom’s side of the family, but not my dad’s; this essentially made me enemy no1 as far as my dad’s side was concerned and I suspect my dad has always held that against me. I […]
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life is
My life is defined by fear. What am I afraid of? That I will never feel happy, peaceful, or content. That I will never experience love, or form any kind of real connection with another person. That I will never see this world, or my life, as truly meaningful.
Why do I fear these things? Experience. It’s been so many years since I felt ok with reality. Since I got a good nights sleep. Since I had a good day. I can’t imagine anything that would make this life seem ok. I can’t imagine anyone ever being able to accept me as I truly am (pathetic, […]
This was going to be a comment… somewhere… But it got promoted to a post.
I think a future where society has dissolved the taboo that one should /not/ have control over their own life, is a great and wondrous one. I would argue control over ones life is a cornerstone of freedom, and without that basic right, we are oppressed.
The natural order is to die from disease, not from old age. Today life expectancy has doubled *worldwide* since the 1900s. So, It seems we are just entering the era of death from old age (if 70 is old). Still it is almost always from illness […]
I don’t necessarily know why I’m here. I guess I’ll just say that I keep thinking about killing myself. My stress is through the roof. Everything in my life is crashing down. I feel like I am making everyone miserable despite the fact that I am trying my best to be my best for them. The only reason I couldn’t ever kill myself is because of my mother and my brother. It would hurt them tons. I don’t know how much longer that will be enough or if I’m just some weak human being who can’t handle things that aren’t to her favor. I just […]
I would find it hard for anyone to answer that question with a definitive no. Some thing as small as a good:book, movie, meal, or drug, is enough to make you happy, even if only temporarily. I feel happy when I’m around people who laugh at my jokes, and when I’m able to help those closest to me. I’m also happy when I’m: high, drunk, fucking, and cutting, but that is more a happiness centered on the basest of pleasures. Lastly I would say I’m most happy when jamming on the piano or singing. I realize I have a lot more in my life than […]
I don’t think I will ever be happy. A meaningful life is not within my grasp. There is no version of me from this point that can get there. No version that can be content with how things are, or feel at peace.
I still have hope, but it’s irrational hope. It’s constantly smacking it’s head against the logical reality of who I am, and how I’ve lived, and it’s painful. It would be better for me to let it go. But if I do that, what else is left?
So what am I doing here? I’m suffering. Either I’m stressed out from work, or exhausted, or […]
Im an angry person at 22 i don’t need a boyfriend or a kid anytime ever till my rage is under control.yet everyday i long for those things or just something I can have and feel this sense of belonging or accomplishment.right now my sisters and brothers are in college but i cant stay a week before dropping out so ive given up.my love life is non existent and i dont know if ill ever have one cause ill eventually pass on if not from suicide then from the damage of failed suicide so thats out.my sister kindly told me over the phone that my […]
1. i definitely need more clothes but i fucking hate shopping. its such a pain in the ass not gonna lie
2. life is really exhausting right now and im not really sure why
3. i have this model due tuesday and i have no clue what to do
4. i have the chance to get into a thing but ill have to miss a review session
5. i have a project due in a month but ill probably drop out because whatever i cant do it
6. i have to write this thing for my friend and i havent even started
7. people fucking […]
Does anyone feel like that people who say that “talent has nothing to do with success if you keep practicing” or “don’t give up your dream! :3” or something to that effect are only people who have been so far successful therefore wouldn’t know what the fuck they are talking about? The notion that everything can be that easy if you have the passion for it or the drive and you work diligently? ANYONE can have those things! but is what gives other people the edge is something genetic? sure someone can study techniques and maybe learn to use a new tool. but guess what?! someone […]
i want to give up. im not even sure life is worth living anymore. so sick of always feeling like im worthless. sometimes i wonder if anyone would even notice i was gone.
Just so that I can see who would miss me?
Because right now it feels like no one would.
Like my life is so insignificant that it doesn’t matter if I’m here or not.
I don’t think my roommates would care.
I’m the only girl living in house of guys.
They don’t notice the cuts on my wrist.
Or that I spend most days crying in my room.
Or maybe they do and they just don’t care.
Either way it’s not their fault. I’m the one who is broken.
I just wish that someone would notice.
I’m just so fucking lonely.
It’s suffocating.
Every single day I live life feeling like i’m constantly suffocating.
I can’t breathe, I can’t think. My heart is broken, my life is broken, I am broken. My mom shot herself 2 years ago and I’m trying to not think these thoughts, make these plans..I just can’t help it. I am so sad and alone and lost. I always wanted my legacy to be something extraordinary, special. It didn’t work out. My life has been one tragedy, one struggle, after another. People say I’m smart & beautiful, but I’m not. I never married because I didn’t want to ‘settle’.. but people just assume there’s something wrong with me. Every night I come home to an […]
So far there have been two things, and only two things that have kept me from committing suicide.
1) Fear of the unknown.
This life is terriable yes, unbearable and causes me suffering every single day. I just want out, I just want it to end and I think I would be doing everyone a great deal if I left now. I would be ridding the world of a horrible, evil person. But I believe in being selfish, all I care for is myself and what worries me is what comes after death. What if it turns out worse than what life is like now? […]
I hate myself. Why don’t people understand how I feel or how other people like me feel? Everything hurts even when I’m not that old yet. I wish I could escape all this madness…then I think to myself, I never really fit in in the first place…what if I dissappeared what would happen no one would care for me… “life is a play ” another person gone and the play will still go on, the world will still spin…my verse in this play dose not seem that long and important…but what if it is I mean I’m just a child to to some people… […]
This is my first day coming off my meds and already I’m staring to cry. Nothing’s wrong! I’m at work… But I feel an overwhelming sadness welling up inside me. Because my life is so shit because I always fuck up. I don’t know… people tell me I have so much going for me. Why do I feel like my world is constantly falling down and there is no hope of building it up again.
Im up late as usual in my room scared of the dark to sleep.
Everyday is such a waste, i do nothing but watch movies. Barely anything gives me pleasure, i feel loke crying im so depressed. I feel like life is just a coincidence and then when we die we die, its over, which makes me really sad and depressed like whats the point of carrying on till death.
Barely anything interests me im scared of people i have 1 friend that scared of talking to. I dont know how to explain it.
i just feel so Sad and lonely right now and i […]
Today has been… well, a day, I guess for lack of a better word. Still struggling to get things figured out.
I’ve made two attempts this year, life is just getting to be too much for me.
It seems like an endless cycle, bouncing from shit job to shit job, never progressing anywhere in life. I’m pushing 30 and I’ve never been in anything resembling a stable relationships, just a long list of failed attempts and missed opportunities. Plenty of people that “Just want to be friends” though. Friends who never call or ask how I am, and who probably wouldn’t notice if I offed myself. Or […]
Alice’s mission in life is to poop in the white house and instagram it, then Alice can die happy, Alice felt like sharing that
For the first time in 7 months, I find myself contemplating how things would be if it had worked the first time. Or the second.
Life isn’t perfect it’s hard to manage. Life is a ***** and doesn’t let you live it how you want it. Well the people that also live in this so called world. So I leave you here to figure out the world without me because I was never good at a fight. I’m not a fighter I look at the reasons and there is only one way to stop this pain. Suicide sorry that it has to come to this sorry that I wasn’t up for the good life. Sorry that I let you down sorry that I made you sad.. but they good part […]