My heart hurts from all the pain, so much that every beat leaves me with a sense of fatigue. Im just so tired of it all. I feel like its just me here alone looking inside myself trying to find something but the room is getting darker. i need some light.. some hope so my heart could medicate. Its been through so much trauma dont know how much more of it my heart could take.
Tag:
light
you come
crying
and eating
growing
your halo of gold
i take it
i steal you away chil’
to my palace
in the darkness
i shape you
molded clay
becoming
red and black
devil chil’
you are mine
now go
out into the sun
into the moonlight
break them chil’
tear them
kill their babies
poison their water
burn their crops
break the glass
shattering
make them crumble
give them
infernal fire
watch
as they turn to ash
go forth chil’
leave your chocolate behind
and become the devil
this world will end
you are
darkness
my creation
burn them all
I don’t know about any of you but I frequently look up ways that a person could die so I can structure the most reliable method of suicide possible if I ever came that close to the edge…which is rapidly approaching. You know, things like, “How to take a bunch of pills without throwing them up”, “How to tie a noose”, “Ways to bleed the most” but my results all turn up with nothing (except the noose one). Perhaps I need to ask the opposite of all these things. Or, just trial and error. Trial and error. I wonder if a near death experience is […]
She felt alone inside her mind. It was her darkness that consumed her, she never had the switch to turn on the light. It’s that kind of gleam, that is seen in the eyes of the happy. She craved for it, ever since was 11 when she realize everything is a mess. Happiness has been her birthday wish every year. On her 16 birthday, she didn’t wish for a car, it was to be happy like before. Her friends never knew that she was depressed and suicidal. It was like she was in her own play. She does her hair, makeup and costume to act […]
The Dweller Alone by Stella Benson
My Self has grown too mad for me to master.
Craven, beyond what comfort I can find,
It cries: “Oh, God, I am stricken with disaster.”
Cries in the night: “I am stricken, I am blind….”
I will divorce it. I will make my dwelling
Far from my Self.
Not through these hind’ring tears
Will I see men’s tears shed.
Not with these ears
Will I hear news that tortures in the telling.
I will go seeking for my soul’s remotest
And stillest place.
For oh, I starve and thirst
To hear in quietness man’s passionate protest,
Against the doom with which his world is cursed.
Not my own wand’rings—not my own abidings—
Shall give my search […]
‘In the garden by the swing sits a
A little girl oblivious of the love
And and joy she brings
There are flowers all about her and
Birds that sweetly sing of the
Joys of tomorrow that a certain
Smile can bring’
There’s a pool deep with water from
Which sirens softness bring and
The pool’s cool and dark with
Golden fish and other things
There’s a rock by a fountain which
Quietly sprays the air and soothes
The very quietness that is spoiled by
Me being there
While she plays with her fingers and
Touches face and hair and is
Surprised by the roughness
And the burnt smell
In the air
Looking all about her at the sky devoid
Stars there […]
Cold blue steel
Pressed to my temple
I tremble some
this trigger has always been light
No tears will spill
for me, not for me
only anger for the mess
I will leave
A half-century of life
like trash in the wind
leaves me so angry
– that my old man didn’t jack off in the sink
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/To-Write-Love-On-Her-Arms-Time-Will-Fade.mp3
Dishing like the wishing well
Granting wishes but wishes never granted
It’s all i’m taken for
A ride through hell and back
To reality – I hope this isn’t some kind of spell
Binding pain keeps me trapped inside
Out of the frying pan and into the
Ready, aim , fire!
The smoke burns my eyes
Wide open spaces hold me captive
Audiences can’t turn their heads from the fight
To the finish! I run until my legs are broken
Hearts sinking, eyes flooded with tears
Blood and sweat […]
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I do not know where to start.
my soul is like a single dark room. How can I escape this pain?
it empties all of the energy and desire to live. I do not know why everything in my life to be so negative? it’s like a tunnel with no light just me and myself, with no way to change, only a single path. in between I see a faint light shining faintly, only to discover that it is just a small crack in the wall before the track goes straight into the deep dark.
Is suicide the only resolution?? I have endured this pain for […]
I Should Have Thought Of a Sophisticated Title (or “Proof I Suck At Titles” or “I Have a Tendency To Make Titles Long”)
by monsterly
written by monsterly
Imagine a map, it’s a map of the world, a giant map, placed on the wall.
There are lights on the map, some of them blue, some of them white,
some of them glistening more, some of them flickering faintly.
Each light represents a soul.
Your light is on the map and I don’t know if it’s blue, white,
if it’s shining or if it’s hiding, if it’s bruised or healing.
(If it’s healing, it’s purple.)
Then something horrible happens; a villain steals the lights.
Not the souls,
just the lights.
Blue, white,
purple.
No indication of them on the map.
The map’s plain now. That’s not nice, is it?
A plain map. A plain map that didn’t use […]
I’m finally going to do it.
I’m getting out.
Away.
Away from here.
Nobody will be able to save me in 40 seconds.
Now I’m counting down the days to when I’ll slit my wrists and walk into the light.
I feel at peace.
This was a test that I just couldn’t succeed in.
Maybe death is my thing, my purpose.
I’m sorry everybody if it sounds like I’ve given up.
I haven’t. I’ve just said yes to fate.
I wrote this poem today, it sucks, but I haven’t written anything in weeks, so…
“I remember
When you looked at me
With those eyes
When I couldn’t help but
Idolize
When my heart began
To race.
And I remember
When I saw you
When your eyes
Had lost all light
When you stopped
Fighting the fight
When you lost yourself
And me
And now you’re gone
and I’m waiting
Waiting for you to come
back
Waiting to see those
eyes
Waiting to know if you’re
alive
Please come back
Please wake up
You’re still there
Lost, to be found
And I’m waiting
For you to come back.â€
This was […]
.. but nothing more than an artificial light.
I can’t seem to be able to express myself properly much anymore. Nor can I express this pain that is so deeply imbedded in my heart and my soul, from there on it has hurt my body badly, and this goes on, and on, in a perpetual cycle. The sun has gone for so long. My spirit has gone for so long. I am debilitated by the relentless pain I continue to carry. It has been 6 months, and in these 6 months I have only learned of more and more that has hurt me so much until […]
Im a 21 yr old man and have been suffering from severe depression and even worse social anxiety for about half my life. Ive been a victim to mental,physical, and the worst imo sexual abuse. The last 3 years ive really just wondered why im still here and whats the point when i just isolate myself to my room all day. I actually get kinda pissed somedays especially when im on a drug and alcohol binge and i manage to awake after doing a bunch of dope and drinking jack n cokes. Why does mental health care suck so bad? Ive been to numerous doctors,shrinks,etc. […]
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And God saw the light and told us it was good;
And most of us believed Him.
But some of us did not; some of us could not dance and frolic and sacrifice our sons in His name,
Because it didn’t make any sense.
So God told his followers that we are evil;
And there was hatred in the world.
And those of us who dwelt in darkness were cast out, mocked, tormented and beaten. And God made large stone & steel buildings where we were to be taken and fed drugs to make us stop being […]
If I only could
If I could fill your hurting soul with love and happiness,
I would.
If I could fix your broken smile and light your eyes with life,
I would.
Believe me, If I only could, I would.
I’m not good at this, I wanted to give it a try. xd
I wish I could make everyone smile, just for a second.
Out of respect, names will be changed for privacy.
yesterday was a horrible day. My mother was the first person (who knew Tom well), to discover Tom’s dead body in his hotel room. My mother and Lisa, a friend of moms who barely knew Tom apart from the occasional light teasing they shared back and forth, searched the city for him after no one had heard from him for a week. The search lead to a small area in a bad neighborhood by two restaurants and a cheap hotel, a waitress at a restaurant he used to frequent took mother to the hotel manager and got […]
I had to write a sestina for English, and I feel like a lot of people here can relate to it, so please don’t judge me too harshly. I can’t pretend to be a poet, but still I feel the need to share this.
I woke up, dry mouth
Coughing, sputtering, the light
From the sun burning my eyes
The taste of the drink
from my stupor last night
I stumbled forward, and opened the door
I walked forward, passing through each door
A bad taste in my mouth
Reminding me of my life at night
Devoid of all the good, all the light
The […]