Memories are flashing through my head constantly now like a movie stuck on replay. All of my mistakes and superficial triumphs… In an effort to escape them, I resorted to my old self-harm habits: hair pulling, scratching, biting and eye gouging… With the very hand that is trying to rip away the past reflected in the eye above, so will it end the future. I find it ironic that if I came to SP sooner, I might have not “thrown away my ex due to depression” venting on here instead. Oh well… That superficial nymphomaniac probably would have dumped me anyway since I might as […]
Tag:
Losing Control
ive learnt how to block everything up now, not to say how you really feel… people honestly dont care. but im just writing here because i need to get it out, as soon as i speak about stuff i close up and change the subject but writing it, i can cry as much as i want and still its all comprehensible.ok my life is great, my parents care about me, im a scholar with a grade 8 for LAMDA and % for theory of music. I have a passion; horses, everything to do with being outside, nature, science, english lit and lang.
But i hate […]
i have been depressed and suicidal for almost 4 years now. i am currently 14 years old. i have attempted suicide around 20 times (no attempts in recent year). i have frown tired of life, and i no longer feel as though i have a place on earth anymore. i promised myself that i wouldnt do it, but i can not keep that promise much longer. i dont know what to do, i am losing control and i dont even mind it.
burning sensations
from cigarette buds
endorphins empired
from beautiful skin
breaking and burning
emptying within
but,
she’s fading quickly
and losing control
she doesn’t have anymore to know
-e.m.
love the song. should change my username. had a 3 tissue session with wendy today. discussed what i meant when saying i felt like i was blocked. that my short bursts of intense emotions are maybe cracks in the “wall”. and that is why they come and go so easily. and what is on the other side of that wall? i don’t know. and the thought of finding out is terrifying. wendy says to embrace those emotions and try to see what is causing them. but the “blocking” comes so easily i don’t know how to stop it. i am scared of losing control. i […]
To cut a long story short, I’ve been clinically depressed for the past 3 years. I recently went through a period when I didn’t feel suicidal and actually felt like things were starting to get better. Then the last couple of months happened and I’m feeling like I’m losing control again. I just don’t feel like it’s ever going to go away. I know I’m not strong enough to fight it all over again.
I keep having sudden rage
I want to stab myself
I screwed up so bad
A few months ago i met a girl and didn’t have a condom and I think she gave me something
I’ve made this mistake so many times because I’m always drunk
This time It didn’t end up so good
I can’t tell anyone and there is no reason for me to be acting this way
i cant stop thinking about how bad i want to end my life
My telling you on the nightline service “I am not that strong of a person†translates to “I am going to kill myself, but I don’t want you to lock me up so I won’t say it out loud and commit myself.â€Â I don’t know how or when. As soon as possible. As soon as I can find the right way. Pills won’t do it…I’ve even heard cyanide won’t do it unless you are a chemist and know how to brew it just right. I envy that old couple that took their life together sipping cyanide from their teacups. Jumping in front of a train […]
Here are some songs that I can relate to when I’m feeling depressed and suicidal.
Please leave a comment with your own suggestions so we all have something new to listen to!
Coming Apart (This video was loosely based on the story of Kevin Hines, a young man who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge)
Coming Apart Music Video. – YouTube.
Water Under The Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Because I attempted suicide, I really like the lyrics – “I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-JodA2YcY
Gorilla Zoe Featuring Lil Wayne – LOST
“I’m losing my mind, […]
I’m so sick. Everyone wants me dead. Why do I keep trying to find someone to hold on to? Noone will ever care about me. I can’t keep the happy face anymore, it’s just too much. Everytime that I show someone the agony inside they’re like “Run for the hills”. I will always be alone. Noone could ever love a stupid loser like me. I thought that I could help if I would talk to people around here. But how could a fuck up like me ever help anyone when I can’t even help myself? Everyone is going to be better without me. Nobody will […]