I completely lost it. I don’t know how to get up anymore, today i did it more as a mechanism, because people do that, they get up. My hands are shaking, I am terribly afraid of myself. I can’t control my actions anymore. It seems like another person lives inside me, controling my mind, giving a false perception of reality. I think i am insane, I don’t want to be and the thought of it makes me cry. People have so many expectations of me but i just wish i can tell them who i really am. And more than anything i wish they could […]
Tag:
Lost
I’ve had this saved for some time now. Realised from the moment I thought it that one day I would use it. My family, especially my parents, have the right to know why I decided to do the unthinkable. They have no idea I’ve been researching it for months. Devious really. This is a material world and I want out.
To My dear loving family
Forgive him all for what he’s done
A departed soul he has become
His pain and suffering so much so
He had no choice but to go
Young, loving and so very proud
But in the end was beaten by deaths dark […]
You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I’ll say I can’t tell you when
But if my spirit is lost
How will I find what is near
Don’t question I’m not alone
Somehow I’ll find my way home
My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace
And if you’re asking me when
I’ll say it starts at the end
You know your will to be free
Is matched with love secretly
And talk will alter your prayer
Somehow you’ll find you are there.
Your friend is close by […]
Again? Were things ever really better..?have they ever been okay? Or were all those moments just a distraction..
I’m scared. And I’m alone. And I’m so tired.. and those words taste so bitter.. because I thought I was strong enough to beat this.. I thought it was something you could beat. In my years I’ve always shrugged away help or people. Because every time I let my guard down.. I learn a new lesson. A new, sad lesson that makes me tnink even more that its just time to give up this fight. And Ive been fighting all my life.. before I even knew what depression […]
does anybody know how to be happy because i havent put on a real smile since the winter. i want to know what happiness feels like again, im lost in my own depressed, suicidal world and i dont know how to get out. im about to reach my breaking point.
First let me star off by saying that I am not planning on committing suicide right now. I just do not want to get to that point. I do not know how to express what I am feeling, but I will try to the best of my ability to describe it. I just feel lost, I do not want to do anything anymore. I do not want to move anymore, but I do not want to stay still. I want to live, but I do not want to keep trying to endure this suffering. I have a good family and great friends, just my views […]
Why am I like this?I’m a 14 year old girl, at the end of my freshman year of high school. And all I can think about is killing myself. I don’t understand why I’m like this, am I crazy? It feels like everyone else is just strolling along happily while I’m stuck in a hole deep underground. I’ve felt like this for the past 3 years, I cut myself for a while and I’m trying to stop because I’m sick of being embarrassed of myself but the urges are returning. The feelings of desperation and loneliness take up most of my day. I […]
I remember when I had none
No secrets.
There were no need for them.
I could trust anyone and everyone with anything.
I had no secrets.
I had no worries.
But one day something changed.
I became older, more mature
and suddenly everything was my fault.
Have you ever had a loved one pass?
Have you ever been bullied?
Has your mother ever gotten mad at you,
and said the words “Its just who you are”?
That’s all happened to me.
Now I’m worried.
Now I have secrets.
There’s no going back to the old me.
There’s no reversing what’s happened.
There’s nothing I can do,
besides […]
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
It was only the first time.
I spun the blade around in my hands
contemplating if I should really do this or not.
I heard my mom yell.
Yes, I should, It’s worth it.
The blade sank into my arm,
cutting across my arm.
Not too deep.
It was only the second time.
The kids at school were bullies.
My parents just got mad.
I took the blade in my hands.
I didn’t even think about it.
I pushed it into my arm,
cutting across parallel to the last one,
A little deeper.
It was at least the 50th time.
I didn’t even have different reasons anymore.
To the girl who was called ‘ugly’ by the many people she’d call ‘friends’, we will remember you.
To the boy who’s sexuality made him a target of beating bullies, we will remember you.
To the high school dropout who followed the wrong path of alcohol and drugs, we will remember you.
To the man who had no home, love or hope, we will remember you.
To the woman who lost her husband to cancer, we will remember you.
And to the all the other innocent, pure minds who have taken their lives, we will remember you, and the suffering you have once endured, Is now peace within the heart.
One day I was sitting on the couch staring out the window at the rain.
My mother approached me and looked into my eyes.
“Something’s wrong.” She said softly
I asked her how she knew so easily.
“The eyes are the windows to the soul.” She replied
I never forgot that day.
Another day, hears later, I met you.y
You seemed happy. Every day you woke up and put on your smile.
That’s all anyone looked for, but not me.
I looked further.
I approached you and looked into your eyes.
“Something’s wrong.” I said.
You asked me how I knew and I gave you […]
I have no clue what to do anymore. I’m losin all my friends my dads diei I’m a failure in school and work. I lost the one girl I loved cause I’m such an idiot. I fail at everything and I honestly don’t want to be alive anymore. I’ve never been so depressed in my life. I just want to end it all I drink myself crazy I cut, burn, scratch, and bite myself…I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m afraid to go to school because all I get is called names over and over again. I get physically bullied too by both guys and girls, and that is not ok! No one ever believes me when I tell them that this is happening. I come home everyday with bruises on me and I usually bleed some times too. I go home to my parents where all they say is get over it. I feel lost and scared.
I’m a very sensitive person. I just don’t understand how people can be so mean to people they don’t even know. Or being mean in general. You all know the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” But they do hurt, they hurt more then sticks and stones. I don’t know how to stop the words from entering my mind even after pushing them out. Words like; annoying, *****, lazy, fat, ****, mean, slut, whore. I have been called every single one. I tried to stop cutting but I cant.
I don’t have anyone to talk to. My sister […]
I would say I had a terrible childhood. But it wouldn’t be true. I wasn’t popular, but never severely bullied either. I was your normal nerd, with good grades (but not too good), few friends and a passion for books. And that’s everything I remember from then.
When I was about 15, I started to understand the world. I felt frustrated by not having answer to some questions, and started looking deeper into myself and into the world. I rationalized everything, and got a working schema of reality. I thought that was all, and was anxious to get that knowledge to the rest of the people. […]
Hi,
My username is an anagram so if any of you care to do a little word play, you can figure out my real name, but thats not why I am here. I am here to tell you, the reader, a story. A story about me and why I want to die, yet cannot achieve presently.
I was born January 25, 1987. My mother was a drunk at the time and my father was smoking crank. I am the result of a one night stand. An accident turned paternal, if you will. My very first thought, I remember, was when I was still an infant, unable to […]
i dont know what to do my so called best friend is now best friends with my sis and none of them is speaking to me because i sh and i did it infront of her one day she said she would have to take time to trust me again. (i wouldnt normally do it infront of anyone but my partner walked out that day and my whole life revolves around him i lost control ) i spoke to her today well, i got a msg she said thats why she hates me and i hate me. have done for a while im severely depressed, […]
I have stumbled across this site on accident and after looking over it all night and then joining, I am so grateful to have found it. I’ve been needing to talk to someone for a long time (decades, really). I realized I am scared to share it on here, also. No one will care (even though I know that here is the most probable place I will find like minds), it will be too long (because it is, indeed, an extremely long story and would probably have to be done in increments), because even though my problems ARE severe, I am fully aware that many […]
Hello.
I’m 13, And have a crazy family. I Have a bipolar raging mother who beats me occasinally, A dad who could give less of a fuck, a brother and sister both younger who always push my buttons even if i’m already crying, and a grandma who doesn’t help.  My mom is mainly the reason im here. I’ve been suicidal since i was 9. I’ve grown up mentally as well, i stay locked in my room almost everyday wondering what  to do and how to die. I have countless scars on my arms from cutting, thinking it was the only way to escape , and now […]