Hi to whoever is reading this. I don’t know where to begin. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed. Going into college, being an 18 year old girl felt amazing. I pictured myself partying, having so many friends and so much fun. I tried to play myself off as that person for the first month. And it didn’t occur to me that I was draining myself slowly. Finally, at the beginning of last month, I realized that these “friends” I had made were interested in who I pretended to be. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I wouldn’t fit in if I […]
Tag:
Lost
“From where you’re kneeling, this must seem like an 18 karat run of bad luck. Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.”
That quote sums up my life perfectly.
To understand why I’m doing this, I’ll need to explain a lot. Thank you if you read it all.
2012 I got out of an Abusive relationship. She beat the shit out of me over nothing. Jealous, possessive, constantly checking my phone. If I was a minute late getting home, I was cheating.
I moved into a house I’d been buying for Us. Not being able to afford the mortgage on my own, my mother offered […]
Once life was good. I was happy. Happy enough. But I ruined it. Now my days are spent in silence, alone, dreaming of the past, wishing for it all to have turned out differently. I despise the present of long awful days lost in sadness. I dread the hopelessness infecting every second of every day. I’ve tried to be happy since. I have moments of contentment, of distraction, but it never lasts. I spend all my time alone, afraid, anxious, and miserable. I cry often. I sob and I pace with my hands cradling my head. All my joy is gone. Any passion I once […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
fuck Reality ! Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks ! Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring ! movies, novels books, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
by niki
written by niki
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
I’m not sure where to start with this, so I’ll just pick a place and begin. Currently I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to. I don’t want to get attached to anyone because if I do decide to go through with suicide, then it’ll just be another person I hurt.
I’m 21 and over the last five years, my life has been nothing but oppression. High school was hell. I could not fit in with anyone and was occasionally picked on because of my unnaturally high voice for a guy. I basically isolated myself from everyone since I was ashamed of my voice. […]
On 14 May 2014, I died. This was my 9th attempt and first success. I didn’t want to come back. But, yet again, I was denied of what I wanted most of all: to be free of all the pain, suffering, bipolar/PTSD and abuse I’ve endured for over 30 years. People called me selfish. Maybe so, but when you’ve lost everything that mattered, everyone you loved, even though they didn’t love you, being abandoned, rejected, your brain fucking with you on a daily basis, and you fight every single day to get through it, death is the only way out. I’m done with shrinks, the […]
I’ve lived the last 5 years with severe depression and I’m sick of everything. Why should I bother anymore? To quote Macbeth; “I am in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as to go on.” My life is miserable at the moment, has been for a long time, and likely will be for alot longer. I’ve even found that I’m too useless to even help myself; when I make commitments to myself to make a change for the better I always break it and find that I’ll always be the coward I swore I’d never become. […]
No idea where to turn to anymore..
Everyday feels like I only am left to waste away more. Tired of people telling me “there’s so much to be thankful for” “think of the positives”.. Only how can I be so positive when the nightmares and flashbacks are a movie stuck on repeat. So vivid so clear.. The anger rushes over me and I quickly return to the blade . The one thing I know will never judge me. The one thing I know will never leave me or betray me. Suddenly feeling ashamed. Who am I?.. Where has all this gone. Why did I die the […]
As I breathe deep and clear, even though you’re there I feel alone. I stand waiting as I’m here wandering capturing the capacity of everyone’s joy and laughter.
Though the key to myself is lost. I can’t live as before, where it was easy to become a friend to someone.
As I open my eyes I’m slowly becoming tortured by the way I feel with myself. How do I stop becoming this way I ask.
One day though it will become better as for all of us.
I’ve been suffering pretty severe depression for roughly four and a half years now. Throughout this entire battle I’ve had with the snakes in my head, the demons in my personality, nothing has helped. I’ve been on different types of drugs, I’ve seen councilors, I’ve talked to friends and family in a search for hope and understanding – and I always end up back in this state of desperation. It’s reasonably well known that there are suicidal people who don’t actively want to die, they just want the pain to cease. The thing is, I actually want to die. I’ve had on and off feelings […]
is superhero real exist ? are superheroes real exist ? is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ? fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
by niki
written by niki
is superhero real exist ?
are superheroes real exist ?
is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ?
you know, like in those ‘cool’ superhero movies : X-Men (X Men), Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Iron man, Captain America, or in those ‘cool’ fantasy / sci-fi (sci fi, science fiction) movies : Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, TRON, or games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc etc ..
otherwise, fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
I hate reality, I hate life , I hate this very *LIMITED* & […]
Mirror, mirror, on my wall,
I just want to be thin, pretty and tall
Mirror, mirror, if I change my hair,
maybe someone will start to care?
Mirror, mirror, if I starve myself,
at least I’ll be beautiful, forget my health.
Mirror, mirror, if I cut my wrist
will I feel like I exist?
Mirror, Mirror, don’t you see?
What you show, is ruining me.
For far too long it had watched her cry,
so the mirror decided to reply:
“What you think you see? It isn’t true.
This misery is found inside of you.
Don’t lock yourself in a broken soul,
or I promise […]
Why movie , game , novel , comics , book , anime/manga , human’s IMAGINATION is FAR much better than this boring Reality / real world / real life ??
by niki
written by niki
Why movies is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why video games is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why novels is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why comics is much better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why anime/manga is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
in conclusion :
Why human’s IMAGINATION is better & more interesting than this boring […]
I’m 27 and male, never had a girlfriend, don’t have any friends, don’t have a purpose and everything that I seem to give up on everything I start at the first sign of hardship. When I pick out something to do, I always think i could be doing something better. I have problems deciding. I constantly feel unloved and don’t know how to heal that without the help of others. I feel that this is partially the fault of reversed gender roles with mom being the silent more rigid one and dad being the very caring person and sometimes overaccomodating. When it looks like I will be […]
Not really in the mood to delve in the whys and where-to’s. About a month ago, now, I decided that perhaps it would be best to end my life. I’m setting into motion what I feel should be done before I leave, and it will take me a while. I have a lot of student loans, and if I die, I’m sure the burden may go to my family. I still need to find out how true this is. I also would like to help my mother pay for her house and get it together; she needs a few new appliances and perhaps I can […]
This shell I have is tough to crack, no one sees the pain just the smile. I cannot get the attention from anyone and I’m fine with that. But lately I’ve been getting withdrawn from people. Family, friends, work and I can feel what’s around the corner. The suicidal thoughts are ringing heavy and I have to play music louder to get rid of them. Surprisingly no one sees that I am changing and probably heading for the worst what holds me together is my immediate family. The only reason to live has been not to disappoint her. But I am losing touch with relationships, […]
I guess I realized I was different from the other kids around grade 4. I had big glasses, blonde hair, Scrawny, and a little bit on the short side. I grew up in a small town in a poor area in Vermont, pretty much in spitting distance of the Canadian border. My father is a city boy who grew up in Hartford Connecticut, My mother is a country girl from Brownington Vermont. Who I am is a direct result of their differences. My dialect is pure Vermonter, Until I get upset, Once that happens that Connecticut accent initiates full swing. Vermont is a strange place, […]
I seriously think I am throwing my life in the garbage, but sadness has eaten the last bit of awareness I had left in my brain and I discovered a profound love for drugs…. So I guess after the strong tides I’ve tried to swim through, it’s time I float on this raft for a while, just for a little bit. It makes me feel secure. I still see my dream island far in the horizon, but I need rest. I’ll have to start swimming again soon if I don’t want to be carried away on an unsafe shore. But for now, I am just […]