I could say that im stuck between moving back home and stay here and going to a shelter but im not. I don’t want to run back home after you hurt me for the millionth time…again i believed your lies at first. Then i knew they where lies but hoped maybe its not a lie this time. You say we can work it out but you cause me pain.. I dont hurt you.. If we switched roles.. If i lied throughout our whole relationship..maybe you would understand. Being with you adding more things to the list that triggers my ptsd. I hate myself for loving […]
Tag:
maybe
You could have it all, my empire of dirt,
I will let you down, I will make you hurt,
If I could start again, a million miles away,
I would keep myself, I would find a way.
The only way to love me is to never, ever know me.
If I only knew what to say, someone would actually listen.
If I only cared enough to try, someone would be here with me.
If I only fought harder, maybe I wouldn’t be this.
But everyone gives up eventually, and I guess I gave up a long time ago.
It’s too late for me now.
It’s time to become someone else.
And when I’ve […]
The time I started writing this. You’re supposed to make a wish at 11:11. In some ways, I’m selfish. I wish for a lot of things when this time comes round. And so far, I don’t think any of them have come true.
I still don’t feel comfortable in this fucking body. My gender makes no fucking sense. Dysphoria is a *****, and with fluid gender it fucking suck, because my body and gender never quite match.
It’s stuck in my head that everyone hates me. No-one bothers with me anymore, I’m just that fucked up kid that people put up with because I’m friends […]
I lost my soul when these two men came by on a Halloween night. I wasn’t afraid to walk alone, searching for some bathroom maybe close by the festival. They appeared out of no where and grabbed me in the corner of an isolated dead-end. The first one held a knife at my neck, telling me that if I made any sound, my life would end.
I lost my soul that night. Their filthy hands all over me, in my shirt, between my legs, in my pants. Their breath was smelling like alcohol and vomit. I tried to close my eyes so that I could maybe […]
my girlfriend and i decided a while ago to have a kid and eventually got pregnant. everything was fine until lately, when she got to the eighth month. she is now starting the ninth. see, both me and her suffer from mental illnesses, and in her case, she felt as if the embryo was protecting her, and so her illness disappeared, even if for a while. knowing she is gonna deliver soon, her illness is back. it was enough when both of us dealt with our difficulties before, but with a baby on our hands, that seems almost impossible. at least, that’s how things look […]
It gets a little easier to let go
I gotta stop being afraid to just step into the fray. Just completely let go.
Even if i fail the pain from the mistake would feel incredibly real. For once.
As nov. 2nd approaches i cant help but think of my recently passed cousin and how he helped me out so much. Was so free. I think about how he was in a car accident and how i want to experience it.
I know its fucked up thinking but what else is new..
Ah well this is just good venting. I’ll be making an hour trip back home tomorrow […]
I loved him until my last breath. I’m just so tired of hurting people. I fucked up. I hurt him badly. I didn’t mean to. He made me feel like I was worth something. Like I could do anything. He was the only one who made me feel that way. He hates me now. That’s okay. I hate me too. I always have. He made the voices go away. He made the nightmares go away. But now they’re back and stronger than ever. There’s something mesmerizing about blood running down a shower drain. Getting a little dizzy.. Maybe this is it. I’m sorry. You guys […]
this was briefly discussed in my last post but i figured id start a new post about it so it can reach as many ppl as possible like the title says i want to try and set up a regular movie night for SPers there a website called rabbit that allows shared streaming from any website and up to 15 ppl to chat while watching whatever if anyone has any ideas on how to make this happen my skype is hiitsme0819 i really hope we can make this happen the website has one main flaw where ppl cant get into the room unless the person […]
I almost can’t feel anything .. like the emptiness is taking over me .. and the lost is soo close ,, I can’t /don’t want To think anymore ,, it can be a little satisfying but soo … I don’t know what .! like a vortex .. maybe better to stay numb this way .. or I don’t know a thing anymore …
I’ve been a member of this site for about a year now and I’m just now posting for the first time. I was hoping beyond hope that maybe, just maybe, reading what everyone else had to say, what they deal with, how they cope, would make me realize that my life wasn’t as shitty as I thought it was. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Nothing seems to help. Normally I try to avoid talking in essays when I don’t need to, but in this case I’m going to say fuck it and just say what I want, because chances are I won’t be around much longer to […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m signing up for this leadership thing for school. I know, I know, doesn’t sound like the average fucked-up, depressed, anxious, and compulsive person, but maybe it’s a step in the right direction? Thing is, I’m competing with a ton of other people in my school for this, so we’re writing an essay to see who wins the sponsorship from a local charity. It’s a camp, and I’m just guessing it’s way outside the money my dad and I have, so this is my only chance. What I mean to do is ask if anybody can help me with maybe the direction I want to […]
i just was thinking … why this site is named ‘suicideproject’ … maybe its a stupid question … but i just wanted to know …
i’ve seen some posts here about how to make a suicide success ..
maybe it’s not my business …
but i guess you should not replay to these posts with a help .. i guess you should help to wash away that suicide idea not to help it accomplished ..
sorry if i am bothering ..
-i need help. i don’t know if i want it. i don’t know if i’m ready for it. i don’t know the right way to get it. i just know i need it. i don’t know who i am. i don’t feel like a living person. my mind doesn’t exist inside my body now. i live in an illusion. i feel connected to the world, but i’m alone in a box with nobody else. my best friends don’t exist. they’re maybe out there somewhere but i haven’t met them. i won’t meet them. i’d give anything to meet them and have them in my life. […]
She stands there as the wind blows past her face. The rush of the air is nothing compared to that of her heart. Does this really excite her? Standing here as the world rushes by her, and thinking that if she took that step this could all end. Oh, she’s “okay” nothing terribly terrible’s happened to her recently and she has school and that lovely man waiting at home for her every night. So why does she stand here? Why do these demons infest her? Why is it that she can’t seem to stay happy anymore, or just get up and work. She knows what […]
As I watched my husband walk out of the door, leaving my daughter crying for him to “take me with you” or “don’t go daddy” it hit me like a brick. I was that little girl. I cried for my daddy to stay….. My husband has worked for almost 3 weeks straight. Nights. Not by choice. But tonight, his first night off, he chose to go to a sporting event. My daughter’s heart was/is broken. She cried for an hour, I cried with her. Unable to comfort her because I was hurting too. I tried to explain to my husband but he just got mad […]
i want to yell scream at the top of my lungs let them know how im really doing give them a chance to save me a chance to reach out and offer another option just one reason to stay a chance to show me someone out there still cares but i cant find the words dont know how to get it all off my mind without seeming like im just fishing for attention but maybe i need a little attention maybe i need the people in my life to let me know i still matter
I think I’m gonna do something called my “Rear End Review” every Jan 31st
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
a word play on year end review. I’m also gonna post a Menstral Monthy (funny terms for an unhappy life) on here too and share with the world about how my life is going. Maybe ill do it in poetry form or something. I guess I’ll go ahead and do October
Its October, fall is here
I’m a sad ************ just like last year
Laying in bed, to broke to shed a tear
Plagued by loneliness, fear, I need a beer
i can’t steer my life in the right direction
Crashing, mental paralysis, major depression
the infections from all the constant past rejections
Erase my mind, I don’t want no recollection
This month has been a […]
Someone I love nearly died a week ago from today. I had a person that I developed a friendship with the past year and a half. They helped me out a lot, and quite honestly they surprised me. But when I was in the emergency room and I called them and texted them that I needed them I got no answer. They never bothered to see how I was doing or what had happened. But they had the time to get on social media but couldn’t bother to reply to me. I almost lost someone I loved and I was alone there was no one […]