Life feels like this. When you were born it was like someone pushed you into the water. Maybe it would end up good, and you would enjoy the swim. Some might struggle to float or wouldn’t like being in the water. And for some other like me, there’s a hand pushing me down under the water, desperately wanting me to drown, but life went on and on without end, the hand keeps pushing down, and here I am just struggling to survive. But we all know, death will win in the end. Why not end it sooner?
Tag:
maybe
After stating nearly a month ago that I wanted to participate in this community more, I’ve been silent. Part of it, I’m only slightly ashamed to admit, is damage to my ego: for some odd reason, I thought people would care more. That’s not supposed to an accusation against you, please understand: it’s just me overestimating my value. Overestimating myself has happened more often than I’d like.
Regardless, the majority reason I didn’t follow through on coming around here more is that my mood rebounded. September 2015 has gone really well for me: pretty much everything has broken my way, starting with getting closure on a […]
I’ve been going on and off this site for the past few days wanting to say something, but I just can’t find the way to do it. I’ve been having a lot of problems lately, and it seems I’m falling into depression once again, like if happiness was nothing but a dream, and when you think you’re grasping it, it just gets away from you. The only thing that I’m certain of is that I’m alone yet again, or I’m about to be. Alcohol wasn’t the solution to my problems, and I found out that the harsh way. Apparently I’m replaceable too; I’m noticing I […]
Girls don’t like me I’m average looking maybe better than average to some girls. They don’t like me. Guys don’t want to be friends with me girls don’t want to be friends with me people don’t want to hang out with me because I’m not cool enough for them. That being said I’m a nice guy I give money to people I buy ************’s coffee at Starbucks I give money to hobos I treat people with respect I’m companionate why isn’t that enough?
You’ll find a rooftop to sing from
Or find a hallway to dance
You don’t need an edge to cling from
Your heart it’s there, it’s in your hands
I know it seems like forever
I know it seem like an age
But one day this will be over,
I swear it’s not so far away
-Florence and the Machine
Sorry, that was kind of random, but I think of this when I’m really down and thought maybe they could make someone feel a little better/
well something interesting happened to me today. I still feel depressed for having to reject a situation but I think its worth it in the end đ maybe im the one choosing to be lonely now but im not sure.i don’t think so. just as long as I attracted positive energy, I viewed life differently and got what I asked for, which I later regretted. but once you do become positive, things will turn around. just had to vent I still feel like an idiot. I don’t know I don’t want to be alone but I want to.someone feel this way? or just lonely.? im […]
 In the past week I have lost almost everyone…everything. For a while, weeks, months, years maybe, I’ve been wanting to escape. Escape it all…all at once. The pain. The fear. The loss. The confusion. The depression. Everything. Gone. But how? There’s so much to leave behind but so much to let go. How do you grow the courage to make your decision?
Spent the past weeks in hospital after yet another failed attempt at taking my life. I wanna turn my life around. Maybe it ain’t my time to go yet. I’m still going to give life another shot. Got a great job offer. Will start as soon as I leave the hospital.
Suicidal thougts still linger in my head but I made them my ally now. They are pretty managable. I still hope to work to earn enough money for a peaceful exit. But until then, there’s a lot of ass I gotta kick and there’s also a whole lot of ass to admire lol. đ I […]
Does anyone else go through the cycle of getting your life back on track and at that precise moment fucking it up all over again, then having to claw it back? I’m a middle aged person, somewhat successful in a career, yet never fully achieving my potential, really just getting by. I’ve suffered non specific, non diagnosable illness most of my adult life (ibs, cfs, etc) and have fought and fought and fought against them. On many occasions I have wanted out, and only came close once to attempting. I’ve done research and am confident I can do it if I have the resolve. Recently […]
So I stumbled across this site on one of my darkened days. I haven’t slept, ate, or drank anything in two days. My world came crashing down the day I found my mother outside dead from a shot gun to the chest. At first I was in shock, never saw that coming in a million years. my momma was the type of person who loved life, cherished every moment of it. but just like that, she decided she couldn’t take the pain away. she left me, alone, in this world with nothing and no one. I cant bare this pain that I’ve been going through, […]
I don’t know but it’s some place I didn’t ever imagine I’d be. I always felt like I got dealt a shit hand in life and that no matter what I did nothing good would come my way. I half ass tried and dragged ass through life aimlessly, I couldn’t even be bothered to care about myself. I guess I never truly felt loved or wanted  so maybe on a subconscious level I felt I didn’t deserve to feel that for myself. I cared and loved in all the wrong ways for all the wrong people. I got hurt so bad that it felt like […]
I always wished to be invisible when in class but for some Reason I going what I wanted but not the way I wanted I was always noticed by my pears and unnoticed my my family or maybe just ignored I don’t know I have depression also I’m dyslexic and have dyslexic it’s “OK” to have dyslexica and have dyslexic but depression NOOOOO! That can’t be how can the people how love you not notice that I have something wrong with me I admit I’m good at hiding things or trying to ” thanks to school” but we see each other everyday just HOW ?. […]
I feel very depressed when I look at my 17-year-old self and remember the hasty choices that I made regarding my career. I’ve ever been very responsible with my school activities and, indeed, I’ve ever excelled; however, fear and anxiety usually devoured my guts so that I couldn’t take the risks and apply to a more profitable major/career at college. When I see my friends who weren’t afraid, chose the right thing and succeeded, I do just want to die; because time doesn’t go back and it sounds like I threw all my opportunities away. Today I’m 27 and I see no other solution than starting again from zero; […]
Do we have any other way of connecting to people from SP? Like a chat room or channel? I thought I saw something like that a couple months ago here. Or maybe it is illegal or something, I don’t know.
I’m testing tomorrow to graduate, sure it’s with a GED, but it’s more than I’ve ever expected to do in life.
Like I’ve said before, I never imagined living past a certain age… But to be turning 17 next month, and to be graduating this month… It feels so unreal. I’ve already been asked so many times what I plan to major in, but honestly I’m not sure what I want to do with a life I didn’t even want to keep. I want to make a difference, I really do, but I’m just one person y’know? and I don’t know exactly how I’m going to […]
i don’t know, i’m not even that old. but life just seems so tiring and pointless, every day, i do the same thing, and i don’t even do it well, and i just can’t find the energy to do anything. yet in front of everyone i have to put up a smile, and act like i’m ok with this life. and maybe i need to quote megan louisa garcia when i say it seems like right now, the most i can hope for is persevering through life, not enjoying it, not living it, and that’s really not what i want. at times, i just feel […]
So… i love a boy… but in the last 2 weeks and even today…
He’s causing so much pain in me…
And i’m standing here knowing i have to make a choice…
A girl, is sleeping in his apartment, she’s the type of girl that dates a different guy every month…
I really don’t like her
I want to trust that he will not cheat on me…
But i simply can’t do it, this is killing me everyday…
When i thought everything was going to get better…
It got a lot worst instead…
I’m so frustrated with all that…
I’m trying to be sober and all that […]
yes, unfortunatly my love story ended before it even started.. i feel destroyed, depressed, dead.. in every possible way..i knew that i will end.. i didn’t want it of course but i knew it will happen..cause all my life i never had something so beautiful and amazing, before i met him.. we stayed together almost a year.. full of good things and bad ones, we had dreams like any couple, maybe ours were bigger, but all i know that we had that feeling between us, that feeling that no other word can describe it.. MORE THAN LOVE.. PASSION.. but we used to fight a […]
I’m staring at the new cut on my upper arm, and I’m numb. I’ve just finished writing a text so someone I thought I could trust, who chose a guy over my friendship, and I’m numb. I just dropped one of my courses, because I couldn’t handle a full-time course load, and I’m numb. Maybe I’ll never feel again. Or maybe tonight will be the night, and I won’t have to worry about the fact that my SSI will be there and gone on the 1st. Well, really, either way I’d never feel again. I think I’m out of […]
I noticed that this group has some of the most undersranding, intelligent, and empathetic people thst I ever came across. I wonder…..maybe we are the ones that are sane but suffer from mental illnesses because we are in a world where the vast majority of humans are nut jobs. Think about it – look how shallow, mean, and ignorant most people outside this group are?