Ive been afraid to post here because that will mean the depression is surely back – well this sucks, I can think of a plethora of triggers that may have caused this to start. I don’t know what I am expecting from you all, maybe a little support, a little hope. Im afraid this might be the straw that breaks the camels back. So much pressure right now in my senior year at college, looking to apply to grad school and all I can think of right now is what kind of knot to use in my noose.. I feel so crappy.
Ive pondered suicide countless time and time again but somehow i never can go though with it. I feel so alone and in such a big world where no one else is like me. Everyone is either to good for me or doesnt want anything to do with me. I try so hard to put a smile on my face everyday and please and brighten everyone eleses days around me yet somehow i never get the same in return. I dont want to sound like a brat because i knew many people are so much worse off then i amci just cant stop […]
Forcing my self to sleep… Hope sleep finds me and never leaves… I havent even slept… And yet… im already dreading to wake up… Maybe tonight would be special… If im lucky… I dont have to go through another day pretending to live.
People like us. Only we understand each other. we lie everytime someone asks us “how are you” and we say “fine”. No one else gets that this life, this world the way it is, is a pointless existence that we shouldn’t be forced to go through, but here we are. Nobody else gets it. Maybe we are the smart ones. We are.
Everybody always says that’s committting suicide is the wrong thing to do, but what if it’s actually the right thing to do? What if that’s how we make it to somewhere good after we die? Maybe after people die naturally they don’t go to heaven or wherever you go because they didn’t kill themselves? I’m just saying this and I know some people might disagree, but just think about it. What if suicude is the right choice?
Everyday I think about killing myself and I think I’m coming closer to doing it. But maybe it’s what I’m supposed to do. I’ll at least be happy.
do we lose people in order to teach ourselves to be stronger because the people we lost were the ones we were maybe too close with? Unhealthily relied on people? To teach ourselves you can’t become this dangerously close with someone? Or do we lose people because the human race is selfish and one person is always giving more than they’re getting until ultimately the other person won’t give anything back at all?
I need to clarify things. Everything is messed in my mind. I have gone through enough of illusions so I don’t want to fall for another one. My experience isn’t for nothing, it teaches me what NOT to do or which among my thoughts is another illusion. But.. this job has changed a lot of things. It was guilt, fear and worthlessness that were making me suffer all these years, and from that suffering were arising my desires for higher things. With this job that guilt is gone, and so is gone my craving for higher things. But there is no satisfaction! Where is my […]
This time of year always fucks me up, the goddamn school year is starting again. I don’t know, when I look back, the year don’t seem so bad but its the before and during that makes me wanna kill myself? If that makes any sense? Like the anticipation of knowing my anxiety levels will be off the roof again? Knowing that I will be aware of every move and word that comes from my mouth? Knowing that nothing really matters yet I fuckin care and make myself think that I need to impress and make sure people don’t get a hint that I actually want […]
I don’t have a lot of friends and it stinks because here lately I have needed someone to tell me to stay but no one is there. Maybe any of you could just help me by being my friend. Message me on Kik if you can. My name is Chipmunk0529
This random graffito caught my eye while out for a jaunt tonight.
I think it sums up much perfectly. Were all alone, fighting with tears streaming down our face. But I see you.
(background music for those inclined)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FqmJy8HzQI
I haven’t posted or commented in a while. (Trips, Birthday, Best friends wedding, another wedding tomorrow…) But I see you. Serendipitous, one of Salt’s songs just started while on random.
Some days I think depression, loneliness won’t get the best of me. Most, other days, I’m not so sure. Is loneliness a […]
“Finally you are about to make it. Your life is in your hands and you’re decided to put an ending on it right now. But for some reason you don’t do it. You wait. You say to yourself repeatedly that that moment of despair will pass, and it does. You lied to yourself again. That moment where you were about to stop your suffering is gone. But you know you didn’t overcome it, you just forgot. Forgot for a brief and crucial moment that unbearable feeling, which was enough not for killing yourself momentaneously.
Your problems still are with you, your pain is lodged in […]
My gender kind of really gets me down, which causes me to freak out and cut, to feel a little bit better. And I feel like I don’t want to live if I don’t know who I am, and I can’t live like this much longer.
I identify as genderfluid or genderflux, but use she/her pronouns in everyday life (mainly because no-one knows). I hate the fact that I don’t feel I can be open about my gender, because of my family. They’d be okay with it, but I just wouldn’t want them to treat me differently.
I don’t know whether I want to start […]
Right now I’m 16 and turning 17 on March. So the plan is to me nice to as many people as I can possibly be and then kill myself. Why? because I’m afraid of being judged both religious wise and Hunan wise.
None of you now my backstory. So just recently I’ve found out my whole life as been a lie. My dad divorced my mother before I was even born, because of me. Also my whole family (excluding my mother) wanted me dead, again before I was even born. And the worst part it that they pertain to care about me.
So I was unloved even […]
A peasant from a thousands of years ago
I’m falling in a south-west
Somewhere, with fast speed internet
And then you’ll be, alright
I want to, maybe an Argonian
For so long ago
Shooting lighting and breathing fire
I’m so quick but doesn’t exist
Autumn is coming and farewell to you
.
.
I don’t have anyone and I’m just not sure why. I try so hard and get nothing in return. It’s gotten to me recently and I’ve come to the realization that I have no one and nothing. I feel like I’m done for good this time. Maybe it’s for the better.
But I simply don’t have the guts to say it to your faces.
To my best friend,
I had a crush on you for the past three years, and never told you, mainly because I thought it would ruin our friendship. Although you didn’t know it, you made things quite difficult for me over those three years, because I felt like I was wrong for liking you. But I’m over it now, and I’m a lot happier for it. But you also make me feel like shit about myself, with your ‘oh look, I ran really far today!’ and your ‘look at me, I can eat […]
Anyone ever read tht book, it literally kills me deep inside by mentioning how i actually feel abt death and now it sucks, i cant get over the bk, or, maybe this life, this death thingy .
Wow. Death.
my life matters. to my girlfriend and her son anyway. i am fighting for them. also, im scared of death. doctors might be able to help me one day. i will keep looking for a job, and not end it all just yet. maybe never.
of my 31 years on this earth, I had brief moments of happiness as a small child but never lasted due to my chaotic family situation. Maybe an average of just alittle under a month a year. After that – May 1995, July 1995, March-May 1998, March-May 1999, April-October 2002, September-December 2006 and November-December 2011. I’m not even sure if I was truly happy than ether because my life has been so miserable I can’t tell the difference sometimes. Those dates I pointed out were more or less when my life was not a living hell.
how about yall?
Does anyone else feel like even the people you are closest to hate you the most? I feel like everyone secretly hates me and wouldn’t at all mind if I were to kill myself. Like it would be good for all of us. One less annoying person to deal with, one less person to waste your breath and opinions on. One less person to look down on. My suffering will end, it will end soon enough and everyone would be at their happiest. I just don’t think I will be able to find a purpose. It’s impossible.
Maybe life, isn’t for everyone.