I get told I’m fat. I weigh 130 with a height of 5’6.5″ I now eat small portions, try not to eat anything in between meals, and I go to bed at night and dream of the food I could eat. I get up from the table and feel so hungry. I want to eat so much more but I can’t let myself eat. I have a congressional debate meet this friday-saturday. We can’t wear bracelets…. I will be so vulnerable I’m not looking forward to it. I got told today that I work too hard and need to stop trying so hard. I study […]
Well, it’s been about two weeks. As with most things in life, I failed to remove myself from it. A week in the hospital and the doctors are still calling it an accidental overdose. I think that they are in denial. How could “someone with so much to live for and so much going on possibly want to kill themselves. It doesn’t add up.” At least, that’s what they’ve been telling themselves. I can go home tomorrow. My kidney’s are recovering though I’ll be on alert the rest of my life, however long or short that is, to make up for the damage caused by […]
Somewhere in Norway, or Sweden or Canada. It’s clear water, maybe in the mountains and it snows during winter. And you can go fishing there, I’ve never been fishing but I would learn how to. A cat and a dog, we would do long walks along the lake in summer, and when it’s cold outside we’d cuddle by the fire with lots of blankets and hot chocolate. I’d even grow my own food if I had to, just a small garden with vegetables. I would have […]
Way back when, when I was young, people used to read. Not forum posts, not news headlines. This thing called books. Maybe some can remember them.
Now I had a pretty shitty childhood. But I loved reading. I read all kinds. It opens the mind, it creates ideas. It makes shitty reality go away for a while so you have time to recover.
It just seems to me that so many young people these days suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. It is a result of modern society. I just wonder if a bit of old-fashioned reading won’t make things more manageable.
probably gonna sound stupid or whiney or that i should mind my own business but this place is for me to get my emotions out right. so hats what im going to do.this isn’t aimed at anyone person in particular. im just torn up about a post on here
i felt better this last so many days i thought what i have been saying was true. but was it. i mean how come he had to wait nearly about hour for a reply, no one even tried, i replied too late what if i could of helped what if he’s dead.not a single person. […]
I assemble pieces of me life together every morning. Pieces that are so fragile I’m afraid they won’t last for long. They don’t even fit well anymore. There are so many pieces missing,lost some where along the way.
I go through life carefully trying to keep the pieces together.
And every night as I get home the pieces silently fall apart. Maybe tomorrow there will be no more pieces left to assmble.
If we all think as the same, does that mean we don’t have a thoughts of our own?
Why? Why does my mind keeps poping these unwanted thoughts uncontrollably? Is someone controlling me? I’m not saying I’m in any way of an importance for anyone to give a shit about me, but what the fuck is going on in my mind? Within trillions of strange brain waves gashing inside of my brain, what exactly is going on inside of my head? I have terrible chest pain. How am I supposed to feel better or be ”alright” if I all I do is want to jump off of a cliff […]
I survived a rather serious attempt on my own life almost exactly 15 years ago. To be honest, there have been a lot of times since that I have felt truly sorry I failed. Unfortunately, it seems like this is more and more the case.
At any rate, I thought I would try to participate in this community a bit. If you are reading this, you are already probably aware that “normal” people don’t understand what this is like. Indeed, they freak out. Maybe there will be some […]
Even in the worst days, I would try my best not to think about suicide, but damn, maybe it’s just the shitty me or it’s just the universe that has some kind of beef with me for some reason. There’s always some fresh new shit that the universe, life, throws at me every single day. I am exhausted to the core of my soul, if there is any, or it might already be in hell, for all I know.
Being an adult you thought that maybe with age you will have courage, freedom and strength, but who knew, all you develop is […]
I have an abusive partner, rarely physical abuse. It’s abuse which is carefully engineered to hurt me from within. Emotional abuse is the worst form I believe. It destroys your mind and leaves you with numbness. Everyday I suffer, in one way or another. I feel myself getting closer and closer to the point of no return. The one thing keeping me here is my son. I’m beginning to feel even he would be better without all of this. Maybe he can then have a happy childhood.
I have no family, I have no friends, this account and post was created in secret. I know it’s […]
Im so isolated. Everything i do is meaningless. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe there in lays the beauty.
I found the perfect bridge the george westinghouse memorial bridge and was thinking of just ending it tomorrow. Thanks to the hackers and their hacking tricks and my manic behavior I managed to get in a situation where I’m facing serious jail time maybe life, and I don’t think I have it in me to do it. Due to their P.R campaign everyone thinks I’m some psycho beyond redemption and they intend to crucify me despite never having a prior record. I just can’t deal with this anymore. It’s the perfect height the success rate is very good. I can’t hang myself I’ve tried, but […]
‘tamaka’
where’s a mod at
I failed since day zero
the zero, the zero-child
I smile, I am not alive
chained to the earth
from the sky, fell celestial
flower, vanquish already yours
in this age, I am no longer
such irony, hoping for a phoenix for the elite
I need to get a wagon but I need someone by the fire
and our glocks by a wire, a grand a month before it explodes
I need you now; Tamaka, from East-South America
by the wire, under the stars, singing in golden sands
now for ever before, derailed to the never land
in hope to persist till the end […]
Um so.. I’ve been suicidal (on and off) ever since I can remember. I’m turning 22 next month and so I don’t have long, I don’t want to live past my birthday. Preferably, it’s when I’d like to leave this planet.
I’m not sad or angry or frustrated. I can deal with that. I feel like I’m holding my breath, waiting for that gasp of fresh air to bring me back to life. I feel crippled and it’s starting to effect work, work of which I hate doing ofcourse, I hate it all let’s be honest. this life thing isn’t for me, I’ve had a taste, […]
I am suddenly compelled to post this. Maybe someone other than me needs to see it, I don’t really know. But I follow my intuitions, trouble or not.
-peace
Today is my birthday.im twenty two.twenty two and unmedicated and suicidal.but heres the thing i dont know if I’ll ever complete suicide.i tell myself i will and i even get as close to swallowing pills or standing on a bridge.but the thing is i seek help or i wait to long and help arrives.on wendsday i want to kill myself but my mind jumps ahead to overdosing and seeking. Help right. After.i believe a lot of this is fear based and this is a cry for help.i just don’t know how. To ask for it ecspecially seeing as the only help the er will offer […]
I left for a while because I thought my life was getting better. I had my suicide planned but didn’t go through with it. My financial situation improved and things were almost looking up. Mom’s health has been returning and some of the people living with us moved out.
But then I received a dose of soul crushing reality today that just threw me right back to the end of the line. I made a post about this before but here’s a recap : I’ve never had luck with love. My love has mostly been unrequited. I’ve been in love for the past two years […]
i really feel like shit. i cry all the time when i’m alone. i wanna cut, but i’m trying to stop for my friends and bf. i find it hard to trust people, bc all of them who have been broken promissis. i’m trying this, bc maybe it helps idk. but i have to do at least one thing to try to stop.
thx for let me share Xx
I keep making the same mistake. I keep looking for intimacy in random hook ups, like it’s the spark of life, but it’s hurting me. I’m putting my body through abuse, and my friends are scared of me. They don’t understand why I’m doing it and they keep away from me. I’ve been with so many girls and guys, broken my heart over and over, and I’ve swallowed so many pills but can’t die.
For 10 years it’s been an endless cycle of pain and numbing that pain. It’s maddening. I want to get out. I want to have friends. Get a girlfriend. Be happy where […]
he won’t talk to me, won’t realize how much I love him and care, has his head so far up his sperm donor’s ass, my family and ‘friends’ ignore me, even my cries for help. I am surprised they haven’t repo my car yet. so here’s what I got. I’ve done lots of research so it should work. pure caffeine powder, iron pills, Aleve, diphenhydramine, caffeine pills, lamictal… an overdose of just a single one of those could be lethal according to what I have learned, so let’s hope this cocktail works. maybe then people I know will realize that this isn’t the way […]