Fighting echoed though my house and ears. Screaming and yelling from my younger brothers mouths, screaming “I hate you!” “I wish you were never born!!” “Your stupid!”. All because you messed up, you made a mistake on a video game, geeze why this again? You never had suicidal thoughts before, where did you get the thought? You went up to your room silently screaming. You tried to drown but chickened out, you grabbed a belt and tightened it around your throat but the closet poll wasn’t high enough, you got another thought, you grabbed a razor you thought it wouldn’t cut good enough so you […]
Every since I was little, I’ve never wanted to be me. To be me is to always be depressed, always sad, always morose.
Life has made me into a dark ball of anger and hate, and jaded beyond the moons. I do not hate all of me, but I’m tired of most of me- the me that is non-functional, the me that keeps me in the doldrums, the me that keeps myself prisoner in my own mind.
Sigh. I’d rather trade me to be a “happy healthy idiot.”
Here is me.
I am like the Great Attractor for bullies
Everybody around me are either sadists, bullies or a quiet bystander.
People accuse ME of something that I did NOTHING wrong.
I am suffering from severe depression.
I have thought about at least 3 suicidal thoughts when I go to school.
I HATE school.
99% of the time when I get bullied or when I fall down or get a cut NOBODY helps me.
Teachers do nothing about the bullying or sometimes even bully me.
People don’t quite understand me.
I get bullied AT LEAST 5 TIMES A DAY.
I am NOT exaggerating.
I just (by “just” I meant a week ago) took an online test, it said I am Type IV gifted! “The type IV gifted are the angry and […]
There’s some discussion as to what bah looks like. I’ll tell you what bah looks like. Here you go folks:
This is Me:
This is Me most days:
This is me every day. Never. fitting. in.
And while we’re at it, I found a picture of Cordless online. This is what […]
I just stumbled across the site two days ago. Decided to start posting today. I have to say it helps. Trying to help others feel better makes me feel better, for now. I guess it is why I have a degree in Psychology. That I don’t use anymore because of chronic illness. Oh well, none about that. I am going to try to go to sleep with thoughts of sunshine and light. lol Thank y’all.
Well, it’s the third day since I’ve left my dad’s house, yesterday I was very confident that everything would work just fine, now I’m not that sure… I’ve been feeling simply terrible since that, I simply don’t know what to do, which way to follow, I just want want someone to speak with, but who would want to be with me at a time like that? Even I don’t want to, I wish I could simply feel better but I can’t I don’t know for sure what’s wrong, but I’m sure something is just off… so many months and years having my feelings only for […]
my life was good when i was little. i am 13 years old now. my mom is an alcoholic and i don’t see her anymore. she used to beat me and my sister and my brother, and tell us we are worthless and her drinking problem is all our faults. my dad took us away from her, then i was diagnosed to ptsd, a stress disorder. i hate acting happy, and i feel so alone. i kinda think this isn’t going to help me at all, but i need to try it because i ran out of options and I’m really close to ending life. […]
She smiles through a thousand tears,
and harbors adolescent fears.
she dreams of all that she can never be;
she wades in insecurity
and hides herself
in
me.
Honestly, whats the point anymore? i hate life, and life hates me, who gives a damn if i go to hell. im already living in it, i can deal with it. And i wouldnt doubt it being better than my own pathetic life. If anyway i wanna go is going to be overdosing, cuz my mom has a big bottle of sleeping pills, and i could easily kill the whole bottle. Cant do a rope, since i dont know how to tie a noose, and i dont know where i could i put the rope, to hold my fat ass. Cutting too deep, i dont […]
To be honest with you, I don’t remember the first time I did it. I never really cut at first.. It was more like scratching. I used to get my key and scratch my arm with it. It hurt… That was all I wanted at the time. That began over a year ago.
Why did I do it, you may ask..? Well I felt so helpless, I had no control over anything in my life and I thought that it would help, but it was more than that too! I felt numb. Nothing made me feel anything, but when I scratched myself, I felt pain… And […]
I don’t know where to go from here. Last night my mother found my instagram page. It had nothing bad on it but she freaked out. Look at my account is Mozar121. Anyways then she wanted to all of my accounts to everything, my email, facebook, everything and when I told her no she didn’t like that and told me to move out. I said I will if that means I don’t have to see you and then I was walking out the door when my dad showed up. We talked for a while which I never do but I told him somethings I’ve never […]
I think I might try in a couple days…
It’s earlier than I expected but I can’t handle this anymore…
Goodbye everyone… I hope you just follow your hearts…
~E
My wrist lifelessly dangled off the edge of the porcelain tub; a stream of red tracing the lines on my hand. A pool of crimson waited below. The bath water looked like a distilled merlot. I lay silently, salty tears racing down my face. My mascara sat idly under my eyes tired of running. With the little will I had left, I turned my head to look at the self inflicted mutilations. The word “ Help†was carved into my soft, white, flesh. Under that, “Save ME†screamed for some attention, fresh blood still dripping down from the bottom of the E. My head jolted […]
This isn’t really something I usually do, I’m more of the “bottle it up” kind of guy, but I really need to get this out and Google led me here as an appropriate place to do so. It’s up to you if you want to read all this, but at least if you do, I have some validation of my efforts. Which I imagine would be nice.
Well… here goes.
I should be happy or satisfied enough really, shouldn’t I?
I mean, I did life right. I left school, got a steady dead end job and got myself a place to live independently. In this […]
This is me on a good day, if I’m lucky.
I just want someone who can trust and beaccepted by. I feel like no one cares about me and if I were to die tonight nobody would notice. I hate myself for being so lonely.
Heya. Â It’s me. Â I don’t really know what to put now that I’m trying to..
Let’s start with school (?) then home I guess.
Everyday I put on a pair of skinny jeans; most of the time they are plaid or a cool color like a greenish-blue, but other times its just blue jeans. Â Then a shirt which is either a band shirt that is too tight or one of my other shirts (including some band tees) that are way too loose. Â I have no shirts that actually fit me. Â Then I go to bathroom for hair and makeup. Â I almost always put on black eyeliner that […]
It has come to my attention that my disease is never going away. It is incurable. I’ve recently talked to a woman that is now 83, who has been on pills for this since she was 18. I’m 16. Never again can i spend the night, spur of the moment. If i miss too many pills they tell me my body will go into shock. That’s nice. I’m worried about my future, can i even have a child? I’ve researched that it may be complicated, depending. I have a higher chance for getting cancer. I have a chance of going blind. All these nice little […]
Is it normal… to look in the mirror and not see yourself in the reflection?
Having been so caught up in everyone’s “expectation†of you. To have completely lost yourself trying to be what everyone else wanted you to be?
Every night you dream of this life, you could NEVER have, but every day you long for it.
You have all these hopes… dreams… ideas… that you want to fulfill but just not enough time to do so.
Then you go to sleep… still having yet to achieve anything extraordinary in your life, waking up in the morning realizing your one day closer to […]
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