I thought it was going to be Just another normal day in my life today. But No think again honey. I had the busiest and most stressful day of my year so far, it went from a pop-quiz, to a partner project with someone who never does anything and I was assigned them so I “could help them understand the topic and language because I understand it so well.” getting into a fight with a douche bag boy in the hallway, then went to a workout session, to a soccer game, to basketball practice, where I didn’t arrive home until 9:30 at night, I still […]
Where? Where was God when the bastard my brothers call ‘dad’ was hurting me? Where was he when my brother’s hand was getting burned? When Mom was beating the shit out of me? When they took me from my brothers? When my best friend and Dad were dying? I don’t fucking know. I wish i did but I don’t. I wish I believed in him everyday. I wish Mom loved me. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts in my head. I wish so many things I can’t have. But most importantly… I wish i was dead, that i never existed. That Mom would have had […]
Is it fair that I blame my mom for what happened? I mean after all, she does have 4 child and she needed to work, right? She needed to be out, RIGHT? But what about me? Was it my fault for wearing such short skirts and shorts? Is it possible that I actually provoked him? What if I had trusted someone? If maybe I hadn’t been so damn scared, then maybe, just maybe Mom would love me, right? Stupid hope. She’s always trying to get in and then karma -like the ***** she is- comes around and destroys it. Of course Mom would never love […]
Mom I need help.
*rolls up sleeve
Mom I can’t stop.
*pulls out blade from pocket
Mom please help me.
*falls to knees and starts to cry
Mom why don’t you understand.
Mom why do you say it’s a phase.
Mom I’ve been like this for ages.
Mom just listen.
Mom don’t leave.
Fine, mom I’ll fix myself.
But mom, no promises.
24 years old female. My life has two parts: Happy with obstacles for 14 years and been miserable for the other ten years.
Before you read, please don’t forget that my experiences that I’m going to write, happened when I was a child and in my teens. So evaluate them according to my age that time.
Happy with obstacles happenings:
* At the age 4, my parents divorced. I’m with my mom since then..
* My father was away in another city but we adored each other so much and he was proud with all the qualities I have. We spent the summer holiday and semesters together. […]
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Before I found The SP page, I would write all my thoughts down in my “journal”. I use the term lightly because really it was a death diary. I wrote all my reasons I cut that day or why I was feeling really down that day and since I found this website, I haven’t been writing in it. So I was going through my journal today and I read this one message I wrote a few months back and I would like to post it on here. So here it goes.
“It is summer time and my mom wanted to take a family vacation. So on […]
I’m so fucking fed up with everything right now. My parents are driving me fucking crazy by being goddamn indecisive and they won’t tell me what the fuck is going on. Why do you have to play this stupid game?! Why can’t you tell me what’s going on? Why can’t you try to help me instead of putting such pointless weight on me that I can’t do anything about. Stop it. JUST STOP IT!
I’m fucking depressed enough. I’m already batshit crazy and this doesn’t fucking help. It doesn’t help that I don’t have anybody to talk to. It doesn’t help that all of this makes […]
I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. […]
Mom, dad. You two have hurt me so much that I can’t feel anything anymore. From a young age, you beat all the emotion out of me, to the point where I can’t even tell if I’m happy or sad anymore. Mom, dad, from this day on, you’re dead to me.
Hi! I’m going to remain anonymous but I’m a 13-year-old bigender person who has never really been happy. I doubt I’ll ever post here again because I have other places to vent (where I’ve posted this, but I feel really bad so I’m gonna write it again. For some reason it makes me feel better), and I prioritize those places. Anyway, here is me.
I was born to my dating high-school-sweethearts mother and father. They lived with my mom’s mother for two years after that before getting an apartment together (with me, of course). They didn’t love each other anymore. My dad says they weren’t even […]
I shall never have the guts to tell you this but I’m sorry to have inherited your unhappy traits. However, I want to assure you that I’m going to end this “unhappy breed” in my generation. I’m so sorry to have questioned you why you brought me to this world. I can guess as a mother, it must have hurt you very much. I’m even sorrier that the question came from the bottom of my heart. I’d like you to know that every time you leave my room after a bitter conversation with me and sob in the middle of the night in the kitchen, […]
I fell the pain vibrating in my skull.
I just clench my jaw and force the smile to stay on my face.
The voices ask why I even continue.
Well the singing wills me to stay strong just a little longer.
It takes an army to build me up.
But it only takes a few to knock me down.
What’s encouraging me to stay?
My mom once told me the most selfish thing you can do is take your own life.
I once said I took eight Advils.
She said she would give me the Heimlich right there at that moment.
Maybe life’s hard right now. But it’s not forever.
Some day I’ll leave this life.
And […]
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I’ve been at my real dads since June 24 and I’m leaving August 3.
My mom has been verbally and mentally abusive for all of my life. She threatens to physically abuse me all the time. She led me to believe that my dad never cared about me and that he cheated on her with my stepmom.
That wasn’t the case nor did my dad ever do that. It’s got worse recently which is why I’m up here with my dad. I would call my stepmom everyday crying. My dad found out what she recently has done ( she was making others and friends believe I’m psychotic […]
Today is my mum’s birthday and I feel so let out of everything.
I mean, I know she doesn’t like me that much but is it really necessary to completely ignore me?
I just want something. Something to show me that I’m still here, because sometimes I’m so alone, i forget other people exist.
Just random, everyday thoughts.
-V
Part of my ongoing journey includes long periods of insomnia. Since the last prolonged period, a couple of weeks ago, I am finding a bit more rest, or have been able to find a deeper sleep for a few hours at a time.
Mom died in April 2013. For those who don’t know, following all of my heart related trauma and becoming disabled, I had been her companion/caregiver for the last 2.5 years of her life. The two of us lived alone in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, halfway between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, as her dementia worsened.
I miss her so much. I often joke […]
I’m here because I don’t want to die. I want to believe that I have something to offer this world, and that my current suffering will lead to a day where I can turn it around and use it to help others. Thing is, I’ve been depressed my whole life. I feel like from the moment I was born, I was given a cluster of psychiatric diagnoses instead of a personality. I was a problem to be solved, not a person to be loved. I was not human; I was merely human labels. Autism at first, because I’d rock endlessly in place. Then bipolar, because […]