Let me detach my head
You can keep it in your bed
Where so many memories were made
So many things were left unsaid
For my ears will hear you whisper
My eyes will see you smile
My lips will speak your name
But I can only stay a while
Let me remove my heart
You can keep it in your car
Where I used to leave my shades
And my shoes were often shed
For I long to feel the wind
As we drive on for miles
The radio up too loud
But I can only stay a while
Let me tear out my lungs
You […]
Not that I have access to a gun of course as I live in England! .. Anyway, up until a week or so ago, I THOUGHT I had successfully over come the curse of the black ending which is suicide. I don’t think I had really considered it for about a year, which was really something for me as I spent 4 or 5 years previously to that engulfed in seesaw suicide battles of which at times really brought me to my knee’s, crying against the wall etc…
Anyway, I think this turn for the worst was brought on by a supposed friend who over the […]
Three times. Three failures. Twice. I will explain.
This is not only the third time I have raised a loaded gun to my head. It is also the third time in the last 3 weeks that I was ready only to back out.
First things first.
The first time, back in June 2012, it was purely impulsive. No plan, no thinking. I was faced with an impossible choice. Either give her up or give up everything else. This will be the common theme in my suicidal journey. Someone trying to take her away from me. Obviously I chose her.
The second time, January of this […]
Minutes feel like hours days feel like years.Can’t get these fleeting thoughts of misery out of my head.I’m nearing the end I can feel it.I climb the 8 floors of an open parking garage multiple times a week trying to gather the courage to toss myself over the edge and end all the torment that I feel inside .I can’t get any peace no matter what I do I end up feeling so alone so sad so empty .I failed there’s nothing else to do nothing else to say.
dear jaqueline
its true i may be finding out ways of liveing the days with out knowing your ok
and even if it is a chain of one night stands that cross this land ill do it all because its not the fact you left me its that idk if you got fed up with me or you up and died its like a whate some one stuck to the top of my head and with evrey step i take in the qwick sand of this world i sink a littel lower i move a littel slowere with each tick of the passing of time i need […]
Okay. So I need someone’s opinion. My therapist wants me to go to a hospital to get checked out and clear my head. It’s completely up to me if I go. I kinda think I should… But I don’t know… The whole idea freaks me out… Can anyone tell me what it’s like or if they think I should go… That would be a big help..
I’ve had two serious suicide attempts:
The first time I tried to kill myself (around age 14) was after my best friend had done the same a week prior and I couldn’t stand living without him. I chose to hang myself, but the beam I used to tie the rope on ended up snapping. I fell, hit my head and was knocked unconscious. My mother heard me fall and found me up in the attic and then called the EMS. I had a huge lump on my head, which ended up being a mild concussion and my throat was all sore and messed up afterwards. I […]
I am 55 male and have been suffering from depression for over 2 decades. I guess it all started a bit earlier when my mum committed suicide in front of me at the age of 8. That image never cease to haunt me…
Ever since my mother’s death, i buckled all my emotions and managed to do well in uni and got a very well paid job. I was respected in the community but now this dark cloud has amassed over my head again and tried as i have like in the past. I cant go on. I used to draw strength from my son , […]
Realizing my future is fucked really messes with my head. Sometimes drawing helps. I like the outcome, but my head’s still a mess. 
I have offiicially given up there is no future for me I treat my body like a trash can have no desire to go on no one loves me I don’t love myself so stupid and ugly I never want to see myself agian I am a joke so sick Iv given up I can’t stand no more so miserable I reached my bottom 22 years of unhappiness when’s it going to change never I don’t want it to change I enjoy hurting myself any way possible I am disgusting inside and out there really is nothing good about me I can’t function in every […]
I received the results today. It hurts so much.
I’m not allowed to cry. I’m not allowed to feel devastated over not getting what I worked my ass off for. I’m not allowed to dwell on the what ifs. I’m not allowed to be in pain because I just found out that those hours-days-months-years I spent was useless. I’m not allowed to feel bad for failing.
I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to get the fuck up if I fall down and move on, move forward. I get it. I get what I’m supposed to do.
But I can’t.
I’m not the strong person you think I am.
I […]
These pictures are from today….I am the person who never did this… but the combination of not being able to trust new contacts, thus making it impossible to life a normal life and the fact that my ex girlfriend might have given me soa’s;there have been 10+ guys so the chances are rather high…. has removed all boundaries which i did have before.
This carnage […]
I took the biggest leap in attempting to exit last night and it failed… obviously. So many things could have gone wrong or the helium wasn’t as pure as I was led to believe, but once I put the bag on, I was so sure I’d be a goner. Two days prior and I failed hanging myself nearly 30 different times/positions. I am in a state of regrouping as I will try until success… I can almost see my last resort being to fully hang myself (full suspension bs my failed partial suspension) but not until I try once more with the helium… and not […]
you. You think I’m fine. You think I’m happy. You see me smiling, But have you ever noticed that it never reaches my eyes? Don’t fucking tell me how much you care about me. You’ll be gone by morning. That’s fine. I don’t expect to be anything more than a quick lay. I don’t expect to mean anything to you. What you don’t see is that I’ve fucking lost it. I’m clinging to reality with all that I have, But my mind is so far gone. You couldn’t possibly imagine the things that I see when I close my eyes. You would run the other […]
I need somebody to explain this to me. When i have a plastic bag over my head taped around my neck with a cord pumping helium inside, doesnt the bag just expand like a baloon and pop after a while? Or do i leave the valve turned off?
Bonus question: is a 2.2 liter tank enough?
Hello. My name is Amber and I am 19 years young. This is my story.
I lay here awake. Awake at all hours of the day and night. I have no responsibilities, no job, no school. Sounds ideal right? But nothing close. I feel like an empty human figure, wasting away within my four room walls. Curtains hanging over the windows allowing minimum light to catch my skin.
I have no friends. I have little family. The family that I do have like my grama, my aunt, and sister would all be devastated. I can’t speak for my mother or father though. My parents divorced when […]
I’m a teen female by birth. For a while I’ve been wearing guys clothing. Comfortable, confident, the whole picture. My dad’s all right with it – he’s pretty open-minded. I wish I was living with him.
My grandparents and my mother…ha, whole other story. They can’t imagine why a person with a feminine name wouldn’t want to wear flowery tops and cardigans. At Goodwill they frowned at my pile of baggy shorts and shirts. Almost told me to put the crap back, even though I was using my own money. I don’t get it – they should be happy I’m not wearing bubble-ass shorts. Sorry, I’m […]
Dragged a comb across my head.
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up, I noticed I was late.
Found my coat and grabbed my hat.
Made the bus, in seconds flat.
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke.
And somebody spoke and I went into a dream.
I always ask myself
How could this darker cloud make me stronger now.
I’ll always ask myself
When will this go away?
When will this change?
Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.
All of this pain,
Oh! will it, will it go away?
I ask myself this everyday.
[Chorus:]
I just wanna leave this place behind.
Every time I see your face in mine.
I just wanna leave this place behind.
Every time I see your face in mine.
I sink and drink myself to sleep.
Of course I think I’m a lot stronger now.
I gotta catch myself
To kick this over, make it go away.
When will this change?
Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.
Ohhh! of this pain!
Oh! will it, will it […]
So today my cousin told me that my mentor told her dad ALL the things I told her, IN CONFIDENCE. So that includes me taking pain pills, me cutting myself, me being molested when I was little. All the stuff that’s going on in my home life. She had no right! I am so sad/angry/upset, I don’t know what to feel right now. I told her I had trust issues because other teachers/mentors have betrayed me in the past, and she told me it was between me and her. And then she does this! And what makes it worse was I saw her today and […]
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