I don’t understand I was so damn elated this morning and the past few days and I really thought my life was going to change for the long run but then out of fucking no where a deep sense of sadness hits me and im literally and figuratively aching at this point. This happens too damn often and its the worst??? Why cant I be constantly happy?? Hell, ill take content?? Fuck Ill go from rainbows and fucking rays of sunshine to a damn psycho contemplating whether to walk into a busy road?? I don’t understand?????
I’m failing college, and therefore wasting both time and money. I’m eighteen and existentially distressed, so how my parents think I know what I want to do in life and how they think that I can put on a happy face and go to college is beyond me. I have no one to consider what I should do with my life with. My parents say “college.” There’s simply no other option.
I don’t know what I want to do in life, to be honest. I’ve had ideas, but they all never worked out. I thought I might want to learn programming, but it’s boring, and boredom […]
Sometimes I feel out of place, and messy. I’m not sure if I’m meant to be here, not sure if I’m meant to survive. I’ve made mistakes and I try to own them and incorporate change into my life. Others make errors and i try to forgive but not forget. I try to combat these repetitive thoughts that tell me I should go home and lay in bed or stay home and lay in bed or lay on the floor for an hour or two or until my heart feels less heavy.
I feel stuck often but the medication might actually be helping this time. This […]
Watching football this weekend and joking with SP posters about it was a nice distraction to the tormenting in my head. I still can’t think beyond Monday but I did take my meds tonight… I even contacted a few doctors. I don’t fucking know. I stop myself every time I think about the future. I don’t have the energy to fix my life after 3 years of hell… deferring grad school twice. There is no way my brain can recover in time to restart grad school in January.
Thanks guys… I didn’t feel so alone today.
I’ve been depressed for the past three years of my life. No one knows about it but me. I’ve have scars all up my wrists but that doesn’t seem enough anymore these days and now more than ever I truly do want to die. Most people who are depressed actually have real issues. I dont . The only problem is myself I can’t seem to get out of this hole that I’ve dug for myself. I feel so stupid and I hate every aspect of myself I feel like every day I fail. I used to have close friends but they always seemed to make […]
I don’t even know where to start, but then again it’s not like anybody will read this right? I’m just that invisible to the world. Invisible to my family, my presence always went by unnoticed. I would say I’m invisible to friends but I don’t have any. They all got relationships and forgot that I existed.
I hate being gay, I wish I wasn’t. I hate being black, I wish I wasn’t. I hate being alive, I wish I wasn’t. Does anybody know exactly how it feels to be an over weight homosexual? Can’t make friends because most are homophobic towards me. Can’t make gay friends […]
From what I’ve read the whole seven pounds scenario is nearly impossible to pull off. I’m looking for a volunteer to make me brain dead through strangulation. My goal is to save as many lives as I can. I want to die, but I want to try doing some good with my death. Obviously we can’t communicate via electronic means so finding alternate means I guess is the best method. I figure if I can pull this off I can save some lives by my death. The U.S should allow people who want to die and want to donate their organs to do so in […]
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
Hi, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say but my name is Jacob, and in my opinion I’m too young too know what I do. I learnt that I wasn’t ready for the real world when I was thirteen, I’ve done some big things that I both regret and don’t regret but first let me tell you why I don’t like males.
when I was young, about ten or twelve (I can’t remember exactly), I was raped by a sixteen year old, he was my girlfriend at the times brother. I had a faze around then where I turned gay because I didn’t know about […]
I will be ending it once I get some affairs in order, I’ve said it before but I simply have nothing left and am exhausted to the core. Despite everything I’ve never been an evil person and was already suffering badly when you decided to start tormenting me and forming coalitions by deception and hacking tricks to do your best to ruin my life any way you could. I’m tired of living like this, I’m sure after I’m gone you will celebrate that you caused the death of another human being. I may have no accomplishments in my life but that is one I’m glad […]
‘Streets Of Rage’
Every night I cry for my life from abyss.
I search for you inside the pond.
But my chained binary.
Alchemy.
What will save me.
The music, take me back in time.
Phoenix is the resurrection but there is no one.
Time versus intervention of divine.
Before I die.
Before I die.
Press ‘start’ and never die
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftKSa5U4orQ
The 4 Horsemen of Lotus
On September 10th after what had possibly been the worst 2 months of my life, heartbroken for the 100th time in a row, alone, hopeless, I decided to give myself only one more month to live. I decided to be romantic about the date since is the first anniversary of the death of my second child.
I have to admit, a month sounded like no time at all but it has turned out to be quite long. Whit no affairs to sort, no family or friends to write to, no debts to clear (and no money to pay them if I had them) no job to […]
I left for a while because I thought my life was getting better. I had my suicide planned but didn’t go through with it. My financial situation improved and things were almost looking up. Mom’s health has been returning and some of the people living with us moved out.
But then I received a dose of soul crushing reality today that just threw me right back to the end of the line. I made a post about this before but here’s a recap : I’ve never had luck with love. My love has mostly been unrequited. I’ve been in love for the past two years […]
I’m alone now, truly, ignored by the people that were in my life. I’ve pushed away now accepting that it is done and I have been spiraling. The weather is changing getting cooler now and for some reason that is making me depressed. I was numb for about 8 months and now all those months of pain that I was suppressing all that anguish that I was ignoring well it’s making its presence known. I have a pain so intense that I can feel it down to my very core, I feel like I’m drowning in it. I have cried so hard lately and felt […]
All I wanted more than anything this weekend was to come home from college, drive the five hours to see my friends and family for my birthday weekend. I now realize it was a bad idea, I was so hypermanic yesterday when I came home, literally haven’t been that happy or excited for anything in ages. I have to leave tomorrow morning and I’m so terribly homesick even though I’m still here. It was like nothing changed, I had a bad nightmare that I was at college and I woke up and everything was okay. I don’t know what to do, I hate it there […]
There are so many things I want to say to the do-gooders who come here…. All I will say is this… People will be heartbroken if I die? So, I should continue to live my life so others aren’t hurt. Are you kidding me? That’s partly why I am here now… If you have no clue about thus type of suffering, please don’t say anything. Sorry. I’ve just had it.
So, I’m 15 years old and I want to die. I only have one person in my life that genuinely cares about me. He’s the love of my life. My mom and dad are both in jail for possession of drugs. I have only seen my parents once. They were doing cocaine around me when I was only a few weeks old and then they were caught with it. I now live with my grandparents. They treat me decently but I’m probably not going to have them in my life much longer. They’re both in their 80’s. They don’t have the best health condition. After […]
i don’t even know why i am writing this really i suppose subconsciously i do i am just so tired of waking up each day with no purpose trying to do something with my life only to realize it holds no meaning in the grand scheme of existence and that ultimately i will always just disappointment myself with my own inadequacies i hate myself and the world for being the way i am i always feel so hollow like i am not even real and that i am no good to anyone it feels like my very existence is being stretched across some medieval torture […]
I’m not sure where to express what I’m feeling. I don’t want to drag down my friends. I don’t want to announce it on Facebook.
I’m totally heartbroken. I miss my ex so much. He turned out to be not very nice in the end. I feel like I’ve lost part of myself. I can’t believe he could be so callous, so cold – to leave me when I was suicidal, two days after fleeing home because I couldn’t cope. He left me homeless and took advantage of me sexually. Like, what? How? This person told me he loved me more than anyone in the world […]
I’m not sure how to put this in words. today my last family member in my life said he didn’t wanna hear ne more “excuses” y my life sucks. and to me that’s just like the rest of the world. have enuf and turn away. i have a beautiful daughter. i promised her id stay with her since I’m all she has. but couple weeks ago i got caught up with a joint. and now cps all up me. my lights and water will b cut off in a couple weeks and i have no way to put heat in my house. so cps will […]