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my life

Humbled

by Rory959
written by Rory959

I get told quite often that I’m a humble man. I’m only 20, but maybe this rings true to my personality. Why though? I think it’s because of all the shit that’s been thrown at me for as far back as I can remember. All the bullying, all the death and loss, all the yelling. I always wanted it to go away, to end and never once start up again. A futile request…I know.

But I think that is what has made me humble. Because I can’t care anymore. No matter how much I try to muster up an ounce of fucks to give about […]

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HATE

by Rotted_Flesh
written by Rotted_Flesh

runs through my body. You give me a dirty look, I hate you, you fuck with me, I hate you, you wrong me in anyWAY and I will see that my vengeance towards you will be swift and painful. I am a ticking time bomb and one of these days one of these fuckers in my life that I have to deal with is gonna cross me the wrong way, and that’s when the shit will hit the fan. Watch the fuck out, my patience is running out :)..

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Hello again

by i_cant_think_of_a_name
written by i_cant_think_of_a_name

I’m back. It’s been awhile, though little has gotten better.. School is stressing me out, one of my close friends has gone distant, and the cherry on top: my stepdad (the only father I’ve ever had in my life) has Kidney cancer… I tried to tell my friend about it, and she flat out says “I don’t want any bad news.” And I’m dumbfounded, so I apologize.. For trying to tell her something important, what’s wrong with me? And how could a friend be so ignorant to another friend’s problem… Especially one as bad as a family member having cancer. Heh.. It’s easier to tell […]

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Help

by Cabinessence63
written by Cabinessence63

It’s not something as dramatic as suicide but I want your help.

The last three years, I have been in a very weird phase of my life. When I go outside , alone, I feel that people are thinking bad things of me and I feel that there is a big cloud over my head and they can see whatever I have on my mind. I am overweight and I eat unhealthy food with big ammounts on my plate. It’s not like I am a glutton but it’s like I force myself to eat it. I have never had a real friend. Noone that I could […]

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Insignificant

by Freakinblackhart
written by Freakinblackhart

So everyday is a complete blur. It doesn’t feel like I’m living, it just feels like I’m enduring. I can’t get anything right. I have the help I need like counsellors and medication but it doesn’t make any difference. My dad and his gf think I should just fake a smile and slowly accept it as it will brighten up my day. No, because I always get the gut feeling that I’m not allowed to be happy. Not with funny incidents, not jokes, not happy with myself. Just not happy in general. I can’t be. Every time I am I seem to fuck something up […]

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Eleven Years

by ephemeropteron
written by ephemeropteron

It was on this day eleven years ago that I decided to die. I was seventeen, and while I won’t violate policy by stating my method, the short story is that it was ineffective.

Ever since I was 12 or so, living has quite simply felt wrong. But I dealt with it. This fundamental issue was exacerbated by an issue that arose soon after. I had a really good friend, but every time she had a boyfriend, I got ridiculously jealous. Oddly enough, I always found a way to explain away my feelings. When similar situations arose in subsequent years, I concocted all kinds of ridiculous […]

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I Killed Her Dream Girl and Lost My Own

by pizzakitchen
written by pizzakitchen

Up until I hit middle school, I like to think I was a normal kid. A little shy, but I had friends and liked myself. I didn’t know it was possible to dislike yourself.

My middle and high school years have their own stories to them, but I’ll share them another time. Basically, wearing glasses, having acne, and I guess just something about my personality in general marked me as a target in middle school. My high school years were spent avoiding any sort of attention, even though I looked a lot different and likely wouldn’t have been made fun of anymore. I was terrified of […]

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There’s always a reason

by debz85
written by debz85

It was around 7 years ago I tried to end it all, I was a single mum and couldn’t cope anymore. I was lucky as my parents would have my daughter over night once every two weeks so I could go out. I loved to go out and drink and drink until I felt numb, I abused myself and my body I let men use me for sex. One night though I’d just had enough I couldn’t do it anymore I couldn’t live with myself for what I was doing i was drinking everyday I never ate I smoked weed aswell. People started judging me […]

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I thought I was gonna get a drink today..

by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er

unfortunatly I don’t gave the money to get a cab or pay for it. My aunt is gonna allow me to get drinks on Friday. At least I’m lucky in that reguard.  This is the last two weeks of my life, I wanna get drunk and pop pills ya know. I wanna be freed up to do what ever the heck I wanna do until the time comes. Don’t know how I’m gonna sneak vodka into the house. Guess I’d have to put it in my underwear as silly as that sounds as long as the bottle can fit. Guess for now I’ll stick to popping […]

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The Last Letter

by hogpotter
written by hogpotter

To Angela

Angela, this may be the last letter I write to you. I guess my time here is up. I’m sorry for everything… I didn’t mean to lie to you. This life is no fairy tale. This life is not a garden of sweet roses… rather, it is an fearful enigma of pain and sorrow. I thought that I could save you… give you happiness once and for all… but I am merely just a fantasy. I am fake. And though I have reached the crevice where I couldn’t reach out to you and pull you close to my chest again, but I need you […]

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So tired of living.

by November_WV
written by November_WV

I am just so tired of living. There is nothing here for me. I had to be home schooled the last year of high school due to finding out I have a rare genetic disease. The main symptoms are major organ failure and extreme burning pain in my hands and feet. I have only met one other man like myself with this disease in person. Not being able to do all the stuff I enjoyed my best friend grew apart a just quit associating with me completely. I was in the hospital a lot due to the pain and kidney failure. Now I have to […]

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well yr fuhkd.

by ghostvenus
written by ghostvenus

years on this bitter, sour soil has taught me x amount of useless information.
1). Some hugs feel like thorns.

2). Most breaths are filled with poison.

It’s a pretty shitty thing to think about the way you want to die, and the need to die and the awful way you joke about it to yr friends, making it seem like a fuhkd up joke but in reality you’re asking for help. They know you’re sick. You know you’re sick. Your therapist knows your sick. Also, do your parents. But no matter how much you fight it seems static and thick. It stays. Unmoving. Instead of getting […]

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Relationship

by marz
written by marz

Everything I say is wrong

Which is why I’m here writing this song

Everything I do can never be right

Which is why I find it difficult to see the light

Everything I say leads me to apologise

Which is why I’m sitting here trying to realize

Everything I do will never be enough for you

Which is why I really don’t know what to do

Everything is messed up

Which is why I always say “yup”

Everything is always my fault

Which is why my life has come to a halt

Everything makes me want to end it all

Which is why I curl up into a ball

Everything is me

Which is why I don’t know if I […]

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I don’t even know why I’m sad anymore

by TheWonderYears301
written by TheWonderYears301

I was sad for a long time after being out of a 5 year relationship with a woman who I deeply loved. I still haven’t found anyone yet, not near who much I adored my ex. I’ve slept with other girls and went on plenty of dates where woman have been interested in me, but I didn’t feel anything. I went on anxiety medication which didn’t help. Running was my savior but with starting school again, I have been stressed which has led to me drinking again (running took me away from this and my depression). I really have nothing to be depressed about anymore. […]

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the eternal procrastination of one single moment of nothingness

by rqlex
written by rqlex

it seems whole life is the procrastination of one single moment of nothingness, when lifes shows itself with it’s full absence of meaning. soon it will pass. and how does it pass will always remain a mistery. maybe we’re just so obsessed with meanings, and so willing to impose an identity and causality to the great plurality of existence. our stubborness is the very origin of our anguish.

but how can we accept the pluralism of existence, if our own words just arrests us into the everlasting nostalgia for an other world?

i just don’t know.

the question is what the fuck did happen with my life for […]

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How could i ever be so stupid

by timehealsnothing
written by timehealsnothing

I was living a fairly happy life. Had been depressed for more than a year, but i recovered from it. Bought a house found a wonderfull girlfriend, en been living together with her and two beautiful cats. One happy family right? Well, 2 weeks ago i messed everything up by sleeping with some girl who seduced me into having sex with her without a condom because she was “tested and safe”. Turns out she wasnt tested for herpes, which resulted in me having it too now. The thing about genital herpes is that it never goes Away. The virus slumbers sometimes but i will have […]

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My first post and thanks to you

by Matel
written by Matel

I wanted to say hi to all of you and wanted you to know that you are the most understanding people I know, and I’m grateful that you people exist and this website exists as well.

I also want to say that I’m definitely not here to encourage people or discuss methods or anything alike. I just want to be part of this community to share our feelings/experiences together. Together we will feel less lonely I believe.

I have been reading SP every now and then for the last 4 years, as the idea of suicide has been with me for that amount of time. My anxiety/depression […]

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by jadedkeizy
written by jadedkeizy

Just tired of life. Tired of dealing with mindless sheeple out there. Tired of the world and its empty material pursuits. Tired of faking the funk when I obviously don’t give a shit about anything anymore. I am to mentally sick to do anything meaningful with my life. I have come to terms with my fate. Tired of family that only tells me to pray to mythical men in the sky as a remedy for my depressive state. Sick and tired of all that. I am going to pop 5 lethal pesticide pills and that will be it. I have always been looking for something […]

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Sober by the band Tool – anyone heard this song?

by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er

Tool has one of the most intelligent lyrics of any band I ever heard. The lyrics that jump out to me the most is “why can’t we not be sober, just want to start this over, why can’t we drink forever”…..then the next line is “why can’t we sleep forever”. – I can totally relate. I wanna drink forever and wish I could sleep forever. It’s a song that can have many different meanings in accordance with people’s personal experiences. It’s deeper than drug or alcohol addiction – for me, I want to just go and sleep forever. Being sober hurts because of my mental […]

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